NDN_Couture

Hello All,

Soooo, my current boyfriend and I are very serious. We've been together for a year in March and have known each other for almost 9 years now from when we used to work at the same company (I changed companies, he's still at the old one). I'm in my early 30's and he's in his late 30's so when we started dating, it was to see if it would work out for the future. And it is! He is the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. Very sweet, caring, smart, handsome and a family man.

We've gotten to the point where I know he's looking at engagement rings! :-). There's no way that I would want him to break the bank on getting a ring, so I don't need a center diamond that is perfect and biggest in every way, but in terms of the ring as a whole, I'm a little picky about design. My boyfriend and I have discussed this a little and he has some idea from the pictures I've left him and pointed out to him. However, he's a traditionalist and does not want to go shopping with me. I do know which jeweler he is going to because he is using a friend's jeweler and sent me a link for my opinion. He has an appointment next month. I was thinking about visiting the jeweler just to put in my two cents. At the end it would still be a surprise because I won't be designing the ring, my bf would be. The jeweler would just have an idea of my taste and well and be able to incorporate it. Do you think it would be all that wrong if I do? It's not like the jeweler was a secret. Thanks community!

Hello All,

I dated a guy briefly for a few weeks. He seemed like a very nice person who was looking to get into a long-term relationship, which is what I am looking for as well at this point in my life. So it seemed we were on the same page. We talked about a lot of things, our desires, expectations, etc. and just made an effort to communicate to each other. We've gone on a number of dates and decided to each take a day off from work and spend the day snowboarding, which was a 2.5 hour drive from where we both lived. Well, long story short, that trip confirmed some of the gut feelings I was having and was a big eye opener for me. I came to the conclusion that we wouldn't work out. We even talked about it on the way back from the trip and it seems like he is very idealistic and possibly controlling and wants to make his reality according to what his ideal life would be. Plus he talked about some other woman he dated a month before me who he's not sure what the situation is or what his feelings are for her because it is long distance and he doesn't know if she's coming back. So I told him that, with all of these uncertainties, him and I cannot get involved because I can't put myself out emotionally, knowing this early on that there could be a lot of baggage to deal with.

We went about two days, not talking to each other after that. Then he sent me text messages, with pictures of our trip on his phone. I didn't answer back because I was out with friends. The next day, he calls, but I didn't pick up the first time because I was sleeping. Later on, he calls and I hesitantly pick up. We briefly talked and then he asked me if he could see me to drop of some extra snowboard binding straps because he doesn't have a need for them (he bought them to help me fix my snowboard). I really don't need them and if I did, I can always get them on my own. I'm very hesitant about seeing him, however, I wonder if I should just call him and let him know that I don't think we should see each other anymore and that I don't want to move forward. I can't say for certain that this intent is to get back together and he's just using the straps as an excuse to see me. But maybe I should call him and let him know regardless? Not sure.

Thanks

P.S. I left him a voicemail saying I wouldn't be able to see him this weekend because I was busy. So we haven't seen each other since the snowboard trip (about a week). So he text me back and said that we can see each other sometime during the week then. I haven't responded back yet.

Hello,

My finance have been in a relationship for 6 years, long distance (I'm in NY, he's in MD). Two years ago, he proposed to me and I happily accepted. The only thing was, he didn't want to tell his parents right away because his mom told him that his parents would like for him to have a traditional engagement ceremony.

He is a very nice guy and I do love him and see myself marrying him. We decided to take the planning of the wedding a little slow. I have no doubts about his loyalty either. However, in the past year, I've had some life changing events where my father passed away on 2012. My mother is alone now and my brother already lives far away (I live a few minutes from my mom in an apt). We don't have a lot of extended family in the U.S. and she has also recently had some health issues come up. She hasn't retired from working and therefore, she's not open to moving anywhere right now. So, suffice it to say, I don't want to leave her completely alone.

On the other hand, my finance has a steady job and house in MD and has said that he doesn't like NY. He also likes his current company and therefore, really doesn't want to switch companies to find an opportunity close to NY. Most of our relationship has been uneven, about 70-30..I would visit him and spend the weekend in Maryland or NJ (where his parents live). The feeling I get is that he may want me to conform to his life more so than he wants to conform to mine. He came to NY every once in a blue moon and of course came for my father's funeral and cremation. But also at that point, he started pressuring me more about wedding planning because his parents started pressuring him. But in our tradition, if your father passes away, you are not supposed to get married until after a year has passed and you have conducted a specific memorial service. He is of the same culture so I believe his parents know about the tradition.

We usually have a lot of fun when we're together. We joke around, play around, etc. He's not 100% open with me, but he is starting to open up. But with that though, he is reserved and so when I express my opinions, he begins to get defensive and say that I'm confrontational.

Since my father's memorial service has been performed, we both agreed that we needed to have a serious talk. Yesterday, he came to NY (which I appreciated) and at first, I took him to a part of town with a lot of nice little shops and food places...we had fun...later on in his car, I started up the conversation with him and told him how I feel and what's going on in my head. I did my best to make sure I expressed everything I needed to, not come out in a confrontational manner or challenge him, and made sure that I carefully listened to everything he had to say. I asked him to take some time to think everything over and make sure he still wants to marry me, because I'm not sure at this point if I make him completely happy. I also told him that I love him and I don't want to break up with him and I have no intentions of seeing anyone else for now, but he needs to let me know and it may be best if he holds on to the engagement ring for now. It is a very expensive ring (the jeweler accidentally told me when I first got it inspected to keep the warranty) but I felt burdened if I held on to it during this time of uncertainty. I told him he doesn't have to give me a special proposal or anything again, but just let me know that I'm the one for him.

Emotionally, I'm a mess right now and different sides of me second guess my decision, while other sides say that I did the right thing...my mom thought my whole approach was fair and reasonable. But I'm still very emotional about it. Did I do anything wrong?

Thanks for reading.

Hello all...I was seeing this guy that is at my work site (I work on a construction site and he is the project manager of one of the contracting companies, but not one of my management team's contractors so no conflict of interest). A little bit about him...he is 11 years my senior, divorced with two kids (11 and 9) and he is very dedicated to his kids, a trait that I find very noble and will never argue with. At first, it was all him with the flirting, asking me for my number, asking me on a date, calling and texting me. When we finally went out, we talked for a while, he gave me more background about him, we had a great time and he kissed me. We were very attracted to each other and eventually became intimate within two dates. Lately, however, he has been distant towards me. I noticed less phone calls, less texts (he would always text me good morning and good night first). Since he was becoming distant, I didn't visit his office as much or call or text him. I just wanted to give him some room to himself in case something was going on with him.

He just came back from a week long trip to Mexico with some of his friends. I decided since I didn't see him for a while, that today I would visit him in his office (there was no one else there but him). Normally, I would wait until he approached me to give me a kiss or hug while still on the work site. So we kept talking and finally got to a point where I saw that he was in deep thought. Then he told me that he didn't think we should carry on intimately and that he isn't ready for a relationship right now. He said he still wants to hang out with me, that he thinks I'm fun to be around, easy to talk to, attractive and that he would still love to go to baseball games, out for a drink etc. with me and told me it's not like he never wants to see me again. I'm moving soon and he also offered to help me move since he has a pick up truck without me even thinking about asking him to help me.

I really like this person and wonder if I should just play it day by day to see if maybe there's a potential in the future. I wonder if it will be okay for me to ask him to a ball game or ask him to help me move if he's not busy. Also is it okay if I were to text him to let him know that I appreciate his honesty and that I admire him for being so dedicated to his kids? Thanks in advance all.

Hello all...I was seeing this guy that is at my work site (I work on a construction site and he is the project manager of one of the contracting companies, but not one of my management team's contractors so no conflict of interest). A little bit about him...he is 11 years my senior, divorced with two kids (11 and 9) and he is very dedicated to his kids, a trait that I find very noble and will never argue with. At first, it was all him with the flirting, asking me for my number, asking me on a date, calling and texting me. When we finally went out, we talked for a while, he gave me more background about him, we had a great time and he kissed me. We were very attracted to each other and eventually became intimate within two dates. Lately, however, he has been distant towards me. I noticed less phone calls, less texts (he would always text me good morning and good night first). Since he was becoming distant, I didn't visit his office as much or call or text him. I just wanted to give him some room to himself in case something was going on with him.

He just came back from a week long trip to Mexico with some of his friends. I decided since I didn't see him for a while, that today I would visit him in his office (there was no one else there but him). Normally, I would wait until he approached me to give me a kiss or hug while still on the work site. So we kept talking and finally got to a point where I saw that he was in deep thought. Then he told me that he didn't think we should carry on intimately and that he isn't ready for a relationship right now. He said he still wants to hang out with me, that he thinks I'm fun to be around, easy to talk to, attractive and that he would still love to go to baseball games, out for a drink etc. with me and told me it's not like he never wants to see me again. I'm moving soon and he also offered to help me move since he has a pick up truck without me even thinking about asking him to help me.

I really like this person and wonder if I should just play it day by day to see if maybe there's a potential in the future. I wonder if it will be okay for me to ask him to a ball game or ask him to help me move if he's not busy. Also is it okay if I were to text him to let him know that I appreciate his honesty and that I admire him for being so dedicated to his kids? Thanks in advance all.

Hello,

I've been dating this guy at work and although we are no where near serious right now (has only been a month), I think his calling and texting is waning while i've been subconsciously increasing my frequency of calling and texting. I didn't call him or text him all weekend because I think he may be a bit detached from me and I'm trying to make sure that I keep him at arms length for now. But would it be okay if I just text him "hey, hope your weekend went well...Have a goodnight"? Thanks

Hello,

Just wanted to you how you would greet someone who is Christian (Catholic) on Good Friday being that it was the day of Christ's crucifixion and is a day of mourning. Thank you.

Good evening,

I've been dating a guy from work for a little over a month now and starting to warm up to him a bit. He's a bit older than me but we get along really well. I don't really need to interact with him at work much because his contracting group is not under my construction management team's contract so it isn't a conflict of interest to see him.

Anyway, I've seen and interacted with him since August 2010 when I got on to the construction site and he started pursuing me this last January and we went on a date at the end of February. He's been real sweet, a gentleman and he text and called me a lot. Well recently, I guess I've started to go to him and once in a while, ask about hanging out. I understand he's very busy because he is divorced with kids, so I never try to impose much on his time. The other evening, I was working late, so I walked over to his office and he was working a bit late too. He likes to go to the gym across the street so I asked if he would like to have dinner afterward as I am staying late at work. He said he'll call me. Well, when I left the site, I saw he was still at the gym (the gym parking lot can be seen from where I work). So I just quickly called to let him know I'm going home. He didn't pick up and I didn't bother leaving a message...

The next morning, I saw him and we chatted for a bit...I asked him how his workout was. Then in talking he said that he was going to call me the last night but he didn't because "he was afraid I wanted to do something.." I was a little taken aback by that but I said, "ok...that's fine..." He said he'd call me later....but didn't. I didn't text, call or visit him the whole day that day (I was very busy and I guess his comment stung a little).

Like I said, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way but I don't want to totally write him off. I've always kept it in my mind to be careful. I don't know if it would be a good idea for me to text him and just say that I hope his weekend went well. I will see him at work tomorrow morning for a meeting anyway. Also, I had baseball tickets for a while and had already asked him to come with me (a few weeks ago). Do you think I should just let him know that the game is on Tuesday if he's still interested?

Thanks.

Hello All,

I recently got back into a relationship with someone from my past who is really a great guy. We are both from similar cultures and religious backgrounds, although his side is a bit more conservative than mine. Just on Monday, we went away together and he proposed to me. At the time I said yes. I was really happy and we had a great trip.

This trip was the most amount of time that he and I have spent together ever. We were always in a long distance relationship. So we loved to be in each others company and had a lot of fun. The last two days, I've been home and i really started thinking more and more. I talked to him about some of the things he expects (which are fine). But what bothers me is that he doesn't really talk about our relationship with his closest relatives and friends. He doesn't really talk about my family to his parents and soon they are supposed to meet each other (we've gotten engaged but we are holding off on making it official until February in order to do a formal engagement per his parents wishes). There are times where I feel like I can't completely express myself because I'm worried about making sure that he's happy with certain things. He's a bit more stubborn and particular than I am. I know he loves me and he says that he doesn't see himself without me but at the same time, we don't get to spend a lot of time together and it leaves a lot of questions. It's difficult to talk to him about these things sometimes because it doesn't see as though he is very comfortable talking about emotions and feelings. Some people may suggest to hold off the engagement but I know he wants to get married by August 2011. I sometimes just wonder if he is the right person for me...

I don't know what to do. I love him and I know he would make a great husband and father. But I don't know if emotionally he's the right person for me. Am I correct in thinking about breaking the engagement off?

Thanks for reading

Hello,

I have a friend of mine who I was dating for a few months and then we broke up because of religious reasons. I am Hindu and he is Modern Orthodox Jewish. It was a respectable break up and I respect and accept his view on religion and marrying out of it. So we remained good friends and we communicated while we were both on our separate vacations (he is still away but I imagine he will come back by the end of this month because of all of the High Holy Days coming up in September). I must admit I do miss his presence.

His birthday according to the Gregorian calendar is Sept. 24th 1970 which equates to the 23rd day (24th after sunset) of Elul on the Hebrew lunar calendar. This year it will fall on Sept 2nd or 3rd (I'm not sure if he was born before or after sunset so I could be a day off). So I was thinking about sending him a text that day to wish him a Happy Birthday according to the Hebrew calendar. Would it be wise? Obviously he'll know that I looked it up but he's very emotionally mature so I doubt he will think I'm obsessed or anything. Besides, we don't talk or email on a daily basis. I would of course wish him according to the Gregorian calendar as well but I guess I wanted to wish him according to his culture as a nice gesture. Thanks for the advice.

Hello. Does anyone know what time the Mincha and Ma'ariv services are conducted in the Great Synagogue in Rome, Italy? I would like to attend when I am there.

Just for the record, I am not Jewish but am studying Orthodoxy at this time. Therefore I am a bit new to the process and would like to know if anyone could provide any advice. I know the services will be in Hebrew and it is not my forte as of yet so would it be better for me to silently pray while the recitation is going on? Thank you.

Hello All,

I have a bit of a dilemma. I have been dating a great man since March and although I know the circumstances and am skeptical, still have a glimmer of hope to move forward with him. The issue is is that he is an Orthodox Jew and I was raised as Hindu. He has never been married and we have a bit of an age difference (I'm 27 and he is 39) but the the age doesn't bother either one of us. Other than this difference, he and I have excellent chemistry. I must admit that we have had sexual relations but other than that, we really connect on a deeper level in terms of intellect, empathy, emotional intelligence and music. Usually when I've been spending the night with him, the next day we would spend the whole day together cooking (kosher of course), practicing some salsa, and singing/playing the piano as well as talk about current events, politics and our personal views on relationships and life in general.

We have had conversations about religion and although he questions many aspects of Judaism, it is who he is. He grew up going to yeshiva and his first romantic (non-sexual) encounter with anyone was when he was in his late 20's and sexual encounter in his early 30's. He has mentioned to me that he has dated a lot of women but more so in the typical way that Jewish men date (via a matchmaker, 3 to 4 dates a week, etc). At the end of the day, he is very torn about his future wife because he would like a Jewish household however, he has never met another woman who intrigued him intellectually and emotionally. He is not attached to me either and has never been in love with anyone before. But when we are together, he is extremely caring and hospitable. When we speak on the phone, we are conversing about various things and it seems that he is slowly feeding me more and more information about himself because he trusts me. He also always tells me that I would make a wonderful wife and mother and that he thinks I'm a good, down-to-earth, person with a kind disposition. He always says that I was raised very well and he see's a lot of similarities between us. He has mentioned that these are qualities he is ultimately looking for.

For the last few months, I was not attached to him, mainly because I felt from our conversations that it was not going to go anywhere. We have both been going on other dates. But both of us agree that it is very pleasant to be around one another and as I spend more time with him, I feel closer to him and I can feel that he feels the same. We both keep our guard up however...I can sense it. But I've also noticed that both of us aren't dating others as much anymore. He mentioned the other day that he doesn't even bother going to Jewish social mixers anymore.

I have been thinking a lot about this situation and although I was raised Hindu, I am not at all against the idea of raising our kids Jewish and sending them to yeshiva if it ever went that far. Conversion for myself is a different story...I would only convert for myself and when I truly believe that I am ready, if I ever am. Just like him, I can't just alienate myself from my community and culture...he would also be completely accepted by my community/culture. I understand that I would run the risk of not being accepted by his community/culture. I don't think his mom would be completely against us however due to his age and as long as the kids are raised Jewish. So the main concerns lie with eventually converting the kids to Judaism (since Orthodox Judaism is matrilineal) and connecting with him on a Jewish level which I admit I cannot fully do now or possibly ever even if I converted. All I can offer is that I would continue learning about it and partake in the culture and traditions as completely as I can.

I am going away for a month and will see if I still feel this way when I get back. I haven't discussed my views of this with him yet and am wondering if I should provided that I feel the same way when I get back from my trip. There is no guarantee of anything (who knows, he may find a Jewish woman in a month). But if things haven't changed on my end or his, should I tell him how I feel and see what he says? Or should I just let it go because it is unlikely that anything could move beyond where we are now?

I know this is long but thanks for the advice in advance.

Hello.

I am not dating anyone at the moment and I am in a situation where there are two people who are interested in dating me. I am at a point in my life where I would like to be with someone that I can marry.

One guy is a sweetheart, very emotional and fun to be around. We have a lot of things that we can talk about and do together and I feel like he is the type of person who is very adaptable. However he comes from a broken family background (most of his relatives are unmarried have kids with multiple people etc.). He has mentioned that he wants to get married and that since he comes from such a background, he has stronger convictions about making marriage work and having a well structured family for himself. If it ever got that far between us, I know my side of the family is going to judge his family background and i am pretty sure my parents will resist this in the beginning.

The other guy is great as well with a great job, great family and values but not as emotional and has never been in a deeply emotional relationship before. We have a lot of fun together however sometimes I feel like he can't express himself well. We are also of the same cultural background however his family (not him) is a bit more religious. He is also a vegetarian but I can adjust my eating habits to not eat meet around him (I wouldn't become a veg though). He is a really nice, down to earth type of guy and I also know that my parents would really like him.

I like them both as great people but I know I can only get into a relationship with one person. I am not committed to anyone as of now but would like to be. The first person is a riskier situation and the second person is a safe choice. I know it's ultimately up to me as to who I would date but I appreciate your advice. Thanks for the advice.

Hello.

I am not dating anyone at the moment and I am in a situation where there are two people who are interested in dating me. I am at a point in my life where I would like to be with someone that I can marry. One guy is a sweetheart, very emotional and fun to be around. However he comes from a broken family background (most of his relatives are unmarried have kids with multiple people etc.) he wants to get married as well and has great values but if it ever for that far between us, I know my side is going to judge his family background and i am pretty sure my parents will resist this in the beginning. The other guy is great as well with a great job, great family and values but not as emotional and has never been in a deeply emotional relationship before but we still have fun together. I like them both but I know I can only get into a relationship with one person. I am not committed to anyone as of now but would like to be.

A friend (girl) of mine is a mutual friend of another one of my friends (guy) but they don't know each other well at all. I have an album on facebook that I have set up so that only certain people can see it which includes the girl but not the guy. None of the photos are tagged of her nor me, but she "likes" two of the photos and commented on one of them. Will the guy be able to see the album this way? Thanks.

Two of my closest girlfriends are sisters and Muslim but are allowed to go out with their friends to clubs, etc. Last Friday we went out with a number of other people and everyone took pictures with their cameras. I posted my pictures on Facebook and had already filtered out a lot of pictures. I also did not tag anyone and left the option to them to tag themselves. One of the sisters sent me a text and sent me messages multiple times within a few hours to take majority of the pictures down because she was wearing a halter top (shoulders and back showing). I took a number of them down but left the pictures that I really liked since I was in most of them. She has been bugging me to take them down and I told her that I'm not going to because I'd only have about 5 to 7 pictures left in the album and that other people really liked the pictures as well (again, no one is tagged). I told her that I understand where she is coming from but that I already accommodated her request for the most part and that if showing too much skin in pictures is an issue, she should be careful about what she wears. I told her that I only wear clothes out to events that I feel comfortable taking pictures in. I told her that I hope I didn't offend her but that it is just practical and that every woman should dress in a way that is appropriate for them. She may have taken offense. I haven't heard back from her. Is what I said too harsh? Thanks.

Hey everyone,

I have a 'friend' who I'm not very close with, but we've dated in the past (years ago). Every so often for the last 8 years, he IMs me while I'm at work. We are also friends on Facebook.

Today is my birthday and I'm sure he can see it on his page. I kind of want him to wish me a happy birthday but I also am content with the fact that he doesn't care. It would just be nice if if he'd say it to me just so maybe I can have a better impression of him. Should I IM him and hint at it? I was going to say that he should sing me the song by Jeremiah aka Birthday Sex. LOL.

I sent him a text on his birthday and he text me back saying thanx. I'm having a get together with my closest friends but I'm not inviting him because we're not close enough where he would even consider attending. He's a very good looking guy but I wouldn't date him again. But he seems like he has the potential to be nice. I just want him to wish me a happy birthday and leave it at that lol. Thanks.

Hey everyone,

I have a 'friend' who I'm not very close with, but we've dated in the past (years ago). Every so often, he IMs me while I'm at work. We are also friends on Facebook.

Today is my birthday and I'm sure he can see it on his page. I kind of want him to wish me a happy birthday but I also am content with the fact that he doesn't care. It would just be nice if if he'd say it to me just so maybe I can have a better impression of him. Should I IM him and hint at it? I was going to say that he should sing me the song by Jeremiah aka Birthday Sex. lol. Thanks.

Hi Everyone,

I currently live in New York (Queens) with my parents and am moving the the Upper East Side very soon. This is the first time I will be living on my own. I do have friends but most of them still live with their parents, are a bit more reserved than I am and don't really go out as much. I would like to meet new people of different races and with open minds. I find that sometimes when you approach certain people, especially of your own race (I'm Indian), they will blow you off or give you an attitude. Any suggestions? Thanks :-)

I know someone who uses the word "plop" as a one word, one liner in the midst of a conversation. Is it an acronym for something? I'm trying to figure it out. Thanks.