JOHN MOFOING TITOR

Does he really fight for the rights of every man?

Wassup! I'm John Titor. I'm a time traveller from 2036. Awesome right? Well not so much awesome cause we kinda are in world war III right now. So not awesome. But that's why I'm here! To make it awesome. I'm gonna save the future!

"LOL yeah right! Why would you even come to the past? Your time travel fanfic is probs full of plot holes!" You ask?

Because big b*tches SERN be all like “Yo, time machines are ours. You small peasants can’t have them - and oh yeah, we’re going to take over, LOLOLOL” which BTW, is not a lololol matter!

"lmfao, SERN?" You say?

Yup! And I’m going to break them! Probably by breaking their legs first. I haven’t decided yet. Point is, if I don’t, you, me, and everyone else are screwed. Freedom gone and people dead and you don’t want that now do you?

"TITOR I NEED ANSWERS." You yell?

Yes good, Sir. Titor is my name. John Titor. I'll give you an answer but can you handle the truth?

"Probably not so you tell me everything you know about the year 2000! I'm going just A LITTLE BIT insane." Aight.

Facts about 2000: 1) A pokemon movie came out 2) People thought the world would end once it hit the year 2000 3) Sony Japan released the PS2 4) A game foreshadowed 9/11 5) Madonna married Guy Ritchie 6) It wasn't a leap year 7) Concorde crash killed 113 people near Paris onn July 25, 2000. I blame SERN. 8) The ILOVEYOU virus computer virus was spread from the Philippines. 9) I googled all these facts. 10) I've never been there

I remember watching Goku go Super Saiyan for the first time, back in the 90s. It was a Monday, and I was eating breakfast before school. While eating breakfast, I was watching DBZ. When I saw Goku go Super Saiyan, I was mesmerized. "I want to go Super Saiyan, too!" I shouted. My dad heard me, and told me that I might end up becoming one, one day.I was shocked. "I'm a Saiyan?" I asked. Apparently, my parents found me in the woods while hiking.I used to have a tail, even!

Jump to the present, and I'm ordering a cheeseburger from Sonic. I drive home, sit down at the table, and prepare to feast. But, wait. Whats this? This isn't what I ordered! There is no cheese on this! This is... This is a mere hamburger! I was absolutely livid. I wanted to go to Sonic and slaughter every single person there. I felt a power in me as I fumed with rage. "Could this be the time?" I wondered.It felt as if my muscles were enlarging. As if my power was rising! But, all that faded. I was livid, yet I couldn't become a Super Saiyan. Why couldn't I do it?

I tried to hang myself, but my neck was too thick for it to work, and I just ended up dangling for awhile.

And I don't want to buy a gun, because those things are really expensive.

Any advice?

And a brilliant scientist!

Is there like, no place to buy crack around here!?

I ain't got no crack!

What the hell are you singing?!

You know, that Grump song! Hot people, hot people!

It's heartbeat!

Ooooooh- Screw it, lets attack now.

Shirley's dad and he was buried alive. There, I'm a regular Dick Tracy.

I would, Milly, but these things are clearly too big for conventional pockets, and clearly too small to be real computers.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS THING!?

It's just another case of do or die.

Me or Goku?

Won't lie, I've been drinking again!

OH NO, I'M FREAKING OUT! THE DREAM IS COLLAPSING!

You better not be touching my stuff!

TO NOT TOUCH MY STUFF!