Purdycat

I found out last week i am 7 weeks pregnant with my 1st baby, me and my partner are both happy about it, although a little shocked as it wasn't planned!

I've been getting morning sickness but apart from that i don't feel pregnant at all, i am also now starting to get paranoid that my missed period and 4 positive tests were all in my head and i've made a mistake! I'm convinced i am going to go for my 1st scan in a few weeks and there will be nothing there!

I know i am definitely pregnant but i was just wondering if anybody else has ever felt like this in the early stages? Is it normal to be worrying like this?! I have to keep looking at my positive tests just to put my mind at rest!

Why won't Heather Mills just move on and forget about it? She is making herself look so immature and bitter! Leave the poor man alone and let him get on with his life!

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/itn/20080411/ten-mills-ta...

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck" Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8." Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure..." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'”.

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE"

It's snowing alot where i am and it's showing no signs of stopping, i finish work at 5 and have to drive about 8 miles home. I work in the countryside and it's very unlikely the roads have been gritted here! Apart from driving slowly is there anything else i can do to make it as safe as possible?

Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:

20. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

19. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

18. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

17. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

16. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

15. Great Dames for sale.

14. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

13. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

12. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

11. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

10. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

9. Man, honest. Will take anything.

8. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

I went to the doctors yesterday for 6 blood tests and urine tests as i have been vomiting daily for the past few months, however when the nurse tested my urine she said there was blood and protein in it and it has to be sent away for further tests.

As i said i have been vomiting 2-3 times a day for the past few months, i have pain in my back and lower abdomen and i am constantly tired and often feel light headed and weak!

I get my test results back tomorrow but i am very impatient and was wondering if anybody out there has any clue as to what is wrong with me??

I started getting really bad heads on the left hand side a few days ago. Yesterday i noticed it really hurt ro blow my nose and cough, only on the left hand side though! Today the left hand side of my face is in agony, slightly swollen, i have an awful taste in my mouth of blood and mucus and my jaw is starting to ache!

Does anybody know what this could be? I have had a cold for the last couple of weeks which was just starting to go away! The pain is in my whole left cheek, my top jaw on the left and under my left eye. The pain is worse near my nose!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ANN-SUMMERS-Pippa-Crotchless...

I have recently bought this and i am planning on wearing it for my man tonight with stockings! I'm assuming he is going to like it, what would you think if your girl wore this for you?

I am proud to say i stopped what i was doing to think about all the people who have lost their lives fighting for their country

I am, i'm so excited.

Only 5% of the population who are able to give blood actually do donate. I have just started donating, the experience was not at all unpleasant or painful, and i have also found out that my blood type is used to treat cancer patients.

I know people who would not be here today if it wasn't for blood donors.

If you are not a donor, why?

My current favourites include things like Dead mans shoes, Donnie Darko, The butterfly effect, Fight club, Seven.

I like physcological thillers, british films, anything with a good twist at the end or anything along the same sort of lines as the above list.

Thanks in advance for all your help!

It is my nephews first birthday on Sunday and I really want to buy him some Kidorable dinosaur wellingtons in a size 5, I can get them online but i am worried they won't arrive on time. Have just decided to buy him these yesterday which is why i haven't ordered them earlier! Anyway, if anybody knows of anywhere that stocks them in Northumberland or Newcastle I would be extremely grateful, or any websites with quick delivery?

I've just got standing tickets to see My Chemical Romance in November and I am so so excited I keep jumping around my office with my confirmation! How am I going to cope with the 4 month wait?

I've just had my hair cut. I'm going out tonight and have no idea what to do with it. It's just above shoulder length with lots of layers and a small fringe to the side. I don't want to just straighten it cos that's how I wear it during the day and I want to look a bit different for a night out! When it was long I used to wear it curly for nights out! Any ideas?

I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I

had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house. I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down The Queen's Head Pub with me and have a beer?" . But there was no answer. This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?". But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head Pub and have a drink with me?"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists ... two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."