babygurl82

okay i am in a long distance relationship however my parents do not know...im in the us n hes in canda...if i have us cellular and free incoming calls, when he calls me is it free as well even though hes in canada?? is it still free for me??

and texting...incomin texts are free...so texts from him to me are they free?? and texts from me to him do they cost extra or just go with my plan??

i need to know because my mother will murder me if it costs extra...that or send me to india and frankly i am not sure which one is worse :(

he lives in canada and i am in the US. technically they are books...i put them in an envelope and they fit. the envelope is 9x6...can i send it normally or do i need to have it packaged? and if i send it normally...how many stamps? please and thank you...i have trouble w/ this long distance thing evry now and again...i would love to have ur help :) see the books are both different...one will help w/ a problem hes having n one is written by me for him...the one ritten by me is a small notebook frm walgreens...and the book is thick but small...about 5 inches by 4 inches id say...can i send them w/o packageing? just in an envelope? and how many stamps? *sry to be repetitive...my dad doesnt no abt him n i need to do this alone n my father is abusive so i jst need help please*

what does I.F.I.L.W.Y.J.K.W.L.T.C.U.S mean?

I only feel pain lately. No matter what happens all I feel is pain. Everything hurts me so terriblely. I have so much going on from my parents, school, boyfriend, friends, church, and jsut so much to deal with and everyone always depends on me. I know I have depression, but even after I have attempted suicide more then once no has ever given a damn. I am put through both mental and physical abuse from almsot everyone around me. Everyday I become me depressed...more needy of just dying and leaveing all my pain. People tell me that I over exaggerate things.but I don't...its just that even small things bother me. My brother will ask for homework help adn ill jsut yell at him and curse adn that isnt me...I never swear...I dont know what is going on. I feel like theres something taking over my body adn killing me from the inside out...painfully...slowly...killing me. I can truthfully tell you that not one day goes by that I don't wish to have never been born..wish to jsut die right now. My life is ghorrible adn no one ever gives a damn. I cry everyday and everynight sometimes....most of the time i dont even know why...i jsut find myself in the corner crying so badly that i end up passing out cuz i cant breathe. Ive been hospitalized for suicide attempts more then once...but this isnt me...i am not crazy...i dont know whats happening to me but there is something inside me making me want to die...making me feel nothing but pain. I havent laughed...or even smiled a real smile for almost a full year now...the pain grows more unbareable every single day. Last year my bf used to help me alot adn i neevr cried...i went almost 3 months without crying or even feeling bad...but then he just...changed. He started abusing me and my feelings. Because he moved he uses that against me. He makes me **** him....makes me send him dirty pics...n he says mean things to me....tells me horrible things tht i cant even type....he both mentally and physically abuses me...i just...i dont know what to do becuase he used to be my only sanity...my only comfort...he was the only thing keeping me alive....(i know tht sounds stupid...but every time i even teared up hed alwasy be with me taking care of me adn helping me get along...but he...he stopped...like everyone else he found me not worth it...n he gave up cuz im jst so...helpless)and...everytime i try to leave he takes his gun n shots some part of his body...or over doses on pills...i dont know what to do...im under so much stress and in so much pain and no one helps me....ever...im always alone...hes not my worst problem but i dont wanna type most of the rest...the point is...i am depressed adn i dont know what to do ebcuase everyday im in more pain...everyday i hrut more...i hurt myself more...i dont wanna die i really dont...but theres something in me hruting me adn making me wanna die....but i dont wanna die...im so confused...so lost...and in so much pain...i jsut...dont know anymore...what should i do??

if you are going to make some stupid comment please just skip this question before u jsst increase my pain...please just skip it if u are going to be rude.

{][} Red Rain {][}

*I wrote this one a few months ago*

Blood flows in my veins no longer,

I have nothing to make me stronger.

I am screaming so hurt and weak,

Bleeding as death kisses my cheek.

Where is the man, who swore,

He’d save me any way he can?

Am I to be left like this?

Without one last bloody kiss?

Pain is the only feeling I have,

Pain that which you gave.

My heart once sang songs of joy,

Now I realize I am just a toy.

I sit outside and cry,

Wish death would make me die.

Take my life,

Kill his wife.

I swing in the rain,

As I bleed from my pain.

My tears fall,

At deaths call.

Where is he, who loved me,

Who made death see?

That my bloody rain,

Is because of his pain.

I know where he is,

He left me alone like this.

Alone in this never ending hell,

Waiting to hear deaths final bell.

As I wait in my red rain,

I start to go insane.

How could he,

Just leave me?

I must forget,

My destiny is set.

Death is calling,

While I am balling.

The one meant to save me,

Has just left me be.

Now it is time,

I pay for my crime.

Time to breathe my last,

And forget the past.

Death has come to be rid my soul,

Stopping this rain in my last goal.

Let death kiss my heart,

Pull me apart.

Stop the blood,

Stop the rain,

But most of all,

Stop my pain.

♥Hold Me Tight♥

All the love that I feel rushes entrenched inside me,

With you I can be who I want to be.

The way that you wrap your arms around me so very tight,

No matter if I struggle...I never feel extensive need to fight.

I love you so much more than words can say,

That love increases every single day.

When you bow down to kiss my head,

I can’t help but think of the book that I read.

The one you know...

Where they were together forever and had the perfect life.

Where her love for him extensively grew,

And eventually she became his wife.

They both lived happily beyond the end,

I want this so badly with you...and I promise I will not pretend.

You alone make me feel vibrant and REAL,

I want so badly to tell everyone how I really feel.

I very terribly need to tell them how it is going to be,

Tell them of the immense love between you and me.

You create a need within me to shout it out,

To tell the whole wide world what our love's about!

Actually I just want you to know,

I will ALWAYS allow my love for you show!

Even if we… we get extremely crazy,

At times I might be incredibly mazy.

All I have to do is say three words and make things right,

Simply so you can stay and hold me tight!

ᘓPink Cloudsᘒ

*I wrote this poem today*

Every day I wonder if your love is real,

I feel like I am spinning on some torture wheel.

Days go by,

And tears are cried.

If he truly loves me,

Why can’t he see?

His words give me pain,

They’re driving me insane!

I think about the time that’s past,

And ask myself how long I’ll last.

I am not longer strong,

The way you treat me is very wrong.

If I continue to bleed,

Then you will never plant your seed.

Our children…our future,

All ruined by this torture!

Then I remembered…those words you said,

Now I can’t get them out of my head.

Baby if ever you miss me,

Look up at the sky and maybe...

You’ll smile and realize,

Our love excels past the skies.

I apologize in advance for the long read (it needs to be split in 2 or three…one for each few poems…sorry). Also some of it is a bit depressed because I do have depression, but I’m not some mess lol I am a very happy girl some times….anyways please read and enjoy and give me feed back for each poem just looking for opinions/thoughts…please and thank you to everyone that answers!!!

***Blue Lightning***

*This was written a month ago*

Strike my heart,

Tear me apart.

Day after day I cry,

I just want to fkn die.

I am empty and feel bad,

When nothing is missing I'm still sad.

Lightning shocks my tears,

As my heart is stricken by spears.

I am lost in my own feelings,

Hurt and scared by what you call nothing.

Give me what I deserve,

Hit me and break my last nerve.

Just be honest and say you don’t love me,

I'm in enough pain the world can see!

He's not with me anymore,

He just walked out of the door.

I am sad and alone,

From that day on he's been gone.

I don’t know where I went wrong,

But that day you took my hearts song.

Now my pain strikes like lightning,

Left me without a song to sing.

Every tear that falls here,

Is calling him to come near.

I beg for strength to fight,

Against the loneliness he gave me that night.

About him I am so confused,

And because of him my heart is forever bruised.

I don’t need to stay alive,

I just need me and my knives.

Just to make cuts which I need,

To show him how my insides bleed.

He doesn’t realize how happy I'd be,

If he'd just come back to me.

If not let the lightning strike again,

The next strike shall be my end.

ᐕ Life Sucks ᐙ

*these two were written a few months ago*

I'VE LOST ALL HOPE,

I DO NOT FEEL,

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN,

YET NOTHING WILL,

MY HEART POUNDS HARD,

NO BLOOD FLOWS,

MY SOUL POURS OUT,

AS PEOPLE STEP,

THEY TRAMPLE ME,

WITHOUT ONE CARE,

MY BAD LUCK IS MINE TO KEEP,

DON'T GET TO CLOSE OR YOU'LL SOON REGRET,

THE FACT THAT WE EVER EVEN MET...

MY HATRED IS EXCELLING,

MY LOVE FOR YOU DECREASING,

YOU SEEM TO LEAVE WHEN I NEED YOU MOST,

MY LIFE IS AS STATED BEFORE,

A LIVING HELL FOR ALL TO BE TORTURED,

NOTHING IS WORTH MY TIME ANYMORE,

NOT EVEN LIFE ITSELF.