Ray

This story begins when I met this girl. Though this story does not end happy. There was this girl, she got hired at my work, and all my co-workers hated her. The moment I saw her, it was like love at first site. The moment I saw her I knew that she would become my girlfriend, I just knew, and she did. Everyone picked on her, and I defended her, to the point they all remain silent. Anyways we went out and I fell in love with her. I accepted her for who she was. Even though everyone told me to avoid her. While we were together we shared great memories. I never lied to her, and I never betrayed her.

We broke up and got back together three times, with in a 3-month period. The first time was completely out of the blue. The second was after a fight, we broke up a few days before my 21 birthdays I was destroyed and just depressed. To the point she would not speak to me, while on my birthday I ran into her at target and we talked and fixed things. A week later we got back together, though this is why, I told myself I would not get back with her, though this is what she said. “I think I was more afraid to fall in love at first, and that is why I left, but I am more afraid to lose you, than I am to fall. In a way I believe you are my first love, I love you. Will you take me back?” RIGHT! How could you not take her back? So I did, well a few days later, while she is in my arms I say this to her. “I know you have a hard time falling in love, but you don’t have to be, you can fall. Because I have already fallen in love with you.” After I said that she changed and two days later we broke up. She said. “ I have made a mistake, and the truth is I only like you as a friend.” Though what lies, she has deleted and blocked my phone, Facebook, everything.

Now it has been a month and I have tried to move on, oh how I have tried. My friends have been helpful. Though I keep thinking of her, and I will drunk text her, I don’t know if they go through. I deleted her number but for some reason it is stuck in my head. This really sucks, I hate it so much, I really cared about her. I always defended her, and even now while at work when co-workers bring her up, I still do. I took the advice from friends and others and tried moving on. I went out and flirted with other girls. One-girl things were going really well, though her name was the same as my ex, and I just walked away. It was messed up, though I felt the world was slapping me there. There has been other successful attempt with girls though I really can’t do it. I am not ready for another relationship, though I can’t just sit here and feel sorry for myself either, and keep thinking of her. Everyone told me to avoid her, and yet I fell in love with her. She revealed her true colors to me; she said it was all a lie, and that she liked the idea of me more that she actually liked me. That hurts, and I want to move on but I can’t, also I can’t get her back, I don’t want to or idk. What do I do?

My girlfriend of 4 months, well ex now, broke up again for the third and final time. Our last break up wasn't that bad. She asked me back she said in a way I am her first love and she said she loved me. So I said that I would take her back. Later down the line, I kissed her and she was idk it was amazing. I held her in my arms and I told her, "I know you have a hard time falling in love, but don't be afraid anymore, because I will catch you." She was already in my arms so I just held on tighter. So three days later we break up. She was ignoring me and I said okay so whats going on. She says I think I made a mistake, I only like you as a friend. To which I reply well really this again, you are the one that asked me back a third time, you said you loved me. To which she replied no I didn't say that. Now she is ignoring me, deleted and blocked me from Facebook. I have never felt so much hate for anyone in my life. I feel it was all a lie. If anyone can answer that question that would be amazing. Though to my main question, what does this mean?

Sometimes when I am at my lowest, which you all know why, I go on a long walk through the train tracks or some trail, and just reflect. In the past it has always helped me figure out what to do. This time I got no answer. On my way back I walked into an alley. A bunch of dogs start jumping and barking at me. I raised my hand at them, and slowly lowered it. At this they all stopped and just stared at me. I was like all right it worked, I turned right to leave, and stopped in my tracks. Butterflies flew at my face and then circled my whole body I felt like batman in that one scene with all those bats. Then they flew away. I walk home, confused, and as I get home two cats start to follow me. Once home I sit down on my coach and my cat runs up purrs and sits next to me.

My ex and I have broken up twice, though by some weird fate we always meet up again. The last break up was the worst. We both said some hurtful stuff. Though that doesn't matter right now. This does, on my birthday I actually wished that I would see her again. While I was out, I could smell her, she has this memorizing smell. What was also weird is that I was at target, and in the music section, looking at cds, this singer had the same name as her, I was just staring at it, and then felt sick and turned to leave, and she was there. We ended up talking and got pass all the hurtful talk. We BOTH like each other too much to leave each others lives. So we became great friends, and I mean great friends. we hangout almost everyday. We hangout more now than we did as a couple. Though it dawn upon me, we were sitting down waiting for a store to open, she was talking away to me. I realized that I would never kiss her again, that I would never hold her in my arms again. That she wasn't mine to protect, that some guy would come and claim her, and all I would be is a friend. I feel but a shadow of what I once was. She has started talking about this other guy friend. So I know it is coming, so I must leave. Do I tell her up straight, that I still have feelings for her, I have hinted before? Or do I write a letter, with all our favorite memories, and explain, how I fell in love with her, how I feel now, and why I must leave? Is the letter a good idea? I have already written the letter, and each time I read it, my heart burns knowing this is the end. My God why do we play this stupid game called love?

I wrote a letter, or something as such. Though basically its a list of all my favorite memories with my ex. I want to give it to her. We are hanging out tomorrow, its weird between us. Some times she is all happy and talking to me again, as if we never broke up, then the next she is quiet. I have been the same. Though when I bring something up from the pass, that was great. She gets happy, and makes plans for when we will hang again. When she is sad she cancels plans. I don't know what is going on in her head. Though I wrote this, and want to give it to her. I know not the outcome of it, though does anyone think I shouldn't, or is that a great idea. Also yes, I want her back.

My girlfriend lied to me, I caught her, and called her out. When I confronted her, I said so I guess it is over. She said that is is her, that she didn't love me, but was happy that someone loved her. In the end she felt bad, because she was using me, said it was all a lie. I got so mad, that I let it all out. Told her how could this be all a lie, when it meant the world to me. I told her we are done. She said, it will be better this way for us. Then I continue on saying I never want to see her again, we will not be friends. This is what she wanted. I was way worse, what I said. What I wrote above, is just the basic. I was so mad at her. Her last words were, Im so. What angers me more though, is that everyone is happy that it is over. From the start of our relationship, no one wanted us to be together, except us, well I guess just me. That was last night, this morning I woke up begging that this was all just a dream. Also I don't know what I feel anymore. A mix of pain, a lot of hate, and guilt. I was so mean to her, though she hurt me. She liked the idea of me, more than she liked me. Her lies were count less. I want to cry, but I can't. I can't sleep, or eat. Why do I care about her, when she never me, and she hurt me so many times, on and off our relationship? Everyone kept saying she didn't deserve me, that I deserve better. Though after this break up, after what I said. I feel like no one deserves me, because I don't deserve them. I feel filth on my hands, and can't wash it off. I feel so evil, and corrupted. I loved her. Does anyone know how to help me? Please.

Alright so my girlfriend has been going through some tough times. I know this, but because I am dumb idiot. I forgot and well I will explain. She got kicked out of her house, lives be herself. I help her when ever I can. She is a strong woman, and does not want my help. She is like you don't need to help me, and I am like I want to. Then she is like Awie. Anyways this is just back story. Yesterday, she was really low, said that she doesn't have time for me, maybe we should end things. I told her that even if it was for a few minutes out of the week it would be worth fighting for, just to be with you. Then a few minutes later she became super happy, and we made plans for friday. Side note she cancelled all are other plans. Just keeps canceling them. Though after I said that I still want to be with her, and she became happy, she plan to hangout this friday, before work. Though last night at midnight she text me, sorry I have to cancel Friday. I hope you understand. I got up early at 5 to get ready for my morning class. So I replied still half asleep. I said, I understand, though fight for me, because I am fighting for you. Anyways I know she is still asleep. She gets up at 8. Though at 8 no reply. So at 9 I text her again, something totally different. Something positive, I told her I am going to LA tonight to meet potential employers. Still no reply, 11 30. I could not take it. I had this strange feeling I messed up bad. So I called her, she did not answer so I left a message, saying. "I hope you did not take that first message the wrong way. I meant it as in we gotta make time for each other. That I am sorry if I made you mad about this." I know I know. I got Paranoid, which is ugly. She replied back at 12 30, saying. "Good for you." Then I reply did you get my message, my call. She says. "I just woke up." Then I reply can I call you. Then twenty minutes later she replies I am on the bus. dafuq. just woke up 20 minutes later on bus, nah. Anyways she went to work, and doesn't get off till 10. Though at this point, I really don't know what to do? Did I really mess up, because I got paranoid for the first time? Or is something going on here, that I do not see? Also I do not think there is another guy, because she is crazy busy, and her reason for canceling our plans are legit. I think I just got upset, because I have to constantly fight for her attention, and when I thought I finally won it, it gets taken away again. Damn maybe I need space, just to cool off. Try again next week type shiat.

My girlfriend has been going through some tough times. She got kicked out of her house, and lives by her self. She has no car, and owes money. I try to be there for her, though she is independent, and won't let me help her. Lately she has cancelled all of our plans. When she replies to my texts they are one or two worded response. I became really depressed and sad about this. I thought she was going to break up with me. So I gave her space for a while. Then today I text her if she wanted to go get coffee. She didn't reply until two hours later, saying she wasn't home, and had to do this and that. I asked if I could call her. She said no, that she was on the bus. I told her to call when she got off, and she did. We talked and things went south. She said that she is always busy, and doesn't have time really for me anymore. That she doesn't want to hurt me, by always bailing on our plans. That maybe we should end things. I don't know what made me say it, though I am glad I did. I said. "That even if it was for a few hours or minutes out of the week that I would be there, that I would fight for you." She asked why, and I said. "I think I am falling for you, and that I am not ready to give up on you." She was quite for a bit, then said I got to go, and hung up. I stood their with my phone, just destroyed.

Then she called back a few minutes later, SUPER HAPPY. Never heard her this excited. She made plans when we will hang again, and it seemed to me that she was very happy. I said some sweet stuff back to her, and she said "Your too good for me, and I don't know what I did to deserve you." Then I replied "Tssh I feel blessed to be with you. I feel like this is all an amazing dream, and that one day I will wake up, and it was all a dream. I never want to wake up." To which she replied. "That is deep. OMFG I can't wait for friday, to see you."

Later that day, as I was walking about. The sun was beaming on me, birds were falling me in circles, and a butterfly landed on my shoulder. I instantly thought of her. I think I am really falling. I want to fall, though I hope she will fall with me.

I am such a fool, when I first saw this girl. I knew that something was different, something special. She was beyond beautiful, a little strange, but I enjoyed her awkwardness. The only one who was nice to her. She was new at my work, immediately everyone hated her, for reason they would not share. I liked her, I thought she was stunning. I heard rumors that she liked me too, I just assumed she was really shy. One girl who really hated her, told me that I am the only person who is nice to her. She asked me why, as if I am the bad guy. So this girl is picked on a lot. I wanted to protect her. All these girl at work wanted my attention, but I gave it to her, and her alone. They grew mad and hated me. But I asked her out. We went out and it was great. Though of late it has been distant between us. I finally asked her out again she said yes. Then a few hours later, she tells me, she has been hurt and judged before, that she only needs a good friends, nothing more. As sad as I was, and my heart pounding knowing that it is over between us. I replied, I understand and would rather have her as a good friend then nothing else, and that I will never judge her. She truly is a sad soul that I have laid eyes upon, I wish to help. She replied You don't know how happy I am to hear that. Though after all of it, after all the warm comments back and forth. I feel so depressed, not because she wants me as a friend more than a boyfriend, she says she does not want to mess things up. So I am mad at the fact that people continue to hurt her. Also I don't know how to help her.

There is this beauty beyond any that I have ever seen. I worked with her, Everyone at work hates her, They talk so much **** on her. I have never said anything about her, hate or like to them. So they think I am with them. So before I meet her, I have heard stories and cruel things about her. Then I meet her, and I freaking swear it was love at first site. We eventually started talking, and I fell, fell freaking hard. She did to :) ******* love her. She eventually quit work, she won't tell me why, she told me because it is stressful, and that she got a second job, which she did and she likes it. Though I bet it was something at work that made her quit. Well anyways, our love affair has been secret. Everyone at work even though she is gone they still talk **** on her. Well a so called once friend, who knew we are together, spilled the beans by mistake. So I am then attacked by every girl at work, asking why, this and that. Lets get this straight first. I know that she is beautiful. Let me first say that every guy at work likes her, ( BECAUSE SHE IS AWESOME.) every girl at work hates her. (BECAUSE SHE IS AWESOME.) It is obviously jealousy that the girl hate her. Though here I am at work, losing all their respect for dating her. I am not going to leave her, though I don't know what to do with my once friends. I HAVE NO FRIENDS NOW. NONE. Except her, and she works full time 8 to 6 monday to friday. What do I do?

So my friend and I just hung out all day, after I get home, he texts me something funny that he was trying to do before I left told me it worked but still wasn't good. Before I left he told me something out of context something that had no meaning at the time. It was about this girl, who has a boyfriend, though he likes her. So as a joke I text him, that she texted me asking about him. Just to **** with him. Though the who thing turned to ****. He took it so personal, said I could never be trusted again, offered to return everything I ever gave him. Said he told me that in private, which I replied yeah, and I sent that joke to you in private. Then I go off sending this super long message apologizing and explaining that we are friends, that I would never betray him. Also why get mad at me over this girl, that is ALREADY TAKEN. I asked him to rethink his action, before he says the wrong thing. After that he backed off the attack, though the tension is still there. Said we are still friends but that he will never trust me again. I told him how can we be friends if you don't trust me. I even said heck man I will even prove it to you. I NEVER FREAKING LIE ( Okay one lie, to him.). Heck man I even gave up on my girl because he said she wasn't good for me. I FREAKING GAVE UP ON HER, (did) because everyone hated her, and he told me that I should forget her, that she isn't good for me. SHE IS A DREAM GIRL. Anyways I gave up on a girl, because my friend said so, and here he is giving up on me because of a girl. PS. I NEVER GAVE UP ON HER SSSHHH. We talk all the time, she is freaking perfect. SSSHHHH. I just told him I did. Though that is not the point. The point is why, why, why, why, get so freaking mad over a joke, that you would throw away your friend for?