Sarah

We are an unmarried couple living in the state of Virginia. We have been living in the same household, as renters, for the past 2 years. We decided we would purchase a home together fairly early in this period of "shacking up" and after about a year of looking, found what we're looking for. We close on the 17th of this month (or possibly as early as next Friday, according to our lender).

We have very similar, middle class incomes, and have always shared expenses fairly right down the middle (with my covering slightly more, as I have a child from a previous relationship for whom I receive child support for, which goes to assist with our shared expenses).

His credit score is excellent (at around 780) and mine is not ideal (at around 600, due to shortfalls 3-4 years ago during a period of unemployment, which I've been working on rectifying, but it takes time). We'd initially thought we might wait, until I could improve my credit score and we could both be on the mortgage itself as equal, responsible parties. However, in the meantime we've been renting and it's felt (outside of having somewhere to live) like money down the drain.

So, when we realized that he qualified independently (and with a 3.35% interest rate) for this modest family home that we took interest in, we decided to go for it (since we don't know what interest rates will look like in a year or two, and to prevent us from paying another 20k plus in rent, when we could be putting that money towards ownership). He will be the only responsible party as far as the lender is concerned, as he is the only person on the mortgage (which I'm actually less crazy about than he is). However, my name is to be on the title/deed as well, as a form of insurance should something happen down the road (we're both putting our all into this, and agree that we deserve equal protection). Though, I do feel some guilt about partial ownership without partial "legal responsibility", we know that this is a good move for us (for what it's worth, our relationship is highly endearing and has felt like "meant to be" from day one; it's just that neither of us place high emphasis on the religious sanctity of marriage, though we recognize the legal ramifications of being so--please do not judge this question based on marital status, with the exception of how it relates legally).

We are going for an FHA loan, and I've been reading about this a bit with some mixed reviews on whether this is doable...though our lender has both of us on our paperwork as to who the deed is to be titled to and sees no issues.

Though I know these are questions that could have been asked "not so close to closing", we've had so many other things that we've been researching and trying to stay on top of, that this piece has fallen a bit to the wayside. So, what I'm for is, have we gone about this properly? For his sake, and for mine. Any input as to things we may not have thought of, any pro's/con's for us for having handled this as we have, would be super helpful.

Many thanks!

We're looking at climbing towers for our kitties, and really would prefer more inexpensive ones, but still good quality! I know, this is a lot to manage...quality doesn't always go hand in hand with inexpensive.

We'd just like to make sure that there is a high tower or two that can support larger cats (ours both like to be up high), and preferably 2 hideaways (at least one of those being large enough to support our larger cat). And, that the unit is sturdy enough that it will last our kitties a long time, without wobbling "too much" as they use it (we don't mind needing to retighten now and then), but that it still has at least some of the height they enjoy (5-6ft, preferably).

I've been looking around online and have found some within our price range that look great...but there is always a complaint or two that makes them more worrisome. Largely, have been looking at products from Wayfair.

If anyone has had experience they could share, we'd love to hear it, so that we can be better informed before making a purchase.

Thanks!

We'd like to stick to under $100. Is this too much to ask?

In 2008, there is a sealed file involving a case within Juvenile and Domestic Relations General District court. I attended court at this time as a result of my then 7-year-old daughter’s absences from school. The school allowed for 10 days missed per semester, and she exceeded that number of days by 3, due largely to illness during that semester. Given the schools understandable lack of tolerance for student absence, we had to meet with what I believe was a truancy officer in front of the judge to explain her time away from school that semester. It seems that that there was a conviction against me at that time, according to the background check made by my workplace. Do note that our daughter is, and has always been, a straight A student who does not make any habit of missing school...the truancy office simply acted on their requirements for a child who was not present for more than 10 days during one semester.

I work in Child and Family Services, as a support coordinator. My workplace took no issue with the matter once it was explained. But my husband and I have been considering foster parenting for the past two years. Could this be a problem for us?

Please only respond if you're familiar with the types of violations that could cause couples to be disqualified from providing foster care services (preferably within our state). This is something we've set our hearts on, and I don't want to receive discouraging news if it isn't accurate. However, if this is likely to cause problems for us, I would like to know in advance. If you need any additional info, please ask.

Many thanks.

It goes without saying that we adore our kitties, two of them, both male. Learning after some reading though, that although I've had an indoor cat or two around my entire life, that we could be doing some things that are better for them than what we're currently doing.

A briefing on our oldest, who just had to be taken to his vet's "ER":

My daughter went out to catch the bus one morning (4 years ago), in the pouring rain, and came back in yelling that there was something black and furry laying in the yard. I don't know what I was thinking, except that I guess I wasn't, given the hour, and I threw her a towel and told her to get it and bring it in. What she came back in with was a small, black, soaking wet, hissing furball who obviously had no idea what I (or she) was or how we got our grips on him. He seemed healthy, but obviously unhappy, and it was clear to me that given my previous pet experience that he was far too young to be without a mommy, so after quickly getting the kiddo off to the bus stop, I got dressed and took him down to the local vet (who was known for taking in strays) and thought I'd just drop his lil' a** off. They thought he was adorable, of course (because he was), and I was ready to be on my way when they pointed me to the milk replacement. Seriously? WTH? I had to get to work, and was sure I was doing a good deed by bringing him in...just let me go already, eh? But no. They weren't going to take him because they had limited space for finding homes for strays, and no time for a lil' one like this, at about 4 weeks old. So, I figured I'd find another later that day, or take him to the SPCA, and I took their meal replacement, drug his still wet lil' self to work with me, and allowed my coworkers and clients to try to feed him at will. But someone still had to take the lil' booger home that night. Guess that person was me, and I "guess" that meant ultimately that we had a new cat, because it's not like I'd be able to bring him back home, feed him through the night, introduce him to my children, and then let him go.

It was a month before our lil' handfed baby got a name...which I insisted on creating myself, as "Trouble", because that's what he was from the moment I laid eyes on him. Needless to say, he's now a "very" loved, lazy, slightly overweight adult cat who only bites when you try to put him down. He's greedy only for our attention, which he gets more than enough of.

Today shortly after we got home though, we knew something was wrong. Long story short (and since I already had one, above), he's been taken to the vet where we've learned he has an obstruction which he will now be "hospitalized" for, for at least the next three days and probably over the weekend. We learned today, that dry food is not good for him and that he's not getting enough moisture/water in his diet, which has likely led to the problem :( We always thought dry food was best!

Now, I'm reading up on how to care for him differently when he gets home, and have learned that wet food is going to be needed for his diet now. I've read many cons about prescription diets long term, due to the acidic levels, but I can't find anything on what a good "long term" wet food diet should look like. I'm reading that high protein and lots of water are good...long term heavy acidic foods like Hills or S/D are bad, as are dry foods. So, do we start shopping for Fancy Feast, or some other readily available commercial food? Our kitties are already on the heavy side; and they're currently fed once daily at the same time (we always thought that was best, too, but sounds like that may not be the case). Does anyone have specific recommendations, who's had experience with this?

Many thanks.

We've already decided that she will be getting one, for a variety of reasons including:

General safety (we realize this is not so necessary when it comes to supervision, but she does have events that she attends outside of our presence and would like to know that we can make contact)

She will be visiting her dad over the summer, and he does not have a cell phone at all (transportation not highly reliable either), and he is particular about letting her make calls to us that run up his phone bill...we need her to be able to make contact with us when she needs to.

We would feel better if she has regular, reliable communication with us, no matter where she is.

*Things we need in a phone for her:

Good reception (her dad is in a fairly remote area, where I have to go out into the driveway to get a signal...she at least needs to be able to do that.

The phone needs to be compatible with AT&T's parental controls

We'd like to be able to send and receive pictures on occasion from her

She would like to have a few "built in" games (for occasional boredom), but we don't want options for her to purchase any

Durability is important

GPS tracking if it's ever needed

*What we do NOT want on her phone:

No data package...no internet usage, and no requirement to add these things to a phone

We don't want a pre-pay phone...we are wanting to add her into our family plan

-------

We already know that many people don't believe children should have phones, so please, if you have this sort of comment, use it for someone who's not already aware. We have made the decision to purchase one for her. What I'm hoping for, is someone who has some familiarity with AT&T compatible phones, who can give us some guidance on phones that would suit at least most of what we're hoping to find (listed above).

Many thanks for your help!

The dream (years ago) was me in a building that was falling apart...I was looking for my children, but I couldn't find them. I did however, find my mom, and somehow, we wound up outside the building on a grassy hillside, looking for my girls. As we were coming over the top of the hill, I looked over my shoulder and saw a huge missile moving in slow-ish motion behind us. I remember not wanting my mom to see it, as I put my hand on her back, smiled and said, "It's alright", as I pushed her to the ground. Then, I assume as the missile was hitting, I woke up.

When I woke up, I just had this awkward sense of peace and contentment. I'm not a religious person. This dream has stood out to me now for a long time as being one of my most memorable...not because of what happened in it, but because of the way I felt at the end of it.

If you have Cher playing in your head right now, I apologize sincerely. But we all know that most women believe in love...many even nag about it to no end, and certainly are the top contributors here when it comes to "true love" interests.

What about the fellas out there? Do you believe in the "Big L", and that it's out there waiting for you, or ready to snuggle up next to you right now as you press away at your keyboard?

I have to give some history here. I began dating a friend, we'll call him "Mike" almost 12 years ago. I'm 34 now, and we met when I began seeing a friend of his when I was only 18.

Eventually, I was single, and YEARS later (about 5-6) our relationship started to become a bit more than a friendship. We hung out together, eventually dated, and moved on to be in a full-fledged relationship, and I became pregnant within about a year (unintentional, but we were both young and stupid).

We moved in together while I was pregnant, and eventually, I started to see sides of him I'd only heard of. He wasn't physically abusive, or really even verbally abusive, but he was rather emotionally abusive. I stayed home with our daughter, and he worked...while I went to school full-time and watched children in the evening while he was at work to bring in grocery money. My mom and grandmother had to come in and watch our lil' one while I was in school, because he couldn't be bothered. We would go to the grocery store, and when we returned, he gathered "himself" out of the car and would go inside...leaving me to the groceries, and our daughter (from infancy). I would bring her in first so that she wasn't left in the car while I brought things in, and he ignored her crying while I got the rest of the groceries in. He never once, got up in the middle of the night with her. He never fed her, and he never changed her diaper. He didn't participate in holidays, and I remember being in tears each Christmas, wanting him to get up with us...but he would sleep until noon. He didn't attend 2 of the 4 birthdays that she had while I was with him.

He never made room for me in his house, and kept the closets full of clothes that didn't fit him or he never wore. We had 2 drawers, as the rest were full of his things (including weapons), but he felt he'd done me a favor by cleaning those 2. Both me and my daughter lived for 4 years primarily out of a clothes basket. He was a hoarder, primarily of guns and vehicles. He had 2 acres of land, and on that 2 acres he had 19 (now 22 that I count) old chevy trucks. He has another 30+ at his parents (who have more land). He had approximately 80-100 guns in the home (this is what many of his drawers were full of). But also, a hoarder of 4x4 and hunting magazines, and Bulletin boards, which were always all over the house and he refused to get rid of, but he expected that the house always stayed clean (which I did my best to do...but with the excessive things he had, and no room for our things, it always looked like our things that were laying around). My last straw was when he dumped our clothes hamper in the middle of the hall, while I was on the phone with my mom...then threw the clothes hamper against the wall and went back to read his magazine.

Even much longer story short, I left him 3 days later. After a really nasty custody battle (which he lost), I eventually moved on. Mike is only granted visitation 4 times each year (one lengthy one, during the summer), and we've managed to make several extra trips, so that she can see him (he's yet, in 2 years, to come see where she lives...even though any additional visitation stated that HE had to make the 2 hour drive).

Now, Mike (since the custody hearing) has ensured his own contact with our daughter, nightly (which is fine, I would want to talk to her also--it's just such a change). However, if she doesn't call him, he becomes frustrated with her. When she talks to him, she sneaks off, and when she is nearby (like in the car), her talks with him are more like "yes, no, umhm" etc.

He continues to date no one, and the only real relationship that he has, is with the daughter he wanted nothing to do with while I was actually around. He's said that he'll never love another woman. I worry though, that he is taking some of this out on our kid, and trying to quietly use her to get back at me somehow, despite what I feel is good heartedness on my part to make sure he has even ADDITIONAL time with him. I just don't have a comforting feeling about it all. Some of her long-term visits have been a nightmare. For example, over the summer, her cat since she was born, was left outside (she WAS an outdoor cat), with her fur matted from her winter coat (long hair) until maggots infested her matted, wet fur, and she died under one of his trucks. I was called 2 days prior to that, by our daughter, who was crying, and saying that her dad would not let her take an old blanket out to lay down for her, or a bowl of water.

He was fired from his job about a year ago, and has yet to seek a new one.

I'm just creeped out by it all, and I'd actually love to hear that I shouldn't be. It just feels like something is wrong here and I worry for my daughter's well-being (as well as my own at times).

Thoughts on this?

I have to give some history here. I began dating a friend, we'll call him "Mike" almost 12 years ago. I'm 34 now, and we met when I began seeing a friend of his when I was only 18.

Eventually, I was single, and YEARS later (about 5-6) our relationship started to become a bit more than a friendship. We hung out together, eventually dated, and moved on to be in a full-fledged relationship, and I became pregnant within about a year (unintentional, but we were both young and stupid).

We moved in together while I was pregnant, and eventually, I started to see sides of him I'd only heard of. He wasn't physically abusive, or really even verbally abusive, but he was rather emotionally abusive. I stayed home with our daughter, and he worked...while I went to school full-time and watched children in the evening while he was at work to bring in grocery money. My mom and grandmother had to come in and watch our lil' one while I was in school, because he couldn't be bothered. We would go to the grocery store, and when we returned, he gathered "himself" out of the car and would go inside...leaving me to the groceries, and our daughter (from infancy). I would bring her in first so that she wasn't left in the car while I brought things in, and he ignored her crying while I got the rest of the groceries in. He never once, got up in the middle of the night with her. He never fed her, and he never changed her diaper. He didn't participate in holidays, and I remember being in tears each Christmas, wanting him to get up with us...but he would sleep until noon. He didn't attend 2 of the 4 birthdays that she had while I was with him.

He never made room for me in his house, and kept the closets full of clothes that didn't fit him or he never wore. We had 2 drawers, as the rest were full of his things (including weapons), but he felt he'd done me a favor by cleaning those 2. Both me and my daughter lived for 4 years primarily out of a clothes basket. He was a hoarder, primarily of guns and vehicles. He had 2 acres of land, and on that 2 acres he had 19 (now 22 that I count) old chevy trucks. He has another 30+ at his parents (who have more land). He had approximately 80-100 guns in the home (this is what many of his drawers were full of). But also, a hoarder of 4x4 and hunting magazines, and Bulletin boards, which were always all over the house and he refused to get rid of, but he expected that the house always stayed clean (which I did my best to do...but with the excessive things he had, and no room for our things, it always looked like our things that were laying around). My last straw was when he dumped our clothes hamper in the middle of the hall, while I was on the phone with my mom...then threw the clothes hamper against the wall and went back to read his magazine.

Even much longer story short, I left him 3 days later. After a really nasty custody battle (which he lost), I eventually moved on. Mike is only granted visitation 4 times each year (one lengthy one, during the summer), and we've managed to make several extra trips, so that she can see him (he's yet, in 2 years, to come see where she lives...even though any additional visitation stated that HE had to make the 2 hour drive).

Now, Mike (since the custody hearing) has ensured his own contact with our daughter, nightly (which is fine, I would want to talk to her also--it's just such a change). However, if she doesn't call him, he becomes frustrated with her. When she talks to him, she sneaks off, and when she is nearby (like in the car), her talks with him are more like "yes, no, umhm" etc.

He continues to date no one, and the only real relationship that he has, is with the daughter he wanted nothing to do with while I was actually around. He's said that he'll never love another woman. I worry though, that he is taking some of this out on our kid, and trying to quietly use her to get back at me somehow, despite what I feel is good heartedness on my part to make sure he has even ADDITIONAL time with him. I just don't have a comforting feeling about it all. Some of her long-term visits have been a nightmare. For example, over the summer, her cat since she was born, was left outside (she WAS an outdoor cat), with her fur matted from her winter coat (long hair) until maggots infested her matted, wet fur, and she died under one of his trucks. I was called 2 days prior to that, by our daughter, who was crying, and saying that her dad would not let her take an old blanket out to lay down for her, or a bowl of water.

He was fired from his job about a year ago, and has yet to seek a new one.

I'm just creeped out by it all, and I'd actually love to hear that I shouldn't be. It just feels like something is wrong here and I worry for my daughter's well-being, as well as my own. Any thoughts wou

Alright...I almost laugh as I say this, but it has been driving me crazy for 2 years now. My daughter has spent the past two years in the same grade as the stay home "Mom of the year(s)". This mom, I know, probably does wonderful things for the school and my daughter's class, and I'm appreciative, truly, as I work outside the home and I have not had time to participate in many of the things at my daughter's school that I wish I could be involved in during school hours. She is also in charge of sending out the "emails" known as the "5th grade E-News letter", and I enjoy reading about what is going on, and appreciate that she does these for the 5th grade teachers.

However (of course)...she also likes to make "official like" emails for her own personal cause. Primarily, HER son, who is in my daughter's class (and has been for the last 2 years). Last year, it was annoying enough, her even "broadcasting" her son's (her son's first NAME is even "Legend") dental appointment out to the entire 5th grade classes (all of them). She let us know that she would be picking him up early that day for a dental appointment, and I received several similar emails, with details about "Legend" that I, at least personally, could really care less about.

This year, she has made official like emails, that I open thinking I'm going to see something from the 5th grade classroom, and instead (the most recent), I get, in all caps, that "LEGEND'S TEAM IS GOING TO BE PLAYING AT HALF TIME FOR THE VIRGINIA TECH HOCKEY GAME THIS WEEKEND OR NEXT." Followed by a "come see, etc"...also in all caps.

On one hand, it's just cracking me up. On another, I think it's completely ridiculous, and that she is devaluing the other children in 5th grade, who's parents don't assert their "volunteer authority" for the sake of their child, for the entire class. And, on some other hand (or foot, maybe), I think...this POOR BOY...he's nearing middle school now, and his mother is advertising her freakishness.

My question is...as I've considered it and just got a "DON'T" from my fella...should I say something to her? I wouldn't be cruel, or make fun of her...I just think that I'm doing her and her child...as well as some of the other parents who may be tired of hearing it (I don't really know how they feel; I'm just guessing I'm not the only one) a disservice by not speaking out and letting her know what this is like from an objective perspective.

I would like to hear opinions of others...whatever thoughts, similar situations, and/or advice that you guys may have on my doing so.

Alright...I almost laugh as I say this, but it has been driving me crazy for 2 years now. My daughter has spent the past two years in the same grade as the stay home "Mom of the year(s)". This mom, I know, probably does wonderful things for the school and my daughter's class, and I'm appreciative, truly, as I work outside the home and I have not had time to participate in many of the things at my daughter's school that I wish I could be involved in during school hours. She is also in charge of sending out the "emails" known as the "5th grade E-News letter", and I enjoy reading about what is going on, and appreciate that she does these for the 5th grade teachers.

However (of course)...she also likes to make "official like" emails for her own personal cause. Primarily, HER son, who is in my daughter's class (and has been for the last 2 years). Last year, it was annoying enough, her even "broadcasting" her son's (her son's first NAME is even "Legend") dental appointment out to the entire 5th grade classes (all of them). She let us know that she would be picking him up early that day for a dental appointment, and I received several similar emails, with details about "Legend" that I, at least personally, could really care less about.

This year, she has made official like emails, that I open thinking I'm going to see something from the 5th grade classroom, and instead (the most recent), I get, in all caps, that "LEGEND'S TEAM IS GOING TO BE PLAYING AT HALF TIME FOR THE VIRGINIA TECH HOCKEY GAME THIS WEEKEND OR NEXT." Followed by a "come see, etc"...also in all caps.

On one hand, it's just cracking me up. On another, I think it's completely ridiculous, and that she is devaluing the other children in 5th grade, who's parents don't assert their "volunteer authority" for the sake of their child, for the entire class. And, on some other hand (or foot, maybe), I think...this POOR BOY...he's nearing middle school now, and his mother is advertising her freakishness.

My question is...as I've considered it and just got a "DON'T" from my fella...should I say something to her? I wouldn't be cruel, or make fun of her...I just think that I'm doing her and her child...as well as some of the other parents who may be tired of hearing it (I don't really know how they feel; I'm just guessing I'm not the only one) a disservice by not speaking out and letting her know what this is like from an objective perspective.

I would like to hear opinions of others...whatever thoughts, similar situations, and/or advice that you guys may have on my doing so.

I'm wanting to get my fella a metal detector for Christmas. I'm really, really excited about it. I'm in Roanoke, Virginia, but from what I can tell, there are no metal detectors for sale at any store within at least 50 miles from here, and I'm not sure why that is.

So, my concern, is that maybe that relates to laws in this area (Civil War country, for one guess). But, I haven't been able to find specific laws related to metal detection here.

If anyone out there is familiar with researching state/local laws can guide me to specifics with regards to metal detecting in Roanoke, Virginia, I would thoroughly appreciate it.

My fella and I will be alone for Thanksgiving this year for the first time since summer (kiddo will be away). I would like to do something with him for the day, but I don't think we're gonna do the traditional Thanksgiving thing...too much cooking for two people. I've been trying to come up with something unique that we can hang out and do together that day, given everything will be closed, and here we'll be, stuck in the house together (in a good way). Thought you all might have some ideas.

We're in our early 30's, but not limited by that for things that are generally considered for "middle aged adults". Looking for ideas that are either fun or romantic, or both, or whatever...just some general, non-traditional ways to enjoy our time together.

I'm quite fertile. I'm 34 years old. I currently have a form of birth control that lasts 3 years...coming out in a little over a year. I work as a support coordinator for children with special needs, for a living, and because of it, I'm a bit terrified of having another child (I have two...ages 18 and 10). I even feel like doing what I do is a calling of sorts (even though I'm not religious), that's like a "payment" to the world, since I was fortunate enough to have two beautiful, well adapted children who don't have any mental or intellectual disabilities.

The cases I work are tough. I do all I can for these parents, because many of them deal daily with children who have significant delays...who will not likely ever see the same kind of "norm" that many of us take for granted. For 99% of those I work with, it's a guarantee. It scares me, with regards to having more children, as I will be 36 before looking at the possibility of having another of my own...and at that time, I will be a "risk factor", with regards to having children.

I'm not opposed to adoption. I think it's one of the most loving things that a person could do. If I were to look to adopt, I would likely seek to take in a child between the ages of 2-6. I know that infants are so easy to adopt...and the older a child gets, the harder, sometimes. I don't think I could manage a child who'd been much longer than that without a stable person to love him/her...attachment disorder sets in even earlier than that, and I would need to know that the child could love and appreciate being loved.

But, I've also considered stopping this birth control early, and having another of my own. I have a stable life and family, and I know I would receive significant emotional support.

What are your thoughts (anyone really...but particular interest in hearing from anyone who has adopted).

I'm an adult white female, first off, who believed that racism had at least begun to die in America. This was of comfort to me, primarily due to a couple of early life experiences I had as a child (my father was an extreme racist).

As a kindergartener, I had a friend who was black. One of the few black children in the "private" school I attended in the deep south of Troy, Alabama. I had permission from my mother to invite her over one weekend to spend the day, but my dad had a fit. I was too young to remember the details, but in the end, my mom took me over to her house instead, and she sat with the girl's grandmother while we played for a bit. I remember that my mom was embarrassed "in front of me" about how my dad had acted.

We also lived on a 200 acre pecan orchard, in a farm house that we rented that also had cattle on it (not ours). A very poor black man and his sons tended to the cattle, paid by our landlord. These were some of the nicest people I'd ever met (we lived there from about age 7-12 for me). They came out in an old pick-up truck, and fed the cattle, etc., really early in the morning (a time I happened to be awake). I liked to ride on the back of the truck while they did so, and thought of them as friends. But given the "deep south" at that time, about 20 years ago, my dad didn't think this was safe, even though he knew the man and his family, and to my knowledge had no reason to feel that way. I was eventually forbidden to talk to them at all when they came out.

I grew up not really understanding this, but gradually gaining a serious distrust in my dad's judgement, and with a sense of injustice to the black community (and they don't need me). As I got older though, I thought I saw views changing, and believed that this sort of mindset was starting to disappear. My own thoughts have been that the black community don't have any reason to think of themselves as somehow "below" the white one, and that they are given the same opportunities as everyone else, and need to act on it. There is really not a difference to me in regards to white or black...sure, I see skin color (I'm not blind for gawd's sake, and seeing people pretending that color, or CULTURE for that matter doesn't exist, gets old), but for me it's no different than whether I wear a pink shirt or a blue one to work.

Then I post in this thread: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201108...

<~~And many of the answers that were there are gone now...but the answer I gave (that received such a low rating that, while it's still there, it's now hidden) was one of the few positive responses. I realize that the poster was being a bit cocky, but some of the answers, that have been removed, were pure hate.

Is the mindset of the American public, particularly with regard to black women (who in my opinion, have it particularly hard)? Are black women beautiful, even to black men these days? Is there something so wrong with them naturally, that they have to spend so much money and time and effort to make themselves "beautiful", even to their own people? Is America still a racist and small minded country, that can't see past the nose on it's face? Are YOU one of those people, or do you have a better explanation for the hatred displayed here (an explanation for that hatred, that crosses ALL black people, and is not a generalization of things that can be found in any culture)?

I have been summoned to answer interrogatories for a credit card debt that is approximately 2 years old of $2997. I should have probably paid more attention to this before, but I was not employed for a approximately one year, and since that time, I have been employed and probably should have addressed this, but I didn't receive any notification (out of sight, out of mind) until I received notice of judgement.

At this point, I am able to make significant (meaning, better than they'll be able to do by dragging me to court and garnishing my wages, I suspect) payments on the debt. What I'm able to do at this time, is to send $1k up front, and then $400 every other week until the debt is satisfied.

Questions that I have are:

1. Is there any point in calling the bank, now that they've summoned me for more information, to arrange payment, when I haven't done so already (my thinking is that there's the belief that since I've not already paid the debt, they may feel I have no intentions of doing so)?

2. If I offer them a payment arrangement, will that go against me somehow if they continue to pursue the interrogatories as opposed to accepting payment arrangement (which I don't wish to take off from work, and go almost a state away to participate in)?

3. Are they even likely to accept payment arrangement at all?

4. Should I contact the attorney they have on the case, or should I contact the bank directly? I did receive several calls from the bank early on, and know who is on the case (still rings in my ear, "This message is for _________. _________, please call Kathleen with ___________ credit union"

5. When calling to offer a reasonable, quicker than they would otherwise receive it, payment arrangement, should I keep that offer to what they are asking (the $3000, plus 15.9% interest from the date of judgement, plus legal fees)? Or, should I offer a smaller amount, given that I can't make a full settlement arrangement up front?

I am in the state of Virginia. Many thanks to any help that you can give. I'll keep check on this and update it with anything that may come up with helping to answer my question.

I just saw a similar question, only posed to women regarding men. Being a woman, I am more curious about what type of women that mature men more appreciate (and why). So, in a random scenario, which would you prefer:

Woman A: Beautiful enough to turn heads. You have her on your arm and you are the envy of everyone who doesn't know you. She's in great shape, flexible, and great in bed. Her primary interest is physical fitness, and it works very well for her. She's gotten promotions, invites to all the great events, and is the life of the party (not to mention your bedroom). With regards to children, she doesn't necessarily care for them, but doesn't shut them out either...they generally like her, even if she doesn't want to lose her figure by having any. She's flirty (but heh, that's how you two got together to begin with), and she may be at least "accused of" sleeping around on you now and then, but you believe she loves you and would do no such thing...you believe that people only talk that way because they're jealous (and maybe that's the case).

Woman B: Not a head turner, but you can still at least find yourself physically attracted to her, and even think it's cute when she goes out of her way to make you moreso. You two "click" fantastically, though the special things about her that make you love her aren't appealing to your cohort...just you. She tries to have fun with you, loves your presence and thinks you're the greatest thing in the world, and wants to start a family with you one day. Her primary interest is in providing for the two of you, as well as that family she has her sights set on. You have faith in your relationship, know that she loves you, and nothing would ever come between you.

Which woman would you pick as a "mature" man (I can't give an age for this...though I think most men who have maturing to do, at least realize it)? Your age and experience would be of great benefit to explain your position...including whether you think you fit the bill (for maturity), and why, along with your choice.

For those following politics, which in itself is answered by the August 2 question...what do you think is going to happen? For anyone not listening, go do some research and make an effort to give a well supported viewpoint.

I'm a fan of the zodiac, because of how true I am to it, and because so many relationships I've seen have been so predictable based on it and I find it interesting.

My BF and I have been together for a little over 2 years...at first long distance, but for over a year living together. His birthday is Feb. 10 and mine Nov. 17. I find him not to be true to many of the Aquarius ideals, though I'm very close to Scorpio. I find that we're both intellectuals, we have many similar interests (talk for hours about "random" silly things that most wouldn't, and find similar things interesting in the "real world", though when it comes to things like movies (just as an example), he's a sci fi guy and I'm more into more realistic stuff)...we still find places those things cross and enjoy many things of that nature together.

He's very giving, so much so that I've generally thought of myself as a giving person that I find that I'm the selfish one, and he is accepting of that and makes me want to do more and give more to the relationship. We've had 3 arguments in the time we've been together, the most recent one over the way we were turning the bed (I started without him, and he didn't understand why I didn't get his help, and then I just wanted him to help me lay the bed back down the way it needed to be and he wanted to discuss how it should be, at which point I told him that "this" is why I wanted to do it myself and he got aggravated and left for an hour...very minor, and that was about 3 months ago).

In general, we just click so well. I find him to be someone who doesn't care about much, but that he's very true to the idea that those things he cares about, he cares about a great deal, and he puts a lot into this relationship on my behalf. In return, I'm less stubborn and demanding, and find myself to be a more generous and loving person.

Just curious, for any of you zodiac lovers, about an interpretation of how this relationship has come to be.

The first question, I know anyone who says they don't is lying. Even if you do it with a tissue, you do it, but aside from that, everyone gets an annoying tickle there now and then when a tissue isn't around, so if you're pretending this doesn't happen to you, or you take great effort to avoid it, I'd like to know how it is exactly, that you get around it.

For the rest, which I'm sure is most of the population, what do you do with the pesky remnants that I believe I appropriately term "finger pets" that are left? Do you flick them, put them on your pants, eat them, save them in a jar...

Just curious :)