Tanja

I have a 3 yr old girl and a 7 yr old boy. I dread playdates. Firstly, because my son misbehaves, loves pretend play more than his playmates still. Loves minecraft etc. Lots of kids say they are bored and a good thing about my son is I never hear that from him, he is good at keeping himself busy, no matter what. I feel my son is nicer than most kids his age. He never bothers me or interrupts when people talk, he entertains himself and he is not rude or says he doesn t like something when we go over for dinner, he tries it. But, other kids seem tougher than he is, like to playfight and he does not. But, he will not say anything, he will just fall to the ground. He is also in his own world a lot of the time. He can get loud and whiny and yell "stop!!!" if we try to tell him something. He is on the smaller side for where he should be for his age. In short, I dread play dates because I am afraid our kids may be too different, I do not like seeing power imbalance and I am afraid if conflict happens and that my son will not say anything if he does not like it, he may go along, but I can tell when he starts throwing himself on the floor as if in his own little world of pretend play. He doesn t ask to have play dates or anything either. He loves playing with his sister. If we go to the park, he tends to gravitate towards the younger kids.....Any suggestions, comments, concerns I should have?

I have one more year at home before my daughter starts school. I would like to get back into the workforce. But, I feel lost, I don't even know how to start and wonder if there is something that I should be doing now to help get me prepared? Advice please. What have you done? How did you get back in?

Does your school send letters home asking parents to volunteer so they can have an extended lunch? donating food for their lunch? and asking you to have your kids write thank you notes so that they can give to the teachers at their luncheon, which parents and students are not invited to? How do parents feel about that? how do teachers feel about that?

What drives them to make that decision?

He does not seem to have any close friends at school. At the bus stop, other kids talk to each other or stand by their mom. He runs around with either a sword and is in his own little world, falling on the grass, poking people with the sword. When people do talk and ask him a question he does not respond, but he talks about his own thing. He over talks people. He also seems to get anxiety, if he feels he is not being listened to and he gets louder and more hostile. If you don't want to do what he wants, he yells "UGGGGGGG" then falls to the ground on his back and his eyes rolled up in his head, he is not consolable at that point. Then, he still comes back to that person, yelling, screaming and getting upset. He did it this week end at a birthday party to the birthday girl and boy. He wanted them to do what he wanted. The girl, his age can be mean to him as well, but instead of walking away, he starts to yell and he looks like he is causing the problem. Is this typical 6 yr old behaviour or should I be worried? What should I do to help him as his mother?

My son is 6. He has a friend that is sometimes nice to him and sometimes not. When they get together, they can play really well, but then it goes badly after a while. For example, they take a class together. Well, my son was soooo happy to see him in class and they appeared to be getting along. In class, the boy said to my son, I don't want to stand beside you. Well, this ruined my son's whole class. He looked down to the ground, shoulders slumped over and the teacher tried to talk to him, but he would not look at the teacher. My son looked like the problem and I called him over and we talked. But he still did not go back and join the class and he was visible really really upset. So my question is, how do I teach my son to take his power back and just say "bye"? I know it is confusing for my son because one minute this boy is nice and the other he is not. Another example is when he came into class the boy said playfully "let's fight!" my son had a huge smile on his face and they play fought. But, my son said he had to go to the washroom, when he came back, my son said "let's fight" and the boy said "NOOOOOO, I don't want to fight with you!". So, as an adult, even I am confused by his change in temperments and I wonder are you my son's friend or aren't you? He gets along really well with these two other boys and there is NEVER any fighting like this. So, should I stop playdates, he has to mature a bit? How can I teach my son to stand up?

I am an identical twin. Growing up was not easy. My parents did they best they could with the little we had. My dad had ankolosing spondilitis, which prevented him from doing a lot of physical activities and made him look like a hunchback. My mom was a immigrant from Germany and was never a Canadian citizen and never felt at home in Canada. Both parents did not have a lot of friends.

Our family was poor but our parents were well educated. My dad could only work with what he was physically able to do. He worked with the mentally challenged in a group home and taught English as a second language, both rewarding careers but the pay is very very low. My mom had odd jobs her whole life in retail or in a nursing home, never made over 20 grand a year. My sister and I had loving parents, but we grew up in a poor neighbourhood and we were bullied. I don't know how badly my sister was bullied, but I was and it gave me great anxiety years later. Now, I have my own kids. Both my sister and I are doing better financially than we had it growing up.

My son is 5 and daughter 2, I have never been good at making friends (very shy). My son only has 3 friends, that he met through me. My daughter has none. I am worried, if I am shy and so is my husband and I was bullied, will my kids go through the same as I did?

B

I know some people invite the whole class to a kids birthday party. I find it all pretentious. It is about showing off how much the parents love their child. Not to mention gifts. If the parents can afford such a big event, might as well say on the invitation to not bring any gifts but to come and have a good time.

This is why I think kids feel a sense of entitlement. I mean I had a friend who had a class party for both of her boys and put them together, so she had over 50 kids there. And, the boys took 2 days to open all their presents, not to mention if they can afford so much already and they get more stuff from strangers, it sends a message that allows them to feel entitled. My son does not have nearly as much as they do and he is nicer and kinder and happier.

It is just ridiculous to me. What do you think of class birthdays and entitlement these days?

because I really don't know who to invite. his birthday is in the summer and I don't know other parents in his kindergarten and it is over the long week end. We come back from Jamaica on July 3 and it doesn't give enough time to plan for a party for August 2 or before. I want to do something simple and I don't really know who his friends are in kindergarten. What should I tell my son? I do want it to be special. He is such a good kid, but I don't want to disappoint him either. What do other moms do in this situation?

Thanks in advance?

What would you do next? Would you go back to school? Take a few computer courses? Or just get your resume ready and start applying? Volunteer?

Are you close or estranged? If estranged, are there support groups out there for twins that are not close to their twin? How do you cope?