Kadee

Ok, well its a little more than that, when I was 6 years old my father died. That in and of its self is hard. I still cry to this day and in less than a week I will be 20. So 14 years now. When I was 17 starting my senior year of high school I got pregnant. I had my beautiful daughter, her name is Alaina. I love her to death but I gave her up for adoption. It's an open adoption which helps a lot but I'm NOT "mommy" which is so hard. I still get to see pictures of her, they upload them online. I just wish I could raise her, everyone says I did whats best, I'm sure I did. I just sit here and watch as all these girls around me, friends, family, acquaintances, are getting pregnant and keeping their babies. It's not fair, first I lose my father, now my daughter. She will be a year and 8 months on Christmas. I know I would of been a good mom. Or at least I think I would've been. It's just tough cause I have done so much with out my dad, I went to school, got good grades, graduated early and still walked with my class, had my daughter, gave her up, enlisted in the military, I'm becoming an EMT-B, I also might deploy. All of this without him. I just am hoping someone could give me advice on how to deal with not having my baby, or my father.