fps_dean

I am considering starting a career as a politician, maybe I can run for state senate and work my way up. I would be running as a republican.

However, I have never been a good liar. Would I be better of taking my chances as an idiotic democrat, or can the art of lying and keeping a straight face be learned?

I have a 2004 BMW 740li that I am trying to sell. It only has 100k on it or so. The one problem is that sometimes while driving at 120 mph or faster, there's a very noticeable vibration. I believe it needs a new driveshaft.

Since I do not have the money to fix it, how can I ensure that any potential buyer keeps it under 120mph on their test drive?

No weapons...

And if the bath salt zombie wins, can't we release them into gang terroritory and let them clean house?

Who would win in a fight. The fight takes place in a dark alley...

Team A: Me, and 1000 other large people,

vs

Team B: Justin Bieber

and if you picked Team A, how can I lure Justin Bieber into a dark alley?

Seriously, IHOP has always been famous for shootings. And now after the last one, they will certainly never outlive this one.

Were there many shootings at IHOPs in the past, or any famous events?

I was really disappointed that they did not let Luongo field questions in the postgame conference... I really want to know!

She is still not over the fact that I cheated on her with my secretary and got her pregnant. I have no idea how to tell her that I've now gambled away our life savings, all $500,000 of it, and it's going to take more than roses this time.

Please help!

I am trying to think of a domain name. Mostly for a personal website that may have anything to do with guitars, music, video games, computer hardware, various computer programming languages and other technology, and zombies (and probably something about Zombies at Walmart).

Everything I have thought of has been taken. I was going to go with boomstick.com but that was taken. Then I thought of ThisIsMyBoomstick.com and I could play the clip of Bruce Campbell saying "This is my BOOMSTICK!" and then add the "dot com" sound from those 90s commercials after it when the page loads...

Was thinking of doing a site that takes news storys, and explains how it's a cover up for a zombie outbreak (as a gag, obviously), but I see this possibly being used for several things so zombie-apocalypse is a little too vague.

Anyone have any ideas?

I was driving home drunk the other night and I ran over a couple people on a sidewalk. They were Mexicans and I think they were illegals so the police might not find out or care, what should I do?

I was cheating on my wife with my secretary, and my secretary got pregnant. How do I keep my wife from finding out?

I have an opportunity to star in a porn film as a male lead.

The pay is okay (the best hourly rate I will have ever made in my life), the girls are hot, and the director insists it will launch me a successful career, but should I take up the offer? I hear other places don't like to hire pornstars, so finding a job outside of the adult industries may be rather difficult. On the flipside, I'd be getting paid to do something I'd do anyway.

What do you all think?

Here's your chance to rick roll the asker, but you're going to have to find something worse than rick roll if you want 10 points for this one.

Am I the only one that things carrying the story about how Nick Anderson was the worst free throw shooter in NBA finals history is pretty lame?

I mean Orlando didn't even a game in the series, had he made his free throws then they would have lost in 5. And a 4 game or 7 game loss... is still a loss...

Seriously, this team is bad year in and year out. Occasionally they surprise a really bad team and take a win or two, but this year they only had two games all season that were even close at all, not to mention close at halftime.

And they always play at thanksgiving too... do they even have fans that go to their games when they are that bad?

I do not understand why they still have a team.

... oh yeah, and why? It's a landmark to not only New York city, or New York state but to this entire nation.

Well?

If you answer yes, you need your head checked

Your thoughts?

Who of the following would win in a fight and why? Let's assume all fights took place when both members were in their prime, so age is not a factor.

Sylvester Stallone as Rambo vs Arnold Schwarzenegger as Commando?

Arnold Schwarzenegger vs Claude Van Damme?

Darth Vader vs Superman?

Darth Vader vs Dr. Doom?

Chuck Norris vs Bruce Lee

Bruce Willis as John McClane (Die Hard) vs Mel Gibson as Martin Riggs (Lethal Weapon)?

Al Pacino as Tony Montana (Scarface) vs Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry?

Spiderman vs the Terminator

Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley vs Will Smith in Bad Boys.