Brooke

My husband has been telling me some major lies to the point I don't believe a word he says. The lies were about drinking to begin with. He's a recovering alcoholic and I started smelling beer when he would come in from work. He would say someone poured it on him or he didn't realize it was alcohol. Yeah right. Anyway, then he started lying about where he was. I know he was, or still is, having an affair. I just don't have the opportunity to hit the road yet. He would say he was at the neighbor's and then the neighbor would come over looking for him. Stuff like that. Then when I would confront him he would say the neighbor was lying.

The big lie that really bothered me was a week ago. He woke me up before dawn on a Saturday and started ranting about a restricted number that had just called my cell phone. He started saying I was having an affair and to tell whoever called to man up and not block the number. Let me say, I am not having an affair and even if I wanted to, would not have the opportunity.

I had this feeling that he called my number restricted because I set my phone to silent or turn it off when I go to bed and there is no way he could hear it ring. I checked his phone usage records and it was him that called me restricted. When I told him that he called my number, he blamed it on my step daughter. She was out of town that weekend. Then he said that he was afraid it was an emergency when he heard my phone ring and the ring woke him up. My phone was on silent. I remember seeing that the night I got the call.

Stuff is happening around my house. My pants were slashed with a knife, money is missing, etc. and he keeps blaming his daughter. I don't know how to confront him about his lying. He gets defensive and starts acting like a fool whenever I try to talk to him.

If you have been through this, I would greatly appreciate your advice. I think he has a real mental problem. Thanks for any civil advice.

We have been married for several years. We have had our ups and downs and we have fought through them and managed to strengthen a failing marriage. Our marriage is actually really good right now and it has been since March.

We spend time together and occasionally have date nights. We watch movies together and eat meals together. I pack his lunch in the mornings and kiss him good bye. From a distance we kind of have the perfect 1950s marriage.

Unfortunately, there are several small problems in our relationship that have rolled together into a huge problem.

1) He never initiates intimacy, at all. If we have any sexual relationship it is because I initiate it. He used to initiate it all the time. This has been going on for almost five months! I have rarely ever "not been in the mood" and have only turned him down a couple of times in the past. We have always had a very exciting sex life and we always tried new things.

2) Half the time I initiate sex he turns me down. He says he's tired or has a headache or just isn't in the mood. I'm about to take him to the doctor because it seems he's always sick.

3) Half of the time that he agrees to doing anything sexual, he doesn't want sex. He only wants to use a toy on me. Granted, it gets me where I need to be, but I could do that myself. He doesn't even take his clothes off for it.

4) When I try to talk to him about it, he always blames it on the fact that I don't go to bed when he does. He goes to bed at 8:00 p.m. I go to bed around 9:30 to 10:00 p.m. The reason I can't go to bed when he does is because we have 3 children and two are toddler and preschooler age. What am I supposed to do? Chain them to their beds and ignore them? Then, to add insult to injury, he stays up half the night in bed watching History Channel. He's too tired to have sex, but can stay up until midnight watching Pawn Stars?

5) I tried to talk to him about initiating sex and he basically said that he has to be turned on to have sex. Isn't that the point of initiating it? I would love for him to seduce me, but it never happens.

6) He doesn't even make an effort to look nice anymore. I don't even think he showers everyday. We were always the cute couple that always dressed nice. Now, I'm the wife that wears uncomfortable lingerie to sleep in and high heels to clean in, just hoping that he will notice. And he's the husband laying on the recliner in stinky clothes watching reruns of Law and Order.

7) He's never interested in resolving our issues. He just throws stuff in my face, like that time three years ago when I didn't give him oral or that time last week when I forgot to put two pieces of turkey on his sandwich. I'm not exaggerating. Those are two examples that I have heard.

8) He complains about everything I do or don't do. Even things that I wouldn't even notice.

9) He wakes me up every time he hears a noise, has to go to the bathroom during the night or is awake for some reason (bad dream, insomnia, an interesting television program, etc.). Then he gets mad if I don't wake up and throws that up to me.

10) He isn't romantic at all anymore. No slow dancing, no surprise flowers, no little notes, nothing. I leave little notes hidden in his lunch every few days and make CDs for him and make him special deserts. He used to be romantic, but not anymore.

I truly do not know what to do. Counseling is not an option. He will not talk civilly about anything. He gets defensive and clams up. I have tried using "I" statements and not blaming him, but instead trying to talk sensitively about the issues. It didn't work.

I feel like I am being taken for granted. I am starting to think about the benefits of being alone and wondering if I can live the rest of my life being ignored. I love my husband with everything I have in me and I want our marriage to last, but I also hate walking on eggshells and constantly worrying about what I have done wrong.

Serious answers only, please. I would really like to hear from some other people who have been through this and how they handled it. Thank you.

Let me start by saying that although I don't necessarily believe in ghosts, I still don't understand some things that are happening in my home. I will start with the knocking. It will start and last for hours through the night. It seems to be coming from all directions in my home.

Then there are the footsteps. We hear them quite a bit. Everyone in my house has heard them and there is no explanation. I have grown used to it and really don't pay it much mind anymore.

On occasion, I will see someone out of the corner of my eye and think it's my hubby or one of my children only to find that when I turn around it's gone. My hubby has seen these and so have my children.

Things are moving locations. I will set a plate on the counter and turn around. When I turn back to get it, it's on the table. I try to convince myself that I forgot that I actually put it somewhere else.

The most recent event happened a few days ago. It was daylight and I was standing in my living room doorway. A bright yellow light traveled across my living room ceiling and down the hallway and disappeared into the hall closet. Then two more appeared and followed each other and did the exact same thing. There were no reflections and the ceiling was lit from the outside daylight. These lights were bright yellow.

What are these lights? I can't find any information on the internet about them.

Most people on here complain about their spouses not being intimate enough. Not me. I don't have the energy anymore. My husband and I used to be very intimate, but now I would rather go to sleep. I wake up at 5:00 a.m. every morning. I get ready, get breakfast, get three kids ready, go to work all day, come home and cook and clean, get kids bathed and ready for bed and finish cleaning the house. I finish all this around 11:00 p.m. My husband does not work. He stays with our children during the day while I work. He hasn't been doing anything around the house, so it is always waiting for me when I get home in the evenings. Plus, I always have some kind of school function to bake for or extra children at my house or school projects, etc. The weekends are just as hectic if not worse. That's when I have to catch up on everything. He doesn't understand why I go to bed and start snoring when my head hits the pillow. I have tried to increase my libido, but nothing has worked. I don't know if it's the fact that I have to do everything or if it's a problem with me physically. I get so angry when I come home from work everyday and he goes to sleep on the recliner while I'm trying to do everything. He sleeps till noon on the weekends. Then he tells me that he gets upset cause I'm never in the mood. I tried to talk to him nicely and I even told him if I slept all evening and night I would have energy too. Any advice. I'm afraid this will eventually hurt our marriage.

This morning I have already seen two bullying reports on the news. First, a seven year old gets plastic surgery to stop kids from making fun of her ears. Second, an email was sent out about girls who don't have a date for the prom commenting on their appearance, clothing, body type, sexual experience, etc. I don't go a day without seeing or hearing something about how children are behaving. My question is, what are parents doing to move their children in the right direction and to teach their children respect and manners? My children are perfect. Perfectly capable of doing anything they think they can get away with. My oldest child is a teenager and she has a cell phone and internet access. I check her call, messaging and data logs online every couple of days to see who she is talking to and when she is talking to them. I have actually prohibited her from talking to two of her friends. I have three children and we are about to take in another child. We eat dinner together at the table and the children have to use good table manners. We do not tolerate back talk and all our children have certain chores they are expected to do. If they do not do their chores, bring home bad grades, back talk, etc. they are disciplined. It doesn't always work like a charm. My daughter was actually suspended from school a month ago. Hence the reason she cannot talk to two of her friends. We do not buy our children new things every time we go somewhere. We save the purchases for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, and before school starts in the fall. We buy them things they need between those times. Do you think that parents are trying too hard to be their children's friends? Do you think that parents are turning their heads when they see a problem with their child's behavior? Do you think we rely too much on buying the love of our children? Children seem to have so little respect at this time. Are teachers turning their heads at school when they see bullying? Are the parents of bullies not stepping up enough? This is just a general question. Seeing all the bullying articles has peaked my interest. What will you, as a parent or parent to be, do to stop your child from acting this way? How do you advise your children to handle a bully? All opinions are welcome.

My daughter did something pretty bad last month. She stole an ipod from a girl at school, got suspended and we ended up having to pay. Anyway, we took away all her privileges. Also, let me mention that we found stolen stuff in her bedroom after the incident and we found lighters. She is 13 and having any form of paraphernalia is strictly prohibited in my house. We gave her the opportunity to earn privileges back. She earned a phone call on the weekends and staying the night with her grandmother, who is a negative influence we have realized. She also earned playing the Wii and TV. Well, she has decided that she is not going to do her chores until we demand that she do them. She says she does them, then we check and she hasn't. She was supposed to clean the bathroom yesterday evening, and I cleaned it at 6:00 this morning. She is not doing the things we ask and then she is lying saying she is. I am thinking about just telling her she's grounded till schools out, no privileges, and I will just do the chores myself. She is really trying my last nerve. Has anyone done something like this and did it work? There is a month and a half left of school. Do you think this will work? I'm sick of her attitude, smart remarks, eye rolling, lying and everything. I have to do something. Let me also mention, she already had an ipod. She said she stole it cause she figured she wouldn't get caught. What an excuse!!!!

My husband has been in this horrific mood for two days. He has always been a bit on the childish side. Example: Getting mad when things don't go his way and ignoring me. Anyway, he called me at work Friday and said I needed to take care of a problem with our phone bill. I was very busy trying to meet a deadline that was only 30 minutes away and told him I would call when I left the office and handle it then. BTW, please don't ask why he couldn't handle it. That's a different problem. :) He got upset and whined to his grandmother and then told me how I hurt his feelings. Things seemed to go pretty smoothly Friday evening. We went to bed, I put the moves on him, he declined, I said okay and we went to sleep. Saturday he slept till noon, went to his friend's while I stayed with the kids and he said he was going to play poker Saturday night. I knew I was going to be around the house, so I didn't get ready to go anywhere. After dinner, he canceled his plans and said he wanted to go out with me. Hello? Two kids and I didn't even have on makeup. We would have needed a sitter and everything, plus it was almost 7:00 p.m. I declined and offered to spend time together at home. He went out to take movies back and go to the store after that. He got home around 8:30 p.m. Then, I asked him to play Wii with me and our daughter (which he promised her earlier that day) and he said no. Then, after me and my daughter played Wii for a few hours, we all went to bed. During the night I vaguely remember him putting the moves on me and I went back to sleep. Next thing I know he is ranting and raving that I must be cheating on him. WTH?! Now, he is still asleep at 11:30 a.m. and won't get out of bed. He said he has nothing to say to me and is treating me really bad. I don't understand it. Is this normal for men, or could there be something else? Is he feeling guilty? I go to work and come home. I don't go anywhere else, so when would I cheat and why would he say that? He is gone all the time to a friend's house. I don't get it. Plus, why is he acting so stubborn? Is he mad because I wouldn't argue with him at 3:00 a.m.? Does anyone else have to go through this?

We are taking a family vacation to the beach this summer. We usually go out to eat every night, but this year there are going to be 18 of us going, so eating in restaurants is not an option. We have decided to cook every night. We are getting two large condos and they have full kitchens. What are some good recipes that will feed 18 people?

My husband and I have decided that this year we want to grow our own vegetables. We eat a lot of squash, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, peppers, and basically any vegetable that can be grilled in the summer. We live in a subdivision so we only have a small piece of our property that we can use. I figured that would be good for potatoes and other root vegetables. I have tons of planters. What vegetable would grow good in planters. We live in a farming community in Virginia, so vegetables grow very good in this area. Thanks for the advice.

My husband and I had many problems in our marriage. We even split up at one time, but we are together now. I work Monday through Friday 8:00 to 5:00. By the time I get home from work, get dinner cooked, get children bathed and in bed and get things cleaned up, it's 11:00 p.m. and time for bed. My husband is a stay at home father. We decided it would be better if I worked, because I bring home more income, and he stayed home with our two younger children, since daycare would take up his whole paycheck and more. With three children, we don't get a lot of time together. We never get to go out on a date. So, every weekend I rent movies. A couple for all of us, and a couple of scary movies because me and my husband like horror flicks. Last weekend he had poker night on Friday and helped his friend all day Saturday. I worked all week and had after school activities. I asked him Thursday if we could spend some time together this weekend. He said yes. I arranged for one of our children to go to my mom's. Well, he stayed gone off and on all evening yesterday. Then he went to help his uncle all day today. My mom called to see if me and the other two children wanted to go out to eat tonight and I told her no, that I was going to spend time with my husband when the kids went to bed. Well he decided to go play poker (again). He asked me if he could go and I said, "I am not going to tell you what you can and can't do. I would love for you to spend time with me tonight." He fiddled around for a minute and then said, "I will be back some time tonight." I am not his mother and I don't want to say, "No! You are not going!" What should I do? What makes me irritated is he complains that he never gets to see me and he's the one always going out.

My teenage daughter got in a lot of trouble recently for stealing an ipod at school. It was a big shock to me because I never imagined she would do something like that. We have tried to instill good values and morals in all our children. The sad part is I found out she lies about a lot of things. Now, I can't trust her. When we searched her room we found stuff she had stolen from us. Anyway, the ipod was recovered but the accessories were not. She says she didn't have them, but she also said she didn't have the ipod. She was suspended from school for a week and her grades will suffer. We have grounded her for the remainder of the school year, taken her cell phone, canceled her facebook, etc. But she has been lying to us again. What can we do? When I asked why she stole it (she had an ipod), she simply said she didn't think she would get caught. I asked why she stole the other stuff and she said the same thing. I don't know what to do. These are big lies and if she had been an adult, she could have been charged with grand larceny. Any advice is appreciated.

My husband's friend seems to always be around. He seems like a generally nice guy, but he kind of gives me the creeps. He always make inappropriate comments to me. He makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

One example is every time he sees me, he says things like "You are looking good" and "I'd like to see under those clothes." He says it like he's joking, but it is very inappropriate. He answered my husband's cell phone and told me to talk to him like I talk to my husband. It makes my skin crawl.

I have talked to my husband, but he just says that his friend is joking. I don't want to be mean to his friend. Any ideas on what I can say to him?

I have never seen a ghost. I have heard this horrible knocking in my home for as long as I've lived here and I can't explain it. My husband sees things, though. It started with shadows, then to a little boy and today he called my at work freaking out because he saw the reflection of a man with light brown hair, a flannel shirt and jeans in our full length mirror in the laundry room. I figured he had to catch a glimpse of his own reflection and didn't think much of it. Then, he showed me where he was standing and I realized that I couldn't see MY reflection in the mirror if I wasn't actually standing in the laundry room. He said he was in the dining room and there was no way it was his reflection. I asked what the man did and he said that he moved sideways and the reflection was gone. Like a man was actually walking in front of the mirror. I know this question is a bit jumbled, but I am at wits end. I have an appointment with an investigator on Monday, but I am very impatient. No one has ever died in this house. In fact, my house is fairly new. I worry because my husband was working as a welder in a coal mine and needed old flannel shirts to wear to work. We went to the local food pantry and got a bunch for $0.25 a piece. Can spirits attach themselves to clothing and things like that? I don't know much about it, but I really want to find out what's going on in my house. Thanks to everyone who tries to help.

My hubby used to always look nice. He took care of himself and was so good looking. He used to have girls all around him. For the past six months, I am doing good to even get him to take a shower every day. YUCK! I love to look nice. I put on makeup every day just as I always have. Even when I clean I try to look nice for him because I don't want him to think that he is not special enough for me to put on makeup and stuff. He, on the other hand, won't ever clean up. I feel bad because we went to the store the other day. I had on jeans and a sweater. My hair was fixed and I wore makeup. He had on a pair of beat up old sweat pants (that were a bit too thin in the front) and a t shirt that was too small and too short. It had holes in it! I felt awful because I was almost embarrassed to be around him. He won't fix his hair or even shave anymore. Well, that is bad enough, but tonight his friend wanted him to go out for a while and he showered, shaved, put on one of his best outfits, put on cologne and his wool coat and black leather dress shoes and was out the door. Why can't he look nice around me? Ever?! He doesn't even dress nice to go to eat with me anymore. I really want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He is going to a club tonight and dressed up, but all he wears when we go out are ugly running pants and t shirts. How can I address this? He always looked nice before. Any advice would be helpful.

My hubby's fam guilts us into having Thanksgiving dinner at our house every year. Every year we ask that people from his huge family bring a little something, and then we spend half our saved Christmas money making up the rest. This year, I had my hours cut at work and we have been struggling since we have three kids that are small. My hubby told his fam that we weren't going to have the dinner here due to financial problems and they assured us that everyone would chip in money. All 30 people. Then, a bunch said they weren't coming this year. So 2 people chipped in and yesterday the whole fam decided to come after saying they weren't. I assume they didn't want to donate to the dinner. Now, we have spent a ton of money on food and plates and utensils and the people who didn't donate say they will bring a pan of brownies or something. So, my first question is, should I just cook what the $50 from the three of us who donated bought? Should I mention the money when they come? Also, they all complain about health problems, like a stubbed toe that prevents them from working, and all their financial problems, even though they all drive huge SUVs and drink all the time. I don't think I can handle the whining this year. If they start, should I just go to my momma's? Or should I remind them that they are eating a free meal and should be thankful? I am so stressed right now. Please help! I know I sound whiny, but I am not whining, I am just furious. They do this all the time. My fam isn't like this at all and I am not used to it. If you want a good idea of what it is like, think a house full of cousin Eddie's from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

I have apparently lost quite a bit of weight. I can wear clothes that I haven't worn since before I got pregnant with my last child. BTW, he is 11 mths old. Anyway, my clothes are getting baggy, but when I look in the mirror I still see myself as a fat blob. I don't understand how my self esteem is so low even though I am smaller than before I got pregnant. I haven't had this problem since highschool, when I had anorexia and bulimia, and I am starting to get worried. I am starting to feel guilty when I eat. I have no insurance right now and can't afford to go to a doctor. Are there any suggestions on how to beat this. I know that eating disorders never go away. Any web sites or groups I can check?

My hubby doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. He doesn't help me at all around the house and he is supposed to be the stay-at-home dad. I work. He shuns the kids, too.

He doesn't even want to be intimate with me anymore. He tries to seduce me when the kids are up or when I am doing something important, like a business call. That is only once in a blue moon. Whenever we are supposed to have a romantic evening, he starts a fight with me. He starts nitpicking with me about crazy stuff. Last night, out of the blue, he insulted my parenting skills. We made up, and planned to have an evening tonight. Well, he stayed out with his sister until 8:30 p.m. and then his uncle called and he said, "my uncle wants me to go out with him." He went, even though I asked him not to.

Anyway, he conveniently forgot his cell phone and house keys, so I called his uncle's phone to tell him and they won't answer. He said they were going to a bar and grill called Donnie's. I called to ask when he would be home so I would know whether or not to go to bed and the owner, a friend of mine, said he hadn't seen him. I called the only other two bar and grills in the area and they were closed. I texted my friend who tends the only other bar and she said she hadn't seen him.

The only other places left are strip clubs and single clubs. He knows I don't want him to go there, but that is the only other places he could be, unless he is at someone's house. In that case, why is his uncle not answering?

I am not ugly, so please no rude comments. In fact, I am 10 years youngers and in a lot better shape. Is he cheating? Why is he lying to me about where he goes? I would love to be intimate with him and I am very adventurous. Why would he need to? Please help me.

When I greet someone I usually say, "How are you?" and expect a simple answer like "good." I know a lot of people use this greeting. Whenever anyone asks my husband he begins to tell them all his problems. It is quite embarassing and I was wondering if anyone has any advice for me. I want him to stop telling people everything. He tells them gross things too. How should I get him to stop without hurting his feelings?

My husband is hypoglycemic. I don't know exactly what that is, but I know it has something to do with his sugar. He never takes care of himself and I have never seen him check his sugar. Every few days, he gets sick. He gets dizzy and sick to his stomach. He also gets a headache. I don't think it is the flu because he never has a sore throat, cough or fever. My hubby is also a stay at home dad and I go to work. We have three kids, two of which are not in school yet. I have gotten to the point that I don't like going to work because he is always "sick" and doesn't do anything around the house. I cook, clean, take care of kids, help with homework, etc. I am exhausted and I feel like he would feel better if he would monitor his sugar and eat healthy and maybe even exercise a little. If you have or know someone who has hypoglycemia, please explain if these are symptoms of sugar problems and how I can get him to help himself. I am at wits end and I am so tired from doing everything. Please help!!

My husband and I believe in giving tithes. We are low income at the moment and we give tithes on any "surprise" income we receive such as settlements, back pay, etc. We are in a very rough spot right now and are having a hard time paying bills. Last month both cars messed up and it took a lot to repair them. We paid our bills, but we couldn't afford groceries. His grandmother, who is a Christian woman and never says a bad word about anyone, loaned us $140 for groceries. We promised to pay her back and she has been asking us about it everyday. Anything she gives us, we must pay it back to the penny. Now, here is my actual questions. When my husband pays tithes from OUR income, he pays it to his grandmother and aunt. They go to the same church, so why not give it to one if it is going to the church? He explained that tithes is charitable contributions or money to God. His family is in no financial hardship. Shouldn't we be giving charity to those who need it? Should we give tithes to our church instead of hers? I guess it kinda burns me that we have to pay her every little penny she gives us and then she calls and asks for our tithes and I think she is using it for her, or at least part of it. Should I suggest giving tithes to our church? How do I suggest this without insulting my hubby? She shouldn't get upset if she is using the tithes for the right reason which is God, right? I don't know that much about it and her religion is quite different from mine. Advice please?