How do I deal with a mother-in-law and sister-in-law that hate me?
My mother-in-law has hated me from the start, and i've tried to deal with it but my husbands grandmother recently died and she told him I wasn't welcome to come to the funeral which is a huge slap in the face. My sister-in-law has been my best friend for 10 years (which is how I met my husband) and suddenly she just doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't know what's happened but it's driving me crazy. I feel she should at least talk to me about it. She used to act as a buffer between me and her mother but now my mother-in-law says whatever she wants and my sister-in-law won't defend me. I'm sick of the insults and the backstabbing but I love my husband. How can I go on without this straining our marriage?
MoMattTexas2006-06-26T06:20:21Z
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That is really rough. If your sister-in-law has been a friend for 10 years, start with her. Ask her out to dinner, just the two of you, and really lay it on the line and ask what it is that has changed so much between the two of you.
I can't imagine what could have happened to make the mother-in-law so angry as to say you weren't welcome to a funeral of someone in the family.
Distance yourself emotionally as much as possible. Try to get some answers from the sister-in-law. Remember that you are married to your husband, not the in-law's.
First of all don't try to respond. Their hate isn't rooted in logic or even empathy so you won't make it any better.
Obviously your best friend and her mother has some problems with you marrying her brother. The nature of your relationship with them changed and they are having a hard time dealing with it.
The best thing to do at this point is to make sure that your husband backs you up. He should be made to know that this is a real problem (don't let him get away with dismissing it out-of-hand--it is a problem for you so it is a problem for me) and make sure he understands he needs to back you up 100%. Once his family sees that he is serious about backing you up I'm sure they will come down, at least a little bit.
Well thats a tough situation that your in right now. Chances are the reason your sister-in-law isnt talking to your is because of your mother-in-law. The way I would go about it is to call your mother-in-law out and ask her to talk to you, or better yet ask her to go out for a cup of coffee or something. Then id confront her and tell her, Listen im married to your son there is nothing that you can do about it, he loves me and I love him.We may as well solve are problems because we cant continue going on like this I love your son and the way your treating me is unfair. So really just come to an understanding with her. Even if she doesnt go for it atleast your the better person for having tried.
Tell your husband, he has to deal with it but do not make him feel torn between people that he loves, try to deal with it yourself first . Don't let them bully you. I had a similar problem but after ten years they got the point that I'm not going anywhere. As long as you are satisfying you man and he has no complaints, you are fine. Do not let them outcast you from any other family activities have your own identity make sure the other members of the family know you and make them love you for the person you are.
Sister, according to The Bible, when a man marries, he leaves his parents, and forms a new family with his wife (and their children). The two of you are now AS ONE. So where is your husband in this situation?
Ideally, it should have made it clear from the beginning that YOU are now his family, and his parents (and siblings) have to learn to live with that and be civil to you, if they can't be gracious.
If you aren't welcome in their home and lives -- then neither is he. Because to "accept" him, and not you, is actually to treat him as a child, and disregard his right to make his own decisions and live his own life.
Forget about your mother-in-law and sister-in-law -- you need to work a few things out with your husband.