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Sarah D
Sarah D asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

How to deal with sisters future mother in law?

My Question is what i should do or not do with my sisters future mother in law. Her future mother in law is trying to control and manipulate everyone and turning the victim card on her when she doesn't get her way with the wedding. Her and her husband are paying for my sister and her sons wedding. She volunteered to pay (my parents are broke but would of found a way to help pay stuff she just took over and assumed they couldn't pay any )and then took control over everything. My sister hasn't had really a say in what she wants and then when it came to picking out the wedding dress she went behind my mothers back and didn't even invite her. Also kicked my sisters friend out of the wedding because she asked if she could have a pink dress to wear (which is kinda crazy cause my sister hates pink) and my sister said no but she was still wanting her in the wedding and my sister wanted peach for the bridesmaids dress. Come to find out her mother in law chose the color. Its wisteria(purple) and everyone finds it weird cause my sister is more of a earthy fan of colors even brown and orange colors and always said to me (i like purple) that purple wasn't her type of color. Also found out her mother in law likes purple...hmm. Myself and my aunt are also throwing my sister a bridal shower and her mother in law told us who to invite and who we couldn't invite, even though shes throwing another bridal shower for her side of the family. She also kicked out more people that my sister wanted and then added more for her family. Its only supposed to be 50 people so i said why can't my sister have 24 and he(her son) have 24 since both my sister and her son are counted with those 50. There is so much stress and I am contemplating by backing out as a matron of honor just so i don't have to deal with this woman's mess. I really don't because i don't want to hurt my sisters feelings but i don't know what to do. Any Advice?

Update:

The reason why i have been in with all this business is because the mother in law is telling me what to do as well. She yelled at me for getting the wrong shoes and i asked my sister if they were ok and she liked them. Its because i went and bought them without telling her mother in law. As for my sister , yes i do agree she needs to stand up for herself but shes scared of her because of how much money her mother in law has put into the wedding. As for peach, who cares if it went out, id wear it cause my sister wanted the color. It was my sisters choice not her mother in laws. And her fiance is a mommas boy.

Update 2:

To the whole thing about how my sister and her fiance should be paying for it themselves...She wanted to. They were going to have a long engagement so that they could afford it and then her mother in law jumped in said hey lets have it in march and we will pay for it. Yes i think my sister should of said no but how do you say no to someone who is a threat?

Update 3:

Also if you read it carefuly no where does it say where i want a say in the wedding, All i want is this witch to stop being a bully to my family. If its because i am throwing a bridal shower that is no means of me saying i have a say in the wedding. Were throwing one for our side because the two familes live over an hour and a half way from each other. She can not tell us who not to invite from our own family to the shower we are throwing. Also she sent me addresses to invite to the bridal shower we are throwing and even listed my parents own address...Alittle strange since i lived with my parents 24 years before i moved out into my own house with my husband like i wouldn't know their address...this shows she has to have control of everything.

10 Answers

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  • Jessy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's your sisters choice on what she wants to do...be the matron of honor for your sister...it's her wedding day.

    Deal with it for your sister. After the wedding, remove yourself from the situation.

  • SISSY
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like you all need to have an intervention with the mother in-law. Just explain to her that while you are thankful that they are paying for the wedding, it is still your sister and her son's. And it is so unfair that they basically have no say so in their own wedding. When she plays the victim card just explain to her that you all are trying to take her feelings into consideration but it is getting tired. It seems that she is the type that you have to be firm with, she won't break even if she makes you think she will. Please don't give up being the matron of honor do for your sister she really needs every ally she can get right now. Just talk to the mother in-law and put it all out on the table. Good luck:)

  • Sue B
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It sounds like the Mother In-Law to be, is planning her OWN wedding. She's doing what SHE had wanted.

    Your sister and her fiance have to stand up to her if they DON'T then this witch will get her way.

    WHY hurt your sister by backing out?

    You and your aunt CAN invite ANYONE you want to the SHOWER your putting on. SO, Just ignore her, and let her see that at least YOU and Auntie have BACKBONES ( even though your sister doesn't)

  • Julie H
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It's your sisters wedding and tell her this is only the beginning, If her fiance doesn't have the balls to confront his mother on her controlling behavior, she can count on it continuing and eventually it will result in a divorce. Sounds to me like she is marrying a "Mama's boy" and that can never be fixed. He will run to her and tell her everything he knows, she will tell him what to do and and she will do her best to get your sister out of his life so she can have him back to herself. Tell her not to have any kids with him or the mother-in-law will try her best to get full custody. Trust me. It's a nightmare if he won't stand up to his Mom.

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  • Onya
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    To be honest you really don't have a say so to your sister's wedding. I mean YOU aren't even paying for the wedding yourself nor are you even getting married lol. If your sister wants a wedding HER WAY then she and her guy should pay for it themselves.... pure and simple.

    Good luck!

  • floppity
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Didn't read all of that, but just be glad it isn't your mother in law. And bear it in mind when you come to choosing a man, because a mother like that can really ruin a relationship.

  • just me
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    As much as you love your sister, You should probably be there for her. If she won't stand up for herself, you can't do it for her.Hopes she likes having no say in anything. Chances are it won't end with the wedding.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    this is totally and completely your sisters problem - the only thing you CAN do is stand by your sister in her time if need - and she needs yoU!

  • witchychick
    1 decade ago

    Butt out. Its none of your business. Its your sister problem let her handle it

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Stay out of their business. easy as that.

    Source(s): Army Strong Former Commander in Chief
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