Anonymous
Favorite Answer
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.
Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."
"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the **** are you?" the man asks
"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.
"Those little bastards!"
Anonymous
3 ghosts were floating around a cemetary when they decided to talk about how they each died.
The first one said, "I just bought a new exercise tread mill and since it was such a nice day I decided to test it out on the balcony of my 15th floor apartment. After the first few minutes, the machine went out of control, going faster until it threw me over the guard rail. Luckily, I caught hold of the 12th floor balcony, but the person living there angrily stomped on my hands which made me fall the rest of the way down. Lucky again, I landed in some bushes, but I looked up just in time to see the angry man throw his refrigerator on top me."
The second ghost said, "I had just come home to my new 12th story apartment from a tough day at work when I noticed another man's clothing on the floor and my wife was in the shower. I looked all over for the guy my wife was cheating with when I noticed the bastard was hanging off of my balcony trying to hide from me. I angry stomped at his hands until he let go, but he landed in some bushes. So I mustered all my strength to pick up the fridge and throw it on top of the guy, but my sleeve caught, pulling my down with the fridge.
The third ghost steps up and says, "Okay, get this: So there I was, hiding naked in a refrigerator..."
Anonymous
Here it is the most POWERFUL word in the English language!!!
.
You can be shitfaced, be sh*it out of luck, or have sh*it for brains.
With a little effort you can get your sh*it together, find a place for your sh*it, or decide to sh*it and get off the pot.
You can smoke sh*it, buy sh*it, sell sh*it, lose sh*it, find sh*it, forget sh*it, and tell others to eat sh*it and die.
You can sh*it or go blind, have a sh*it fit, or just sh*it your life away.
People can be sh*it headed, sh*it brained, sh*it blinded, and sh*it over.
Some people know their sh*it while others can't tell the difference between sh*it and shineola.
There are lucky sh*its, dumb sh*its, crazy sh*its, and sweet sh*its.
There is bull sh*it,horse sh*it and chicken sh*it.
You can throw sh*it, sling sh*it, catch sh*it, or duck when the sh*it hits the fan.
You can take a sh*it, give a sh*it, and serve sh*it on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep sh*it, or be happier than a pig in sh*it.
Some days are colder than sh*it, some days are hotter than sh*it, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like sh*it, things can look like sh*it, and there are times when you feel like sh*it.
You can have too much sh*it, not enough sh*it, the right sh*it, the wrong sh*it, or or a lot of wierd sh*it.
You can carry sh*it, have a mountain of sh*it, or find yourself up sh*it creek without a paddle.
Sometimes you really need this sh*it and sometimes you don't want any sh*it at all.'
Sometimes everything you touch turns to sh*it and other times you swim in a lake of sh*it, and come out smelling like a rose.
SH*IT! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your sh*it, you don't need to know anything else!
♥♥♥QT'Z @ PLAY♥♥♥
Bill Joe and Mary continue to use their pool all year round even in winter when it is snowing, but they don't use it in summer. How do they use it in winter when it is snowing?
It is a carpool, they are kids and use it after school!
They person who makes it doesn't know who it is for
They person who buys it doesn't use it
The person who is using it doesn't know they are using it
Its a coffin!
simply_me
Ever heard of an Amish driveby shooting? The witnesses said they heard "clip clop clip clop bang bang clip clop clip clop".