Should I be considered selfish for no wanting to have children?
My frined and I, we both of us used to party together, work in the same company and we were best friends. I decided to go back to school, graduated and aspired other goals in my life/career. Her goals were to get marry, buy a house, and be a stay-home mom. All her goals became reality, but she became bitter, always attacking me for not hanging out as before. Recently, we had dinner and when I told her that I want to get a MBA, and she somehow manipulated the conversation to accused me of being selfish for not wanting to have children right now and that "was nothing wrong saying that I was selfish". Question: are all women expected to have children? if so, why?
2007-10-03T14:58:12Z
Awesome answers so far, but for those that still think that "I don't do it because I ONLY want to think about myself"....what makes you believe that? assumption? religious belief that women are supposed to devote their lives to other (perhaps children)? this is what I really want to know. Thanks.
Anonymous2007-10-04T13:48:07Z
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No, your not being selfish!!...Having your own children who look alike and have all the same afflictions is at best overrated!!
If there is anything in life that last forever, and means more than anthing else it's Education and Your Health (in that order)!
Once you have your education, everything else will fall into place.
I am sure you won't realize that completely until your at that point in your life where, it's a little easier to remember what was, than what will be!
Affluence, Success, Religion, friendship are good in there own way and make life easier, but they can be swapped around substituted, or avoided!
Not all of us are rich or successfull enough to be affluent and its not hard to summize that not all people are religious.
Even children will make up a small part of your life ,with few exceptions, unless you plan on giving birth on a perpetual basis.
Just like your best friend and your asperations of moving in different directions..it's impossible to predict what will change because of our goals.
Friendships can last for long periods, but do change and can be thrown out!
Children can be adopted, and except for the fact that they won't look like your dad, or be allergic to the same things, can be as purposeful and endering as your genetic offspring.
Many, things are overated and the more you believe in an outdated belief, the more you will be dissapointed when things don't turn out like you expected (like your friend)!
That doesn't mean you can't participate later in life, or have a normal birth after your education is complete!
Surround yourself with people and friends that believe in the same things as you, and you will be half the way there!
Create your own belief system or Dos and Don'ts. You, decide what's important.
I don't think so....I don't want to have children .... I like children and I would never harm a child intentionally, but being a parent is not for me..I knew from an early age that I would not be "good" at raising children,because I could only stand to be around them in small doses.( no patience). Realizing that about my self, getting pregnant would have been ,at the very least, unfair to the child.....If that makes me selfish in some peoples eyes, too bad. I have no idea why some people believe that all women should have children. They need to look at some of the headlines in the news lately..clearly there are some women that should NOT have had children.
You never said you never wanted children, it's just not where you are right now. Pursuing your dreams is not being selfish, it is living. Women have always been looked at the nurturers and care givers for children, church functions, husbands, etc. This does not mean that all women have to be stay at home moms, for those of us that have chosen to do so great. For those women who have not great. There is no biblical law that says all women must get married and have kids and stay at home with them and forget the dreams that God out in our hearts. We can do all that and pursue our dreams if that is the plan God wants for us, but if not take the opportunity you have to pursue your dreams without hesitation. This could also be a good time for you to help your friend. She is probably feeling a little saddled by the day to day life of being a mom. It is hard to give up your former life for your kids and not feel sorry for yourself from time to time. This is your time to love here and give her a helping hand when you see she needs it.
I never wanted children of my own and I never had any. I never felt that I was just the right person to be a mother. Besides, my career allows too little time to devote to children. I have nothing against them...it's just not right for me.
Just because I'm able to reproduce doesn't mean that I'm bound by some law that says I have to.
Having children is a choice and it's one that many women make. However, there are plenty of women out there...myself included...that have a very satisfyling life without them.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Make your choice...just try to make sure that it is the right one.
I haven't read any other answers, so this is just from the heart.
Let me first say that I have three children and that I have been a stay at home mom for ten years.
Then let me say that no, of COURSE you are not selfish for not wanting children of your own. It would be selfish to have children that you don't really want in order to fulfill some sort of societal expectation.
You can be a giving and loving person in many, many ways. Some do through birthing, adopting, or nurturing children. That is fantastic. But others take other paths. It's ridiculous to judge somebody's selflessness on their parental status.