the man's role in the wedding... am I insensitive?
I'll be getting married in about a year's time. I spend 7 months a year at sea, and have asked my fiancee to do the wedding planning. In exchange for this, I compromised on the ceremony (not in a church, though I'm religious) and the costs (I'm paying for almost everything)... In the meanwhile, I'll have to go back to sea early to pay for everything, which means that I REALLY can't be around, especially after the honeymoon's over.
Now, all that in mind, I'm getting a lot of grief because I'm not around to help with the plan. I'm not around so much because of the cost of the reception, and if I was, I'd probably disagree on some of the details anyway... I am being called unromantic and insensitive? Am I? I mean, I'm a guy, I really don't care too much about a wedding or a reception, and want her to be happy, but at the same time, can I expect some kind of leeway just because I'm the one paying?
J'adore2007-12-23T16:45:18Z
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It seems like you have a picky girl.
Your right, most guys aren't into wedding planning. But, they usually go willingly to look at reception sites or taste the food/cake.
However, you aren't around for this b/c you are away at work. It seems like you have a girl that's a tad bit ungrateful OR she's upset by the fact you work alot.
These issues seem to have little to do with planning a wedding. How is she going to feel once you leave after the honeymoon?
Her attitude is going to change from "you aren't here planning the wedding" to "why can't you fix the bathroom door or clean the garage"
You seem to be sacrificing a LOT financially and emotionally to give this girl what she wants. I admit, that's a good quality in a man.
However, if she's not grateful; she's taking you for a ride. If it's not that, perhaps she upset by your career choice and it's reflect in her attitude. Almost like she's trying to make you change by b!tching about everything all the time.
I am doing all the planning as well, and my finace lives with me! You have to work, and if you didn't there would be no wedding!!
Perhaps, you can just ask as many questions to at least show your interest. Or give some ideas, like what colors you like. Even if you can't plan, at least seem interested. I don't think you are insensitive, but if she if freakin b/c you are at sea for 7 months, and can't be there to plan a wedding what is going to happen when life throws other issues at you...like house hunting, babies, hopefully she will become more understanding by then.
Well my husband planned our wedding extensively - he came up with some really great ideas for it, he's a pastry chef so he even made our 5 tier wedding cake. He did a lot more then me and he made all the calls for everything and so forth. The point is, he wanted to be involved.
I feel sorry for any woman who's marrying a man "who doesn't care about the wedding or reception." How sad!
Well. the love of my life is a sailor. he had very little to say in how i planned our wedding. he just wanted to show up. i asked him to choose the date. i chose everything else. As for your fiancee saying your insensitive... im with both of you on this..We (brides) like to know what our men want and don't want. we want them to have a say in what is happening. it's a BIG under taking to plan a wedding, even if it's a backyard shindig. My advice as a military wife... give her some ideas about what you might like ie venue,. colors, honeymoon destination, cost, budget, guest list, and then compromise. It's not a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to her.
I paid for half of our wedding which was just under $700.00. So I can sympathize on the money issues.
Just be open to suggestion, and tell what you want, and go from there. I wish you much joy... and good luck.
My finance flat out said that he didn't care about most of the details. He wants a say in the music we dance to, the food we eat and the color of his vest and flowers. I ask his opnion on everything and we talk things over but for the most part he could care less and that is fine. For the record him and I will be paying for most of the wedding-including pictures, music and reception. Both of our parents will be giving us money as gifts to do with what we want.