the man's role in the wedding... am I insensitive?

It seems like you have a picky girl.

Your right, most guys aren't into wedding planning. But, they usually go willingly to look at reception sites or taste the food/cake.

However, you aren't around for this b/c you are away at work. It seems like you have a girl that's a tad bit ungrateful OR she's upset by the fact you work alot.

These issues seem to have little to do with planning a wedding. How is she going to feel once you leave after the honeymoon?

Her attitude is going to change from "you aren't here planning the wedding" to "why can't you fix the bathroom door or clean the garage"

You seem to be sacrificing a LOT financially and emotionally to give this girl what she wants. I admit, that's a good quality in a man.

However, if she's not grateful; she's taking you for a ride. If it's not that, perhaps she upset by your career choice and it's reflect in her attitude. Almost like she's trying to make you change by b!tching about everything all the time.

I am doing all the planning as well, and my finace lives with me! You have to work, and if you didn't there would be no wedding!!

Perhaps, you can just ask as many questions to at least show your interest. Or give some ideas, like what colors you like. Even if you can't plan, at least seem interested. I don't think you are insensitive, but if she if freakin b/c you are at sea for 7 months, and can't be there to plan a wedding what is going to happen when life throws other issues at you...like house hunting, babies, hopefully she will become more understanding by then.

Well my husband planned our wedding extensively - he came up with some really great ideas for it, he's a pastry chef so he even made our 5 tier wedding cake. He did a lot more then me and he made all the calls for everything and so forth. The point is, he wanted to be involved.

I feel sorry for any woman who's marrying a man "who doesn't care about the wedding or reception." How sad!

Well. the love of my life is a sailor. he had very little to say in how i planned our wedding. he just wanted to show up. i asked him to choose the date. i chose everything else. As for your fiancee saying your insensitive... im with both of you on this..We (brides) like to know what our men want and don't want. we want them to have a say in what is happening. it's a BIG under taking to plan a wedding, even if it's a backyard shindig. My advice as a military wife... give her some ideas about what you might like ie venue,. colors, honeymoon destination, cost, budget, guest list, and then compromise. It's not a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to her.

I paid for half of our wedding which was just under $700.00. So I can sympathize on the money issues.

Just be open to suggestion, and tell what you want, and go from there. I wish you much joy... and good luck.

My finance flat out said that he didn't care about most of the details. He wants a say in the music we dance to, the food we eat and the color of his vest and flowers. I ask his opnion on everything and we talk things over but for the most part he could care less and that is fine. For the record him and I will be paying for most of the wedding-including pictures, music and reception. Both of our parents will be giving us money as gifts to do with what we want.

What is your name ?( are you my finacee .... lol

Now for real My finacee has the exact same story and is working offshore commercial diver. only he got out of the church wedding by total luck.

and I am the bride to be. and have the same story as your finace.

I don't think you are insensative ,because guys do not care about this type of stuff. Planning a wedding is SO FRIKING STRESSFUL especially when trying to do it all alone i can't began to tell you how many tears i have cried already.

She is just trying to show you what she is proud of and wants you to be equally as excited. And when your not it breaks her heart. Just try to understand where she is coming from. And try to see things through her eyes.

If the two of you made an agreement that she plans and you pay then she should stop complaining and be grateful that you are paying. If my spouse would have to go back to sea earlier to pay for it I would tell him "No way" I'll find a way to pay for it. If I couldn't afford what I wanted I would downsize. I just got married in Morocco and had to leave my husband there while we wait on approval of his VISA. I would give anything to have him here with me.

Most brides don't want any help because they want the wedding their way. If she is asking for simple things then pick one or two to help with. If she is asking for more than that, remind her of your agreement. Congratulations and best of luck.

You guys have bigger problems than who plans or pays for what. Your wife to be is high maintenance, meaning she requires alot of your time. There's nothing wrong with this, but it's kind of hard to do while you're at sea. You guys need to postpone things and see if you can both deal with being apart so much. Not everyone can live with an absent partner, I know I couldn't. I'm also high maintenance.

Planning a wedding is a huge job. Think about it, there are some people who do it professionally. Your fiance is stressed and she is sharing with you. If this is her style, it will happen often during your lives together. Better figure out how you will deal with it now rather than later.

I think you sound wonderful and we women don't usually want your input anyway as we know what we want from day one but have you thought that the real issue is that you aren't around much ?, and if you marry and have kids will she be mad you aren't around then? In my eyes if she cant accept this she needs to say now or she will punish you forever.