I see many wonderful responses to adoptees, but I see many more that negate your experiences. Today (like any other day) I saw (yet another) response that said basically, "thanks for explaining that from the adoptee's perspective without complaining". Those last two words just negate the whole rest of the sentence for me. Thanks but no thanks, basically. I wonder if the "ten negative responses for every positive response" that we seem to see here, makes you forget about that one positive response that gets lost in the crowd? Or if the whole positive message gets lost in the "but" that gets thrown in at the end? That's how I'd feel anyway.
I hear you. Just want you to know that.
2008-03-15T13:46:46Z
...and I know I'm not the only one who hears you, either. I don't mean for this question to offend anyone.
2008-03-15T13:57:44Z
Ok, Fazizzle and tlk, do YOU feel heard? I'm asking all adoptees, regardless of your experience. When you share your experiences here on Y!A, do you feel heard?
2008-03-15T21:04:06Z
Kristy, I think a better question would be why AREN'T YOU trying to gain the respect of adoptees? After all, you're raising one.
Snow Flake2008-03-15T15:31:51Z
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Gaia, you're so right. That backhanded form of a thank you is almost as bad as the out and out hostility. It's kind of like an insult (or a reprimand) to other adoptees reading it, as if to say their answers were rude and not as valid. Like the person is saying, "See how nice little Susie plays with us. Why can't you all play nice like she does?" Barf.
I get the feeling that a lot of people on here think we're still kids. We may have been adopted as babies, people, but I assure you, we are not children! I had one woman answer my question one time, saying "We all need to be respectful, and the same goes for you, too, My Dear." I felt like my Mom was talking to me.
On second thought, my Mom gives me a lot more respect than some of the people in here, she would never talk down to me like that. Unlike those people and some others that are even more nasty (ahem..red spandex, cough, cough) my Mom is a real class act...In fact, both my Mom's are. And so are you, Gaia, thanks for the question.
As an adopted woman who graduated more than a decade ago, (just offering that for tlk, as that seems to be relevant to something?)
I don't really expect to be heard here, the mythology surrounding adoption is steeped and murky, strangely it is only in very recent times it has been seen as a positive thing, the older myths, Oedipus a shining example are all tragedies.
But I am digressing, most people who read adoptees will dismiss them out of hand out of their own self-protection, the thing is though, once they have heard these stories, they will not forget them entirely, and my hope is down the road, if someone in their own life is adopted expresses hurt, or confusion, or curiosity, it is then they will remember these stories and not dismiss their irl friend, child, sibling, with some of the many cruel and dismissive things that have been said to most of us throughout our lives, "you were chosen" as anyone with half a brain knows we weren't, "you should be glad not to be an abortion" subtext, "you don't even deserve to be alive, much less have an opinion about anything" I am well into adult hood, being heard or not heard by strangers on Y! A isn't going to change my experience much.
Hopefully, it will have a positive impact on younger adoptees and help dispell some of the b.s. younger adoptees have to go through.
I'm an adoptee. Talk and talk and talk as I do, I don't think anyone can understand what it is like unless you've lived it....same with bparents, same with aparents. This is an issue that you feel (or don't) in your bones--and that is just the way it is. However, that doesn't mean we can't TRY to be heard, TRY to make our thoughts/feelings understood.
You know what.... You are right. Too many "buts" in answers here. I hear you...
Not that I answer very much here, but if I do I'm going to answer in a better way which acknowledges what you are asking or what you are saying without the "buts".
I think it's just human nature to start talking about yourself and your experiences instead of just listening. I have been guilty of that.
One of the advantages to being an adoptee is that we're used to feeling grateful for any small crumb! ;-P So, yes, when I can see that one or two people learn something new that helps them make more educated decisions with regard to adoption, that makes me feel that adoptees are being "heard."
In particular, I have appreciated reading your responses, where you explain in detail how your understanding has grown from being in this forum.
Do I think that the majority of people here change their minds and their behaviors based on what adoptees say? No, but that's life. Most people here sound like kids, to be honest, so I don't think they're really interested in being educated anyway.