How Would an Adoptee Feel to Hear This?

Well, this adoptee feels sick.

I truly hope it isn't the typical attitude, but I can't say I haven't encountered it before. I've seen it called "Birth mama drama" and any number of nasty things.

A child's heritage and identity are not an inconvenience to be ignored. They belong to the child. Pretending otherwise is asking for trouble and heartache.

Do they think first mothers are vending machines?!

I am an adoptee and I am 44. I had two brothers who were also adopted. They would say things like I am going to find my real parents and get the heck out of here. I personally never felt like that. The couple that raised me were my real parents. My mom died when I was 19. When I was in my late 30's I asked my dad if he would mind if I looked into who my "biological" parents were because I started having some health issues and I had 2 children who needed to be aware of the health issues they could be facing. My "adopters" as you put it, were my "real" parents. They made me who I am today. I am a decorated veteran from Greneda and Desert Storm. I have raised 2 children on my own and I may have had some problems when I was growing up but I passed down some good values to my children and I am proud of that.

No, in my experience in talking with many adoptive parents, that is not the typical attitude, although, of course there are some people who have it. Besides, this person's facts are wrong. It is definitely NOT cheaper to adopt internationally when it includes international travel and U.S. immigration filing fees. It's not typically much faster either, although the time frame is usually more predictable in international adoption. I can see how it sounds in this excerpt that "safe" means not having to deal with natural parents, and this person may indeed have meant that. But, it can be thought of in a different way. I think you would agree that there are problems with matching adoptive parents with babies that aren't even born yet, whose mothers haven't relinquished yet. It creates an environment where adoptive parents can be coersive, even if they don't want to be. International adoption at least does not do that, not that there are no problems with international adoption. Anyway, I myself would be uncomfortable having a relationship with my potential child's natural mother before relinquishment, and I could never "market" myself to potential birthmothers, which I didn't. But I WAS very happy to find an international adoption program that offered semi-open adoptions (it is one of the main reasons we chose it) and I am happy to be in communication with my daughter's natural mother now.

As an observed woman who graduated greater beneficial than a decade in the past, (merely offering that for tlk, as that looks appropriate to something?) i do no longer in all probability assume to be heard here, the mythology surrounding adoption is steeped and murky, surprisingly it is merely in very modern-day circumstances that's been seen as a good factor, the older myths, Oedipus a shining occasion are all tragedies. yet i'm digressing, maximum people who study adoptees will brush aside them out of hand out of their very own self-risk-free practices, the factor is nonetheless, whilst they have heard those thoughts, they gained't forget them completely, and my wish is down the line, if somebody of their very own existence is observed expresses injury, or confusion, or interest, it is then they are going to bear in mind those thoughts and not brush aside their irl buddy, baby, sibling, with the various many merciless and dismissive issues that have been stated to maximum individuals throughout the time of our lives, "you have been chosen" as anybody with a million/2 a ideas is conscious we weren't, "you're able to desire to be happy to no longer be an abortion" subtext, "you do no longer even should be alive, much less have an opinion approximately something" i'm nicely into person hood, being heard or no longer heard with the help of strangers on Y! A won't substitute my experience plenty. with a bit of luck, it could have a good effect on youthful adoptees and help dispell the various b.s. youthful adoptees could desire to bypass by using.

People like that give me chills down my spine. I'm waiting to adopt domestically with an open adoption, so my child can have a healthy upbringing and know where they came from, and I'll be able to make sure the birthmom isn't coerced and has appropriate counselling.

All the other potential adoptive parents I know feel the same way as me.

What a shame for someone to actually be bothered by their adopted child wanting to know their roots!!!! Everyone deserves to know where they came from. And besides, that is a chance that you take when you adopt a child. You should expect it!!! If I were told this, I would rightly be angry that the person saying it is so very narrow minded. Then I would try my best to educate them on their incorrect attitude.

What makes me feel sick (as an adoptee) is the blatant disregard these adoptive parents are showing to "their" child! What about the rights of that child to trace their ancestry later in life?

Being a re-united adoptee I cannot imagine what it would be like to still not know my birthparent - I see SO MUCH of myself, so many previously unexplained personality traits, so many physical similarities, SO MUCH of who I am reflected in them.

Without having met them I would have SO MANY questions which my adoptive parent could not answer. What about the RIGHTS OF THE CHILD??

How would I (as an adoptee) feel? I would like to take their adopted child's natural mother and shove her up the adopter's a**. Better yet, the entire natural family.

As an adoptee, this comment is extremely offensive to me. I sincerely hope that this is not the typical attitude of adopters. It certainly was not my aparents' attitude. I could say so much more, but will stick with answering just your question.

The joke is going to be on them when "their" child goes looking when they're older and runs into a big brick wall only to find that Mommy and Daddy did it one purpose to avoid any "birth mama drama".

Or better yet, when the adoptee finds their bio families anyway. They do keep records internationally, you know. it's not like they don't have computers overseas. Or pencils and papers. Many international adoptees DO find their first families and form very close ties. It happens a lot.

it sounds like that particular poster is kidding themselves. Good luck with that.