Hi all, I have always wondered what the thoughts/feelings of a First mom and her baby are while in the womb.
Of course I've never carried a baby growing inside me but I just seem to think that there must be this amazing bond Between Mother and Child...
As the First Mom prepares for the day of birth and Relinquishment, do you think that the Baby senses that there will be a Separation?
What about the Thoughts of the First Mom, There must be some extremely sensitive thoughts filling their minds..What do you think?
Thank you for your thoughts and Comments!
2008-10-25T05:29:17Z
My thought is this... I hold a special place in my heart for my First mom even though she does not want reunion at this time...My Initial anger has waned and I feel that the Mother/Son bond is still there hoping to meet my First mom...I sense that there is a "Spiritual Bond" in all of thjis somehow.
Stinky Pete2008-10-25T17:59:26Z
Favorite Answer
The day before I went into labor I met with an agency worker for the first and only time. I went home and ended up knelling in the shower hysterically crying and saying the Hail Mary over and over. After each Hail Mary I would say "Please God don't let this happen" I don't know how long I did this but the water was cold and my skin was like Ice when I finally snapped out of it. That was when I knew I could never let my baby go. Long story short, they got her anyway. I don't think there is anyway my baby didn't know and feel that torment. My poor poor baby could feel and hear it all.
My mother has never talked about where she lived when she was pregnant with me. I know from the other people involved who have talked about it that she lived in a home run by the agency. I guess I've actually always known that. They no longer keep the girls there, but during my childhood, I visited many times when the girls were still housed there. I never saw them. They were kept completely out of the public eye. I know that her parents had to pay for her to live there, and I know she was required to do 'chores' while she was there. The agency was not Catholic, but the hospital where all the girls were sent to deliver was a private Catholic hospital. The only part of this my mother has ever spoken about is the labor and delivery--especially the episiotomy. She said it was so horrible that she never wanted to have children again, and she didn't.
Well, as my bio mom never intended to give us(my twin bro and i) up for adoption, i cant really say if while i was in the womb, i felt some sort of separation coming. My bio mom tried for 8 months to care for me and my brother. Finally, we were given to my bio fathers sister to raise and that was that. She couldn't handle it, plain and simple, as sad as it may be. I think a child is very aware something is up. Despite everything, i believe there is bond, right from conception, between mother and child. That bod goes deep, no matter how buried it is.
I can see you have thought about this a lot which is really cool.
Many people don't like the idea that a baby enters the world already experiencing emotions; they are not a blank slate. If you are into reading books, I would suggest "Secret life of the unborn child" by Dr Thomas Verny, it is not about adoption - just the bond of which you speak.
Speaking as a mother (as that is what I am regardless of all the labels others want to affix to me), I went into premature labour due to the extreme duress I was under whilst carrying my daughter. My pregnancy was perfect and there was no medical reason for my waters to break when I was but 34 weeks pregnant except I was stressing out so much about the fact there were people daily asking for my baby that my body could no longer handle it. This has since been diagnosed by various medical staff as well as mental health professionals (so stick that in your pipe and smoke it randy b who does not believe in duress and coercion!)
For me, as I was not the person who made the 'decision' to surrender my child, I held my daughter, breastfed her and cared for her during the first three weeks while I tried to get away from the monsters after my child. I cried over her, sang to her and told her how much I loved her. When she was born, they told me she might not make it through the night. They told me not to expect her to open her eyes. Within seconds of hearing my voice after she had been taken from me at birth to hook her up to those machines, she used whatever energy she had to open those beautiful eyes and looked at me. From that moment, as I sat and spoke to her and told her I was there for her, she regained strength and got better. The nurses caring for her told my mother they were disgusted that people were trying to take my baby as they said I was the most connected mother they had seen. Losing her broke my heart. It has been only rebuilt in parts by the subsequent births of my other two also well loved children (obviously kept!).
Mothers do not give away their children willy nilly regardless of what others choose to believe. I am sorry your mother does not want a reunion at this time. Maybe she just suffered so much and does not want to revisit that time in her life. Only she can answer that. But I am sure deep down, there is a special place for you too...