The First Mom & Adoptee in the Womb...?

The day before I went into labor I met with an agency worker for the first and only time. I went home and ended up knelling in the shower hysterically crying and saying the Hail Mary over and over. After each Hail Mary I would say "Please God don't let this happen" I don't know how long I did this but the water was cold and my skin was like Ice when I finally snapped out of it. That was when I knew I could never let my baby go. Long story short, they got her anyway. I don't think there is anyway my baby didn't know and feel that torment. My poor poor baby could feel and hear it all.

My mother has never talked about where she lived when she was pregnant with me. I know from the other people involved who have talked about it that she lived in a home run by the agency. I guess I've actually always known that. They no longer keep the girls there, but during my childhood, I visited many times when the girls were still housed there. I never saw them. They were kept completely out of the public eye. I know that her parents had to pay for her to live there, and I know she was required to do 'chores' while she was there. The agency was not Catholic, but the hospital where all the girls were sent to deliver was a private Catholic hospital. The only part of this my mother has ever spoken about is the labor and delivery--especially the episiotomy. She said it was so horrible that she never wanted to have children again, and she didn't.

Wow, yes a baby has an awareness and feelings that are too easily dismissed. I would recommend a book entitled 'The Secret Life of the Unborn Child'

As a mother of three I can confirm there IS an amazing bond between a mother and the child she is carrying.

I really hope your Mom comes out of the stigma and shame of yesteryear and can embrace the present day, without secrets, guilt or shame.

Hugs

Well, as my bio mom never intended to give us(my twin bro and i) up for adoption, i cant really say if while i was in the womb, i felt some sort of separation coming. My bio mom tried for 8 months to care for me and my brother. Finally, we were given to my bio fathers sister to raise and that was that. She couldn't handle it, plain and simple, as sad as it may be.

I think a child is very aware something is up. Despite everything, i believe there is bond, right from conception, between mother and child. That bod goes deep, no matter how buried it is.

Hi there,

I can see you have thought about this a lot which is really cool.

Many people don't like the idea that a baby enters the world already experiencing emotions; they are not a blank slate. If you are into reading books, I would suggest "Secret life of the unborn child" by Dr Thomas Verny, it is not about adoption - just the bond of which you speak.

Speaking as a mother (as that is what I am regardless of all the labels others want to affix to me), I went into premature labour due to the extreme duress I was under whilst carrying my daughter. My pregnancy was perfect and there was no medical reason for my waters to break when I was but 34 weeks pregnant except I was stressing out so much about the fact there were people daily asking for my baby that my body could no longer handle it. This has since been diagnosed by various medical staff as well as mental health professionals (so stick that in your pipe and smoke it randy b who does not believe in duress and coercion!)

For me, as I was not the person who made the 'decision' to surrender my child, I held my daughter, breastfed her and cared for her during the first three weeks while I tried to get away from the monsters after my child. I cried over her, sang to her and told her how much I loved her. When she was born, they told me she might not make it through the night. They told me not to expect her to open her eyes. Within seconds of hearing my voice after she had been taken from me at birth to hook her up to those machines, she used whatever energy she had to open those beautiful eyes and looked at me. From that moment, as I sat and spoke to her and told her I was there for her, she regained strength and got better. The nurses caring for her told my mother they were disgusted that people were trying to take my baby as they said I was the most connected mother they had seen. Losing her broke my heart. It has been only rebuilt in parts by the subsequent births of my other two also well loved children (obviously kept!).

Mothers do not give away their children willy nilly regardless of what others choose to believe. I am sorry your mother does not want a reunion at this time. Maybe she just suffered so much and does not want to revisit that time in her life. Only she can answer that. But I am sure deep down, there is a special place for you too...

Myst xx

I have 9 children and I started a relationship with them in the womb. I talked to them and sung to them and as soon as they were born, I breastfed them. Now I am in a position that I might need to adopt out my three youngest. It makes me sad because I love them all so much, but I truly believe that I will still be a part of them and that our lives will be intertwined no matter what.

I think there is most definitely a bond between mother and child. I also believe what ever emotions a mother is feeling the baby senses. Like crying, sadness, depression, fear, laughter, joy, etc...

As far as my particular situation, I was pretty optimistic, I was happy most of the time even though I was living a nightmare. I played my favorite music for her, I talked to her, I called her by the name I never gave her, (which she uses today) I promised we would meet again.

I believe the mother son bond is there with you also. It may just be hard for her to throw out all the crap that was drilled into her head by an agency, lawyer, case worker, SOCIETY, and just make a go of the relationship she can have with you from here on out.

It is not easy to let go of all those feelings. Years have taken their toll on her and she would have to dig really deep and relive most of that all over again to get to a place where she can allow herself to go against the grain and accept what she most definitely deserves, a relationship with her son.

Just an uneducated guess but I am willing to bet she feels unworthy of you. Most of us did. It is what we were told.

I had no thoughts of separation - it was forced on me. My only thoughts were of motherhood, loving, caring for, and raising my baby.

I absolutely feel a "spiritual bond" with my son. This bond began at conception and continues to this day.

Does the baby fear a separation may be imminent? Interesting question...I think the stress of other people talking about a separation (which is completely against the law of nature) can be felt by the baby.

I have only been pregnant once for a short time, and I've never surrendered a child, so I can't speak from experience. But my bff is pregnant for the second time. I recently visited her, and as usual, our conversation lingered on adoption for quite awhile. Baby started doing jumps and kicks the likes of which I've only seen in karate class. She said he'd never moved like that before. A few days later, we talked on the phone again about adoption. He did the same thing. He only does that when we talk adoption.

Hmmmmmmmm...

i do believe the baby senses the tension. i wrote my first mother a letter about that several years ago.

we haven't spoken since.