At 16 I was forced into an arranged marriage. I ran away to another country because the person I married & his family use to beat me up whenever I disobeyed him. He knew before the marriage that I did not like him, this only made him mad. He told me that I made him look like he was not a man, but how can a child be responsible for making him into a man?
He forced himself on my sexually, I left him & the child I felt I was forced to have & I could not love either of them. I found out he died a week ago & I just feel happy about it, but sad that I had to hide most of my life and never marry or have kids because of this experience. I also feel bad because the child raised by him to think that I was mentally ill. I still do not feel motherly toward the child. I want every ones view, even those that think I am the worst person in the world. Btw, I tried a few times to at least let the child know that it was not their fault, but there was a lot of drama and I wish to not have anything to do with the family ever.
I know it is wrong to hate, but I had deep hatred and contempt for him and his entire family - so much that my chest hurts just thinking about how I was treated - I also resent my family for doing this to me and not in touch with them at all. I punished myself for feeling this way, but I think its been long enough.
2008-11-09T11:52:53Z
There are so many good comments and answers here that I wish I could give more than 1 answer 10 points. I have been in therapy for over 20 years . His death bring me some more closure. I will never have a relationship with the child, letting the(adult) child know my leaving was not their fault is all I could offer. Thanks again all.
Ethan23902008-11-09T09:07:22Z
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hello Bonnie. I read your question and felt so enraged by it. you sound so guilty and you my girl are not. You are not a bad person in fact you are a very nice person to have guilty feelings about things you had no control over, but you do need some form of help pet you need to seek some form of professional aid to help you overcome your feeling of guilt and worthlessness. I can understand your feelings of hatred and contempt I think i would feel the same way especially if my family had treated me in that manner. but you are right it has been long enough
Its terrible that you had to deal with this trauma at such a young age but this is what happens in many countries and it is not your fault. Some people are still cavemen and have backwards thinking. I know, my relatives are somewhat the same way. But you have to remember that this is not your fault and no one blames you for hating them. Its so easy to hate someone who wronged you and its easier to hate anything and everything associated with that person[like your child] But I think you really need to stop wasting so much energy hating him. Really, can't you see this hate is affecting your life. You say your not married and have no children, well maybe if you can let go of your hatred and move on you can have all of those things, you can have a good life. You should really consider speaking with a therapist because its hard to deal with these feelings and maybe talking to someone about it can ease your pain and eventually you can forget all about what happened, or at least get over it, and move on with your life. You should consider speaking with your child because it will help to heal your wounded heart but only see your baby when you are ready, preferably after speaking with a psychiatrist.
Hope it all turns out for the best.
&& remember this is not your fault, and the way you feel is natural after having undergone such a terrible experience.
Everyone that answered your question is supportive and you should stop blaming yourself for this terrible event that happened in your past.
His dying does bring you some closure because you no longer have to fear him. Unfortunately, a lot of women do not bond with their children, but society tends to think this is wrong. I would rather you abandon the child to the father and family, then mistreat the child or even as some women have done kill the child.
You should now concentrate on trying to live your life
Victoria, I am sorry to hear that there is a bit of disrespect in your house---but a 33 year old will never move out if mom is dottering and spoiling him---why should he go?? trouble is he will never learn how to peacefully co-exist with a woman on a mature level...what a shame. You are also witnessing a bit of crude disrespectful behavior that comes from being family and living together all these years. To an outsider this all sounds terrible--to you and your brother it is just day to day living. So say no if you have to--he won't explode or turn blue. Relax, be cool, be nice, and good luck-----SMILE
Well, you where put Thur things non imangble. So you where still a child and guessing still. You won't have love to the child sense you where forced. And you may be excited because you probally feel like you have a clean slate. So just try to forget the past and move on.