Why does my Iranian sister-in-law hate me?

I am an American woman married to a French man living in France. He has three brothers one of whom is married to an Iranian woman. The history is that I have known this family since I was eight-years-old and they were all living in the U.S. where we went to school together. They moved back after high-school and I came and spent a summer as a summer babysitter in the south of France. I hung out with the brother she is now married to, and we did fool around a bit but it was nothing serious and I frankly forgot all about it. Years later, I moved back to France and got involved with another brother who is now my husband and father to my beautiful daughter. We are a happy family and the best part is that I adore my father and mother-in-law and brothers-in-law too since we have all known each other for so long. She has hated me since the beginning!

She says today (after seven long years of being rude and barely acknowledging my existence and making everyone's lives miserable if she has to see me) that the reason is cultural and that none of us (meaning the whole family) could ever understand her reasons for hating me.
If you are Iranian, please take a moment and let me know if you think you could help me understand why she hates me so much and is so unwilling to ever give me a chance. In the seven years I have been with my husband, we haven't ever had a real conversation, and now she treats my daughter with total indifference as if she is horrible too.
I was so excited to marry a French family and have an Iranian sister-in-law. I have had other Iranian friends over the years who were fantastic. Also, I am not a typical American and have friends from all over the world. For me, the more different someone is, the more interested I am to get to know them and their culture and ways of thinking. It allows me to constantly expand my thoughts and views about the world.
I would like to find a way to understand her point of view and since she will not explain it to me (she said she wouldn't bother since it couldn't be changed), would someone please kindly tell me why???

?2009-06-16T10:16:29Z

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First. The sister-in-law is jealous of you. That's obvious. She probably knows about the past of you and her husband. And she's Iranian. that means that she hates all Americans anyway. In the eyes of most countries, all Americans are typical Americans. You cannot understand her point of view. She wouldn't want you to. As long as your husband knows how she is towards you, you shouldn't try to amend with her. Anything you try will be twisted and used against you. Your husband and his family know you and love you, all this other heartache is something that you have to bear. Or start a war. And A war withing a close knit family is not a good thing at all. Good Luck anyway.

Anonymous2009-06-16T10:27:51Z

if she thinks it has something to do with her being iranian and the whole family not being able to understand i will hazard a guess and i could be wrong. Does her family hate Iran, did they flee after the revolution in 1979? I've met cubans who hate castro and cuba because thier grandfather left there. So while they are iranians they may very well have been westernized and hate Iran themselves. she could be the odd one out. maybe she has many iranian or muslim friends, where she got it from not from the familys ideals.

that being said do you hate iran, do you disagree with them? sure you like iranian people just not what they're doing in thier own country as if you imagine them to all be slaves of ahmenijead. i assure you there are conservative iranians who agree with iran and the ayatollah and they go along willingly. So are you like the cuban who left cuba and has nothing but bad things to say about it now? If you go around and find expatriated americans living god knows where, chances are they got nothing nice to say about america or george bush. It's the only thing i can think of and i'm not iranian.

long story short, do you and the rest of the family dislike ahmenijead, do you support revolution in Iran. you think they should rise up and turn iran into a western style country. sure you like to meet people but do you respect thier culture or do you want to change thier culture in some misguided effort to help them?

ooxsukkioox2009-06-16T10:16:07Z

I'm not Iranian, but I have worked with Iranians and had Iranian friends. Her hatred is not cultural its just the fact that you had a thing with her now husband and maybe he still has a thing for you. And that is her reason for hating you so much. Some of the Iranian co-workers that I had (women) were had to get along with, but after a little while they were really cool. But your sister-in-law has had a lot of time. I think that her husband may still have feeling for you and she may feel threaten.

?2016-05-28T16:39:14Z

yes their government are quite close friends if iranian regime does not threat israel never can find excuse to expand it's tiny territory on palestinian soil , look see why there has never been peace even for a month between palestinian and israelis.they are many jewish people in iran as well iranian jew in israel,since the beginning they were closest friends just go through history.israelis built a lot of infrastructures in iran as well Shah of Iran supported them back with oil

Anonymous2009-06-16T10:12:04Z

She's probably just uncomfortable that you've been with her husband. A little insecurity. The 'cultural' thing is just a way of deflecting from the truth.

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