HELP!! Is this normal for a daughter to do this to her mom?
I am a single mom of a 21 yr old son & a 19 yr old daughter. I have the been the best mom I could be & looking back I probably did too much for my kids. Anyways my daughter & I had a fight back in Feb. because she wouldn't sweep the garage. Yes this is it. Though her additude was bad about a month befor hand. And I basically was just ignoring it hoping it would pass. Well I ended up telling her if she couldn't sweep & change her additude she could get out. Well she got out that night. She moved in w/her boyfriends mom(he's in the navey). I tried several times to talk to her, left her messages, e-mailed her etc to try & settle things w/her but she wouldn't respond. I didn't recieve anything for mother's day & I saw her driving & she didn't even wave to me on mothers day. I have never been so hurt. Then I find out that shes doing alot of drinking & the boyfriends mom is buying it for her. So then this has me worried also. My mom decided to call the other mom & try & talk to her about what what going on & come to find out my daughter told her I was abusing her bla bla bla all these lies & this mom believed her. (Keep in mind I have knowen this lady for 2yrs & always gotton a long w/her) well my mom & her ended up getting into it(Because of course my mom stuck up for me) And then the mom called my daughter @ work & told her a whole bunch of lies that my mom sabosably said. It is just a complete mess. I recieved a e-mail from my daughter telling me to stay out of her life that she wants nothing to do w/me or my family & if we don't leave her a lone she will take out a restraining order out on us. It's July & I haven't botherd her by phone calls or anything since the end of Feb. And then I get that e-mail. My family is so very hurt because we are a very close family & we just can't figure it out. Well on July 3rd she moved to Cali & no good bye or anything.
I'm so confused & hurt. I actually feel like I have griefed a loss of one of my kids. She's gone & I have no clue what any one has done. I never dreamed one of my kids would do this. We were close & talked about everything. And now nothing shes gone I didn't get to see her graduate high school or anything.
Has anyone gone thru this? Do I just let it be? Gee for how long? Until she contacts me? What if she doesn't & something happenes to one of us? I'm so very hurt & just don't know what to do. Please give me some advice. My god it's been 5 months. I can honestly say "I don't know what the hell I did to deserve it!!"
Thank you
strongsister2009-07-05T10:51:51Z
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All of this sounds so dramatic that I'm wondering if she is using drugs. Maybe her boyfriend's mother was letting them get away with a heck of a lot more than just drinking. But let's address the way life is now for you, because it has been 5 months and nothing can change that. I hate when I see people write, 'Well she is an adult...' You are going through Immense grief, and you have done what you can. There is no yes or no answer to whether your daughter is coming back or not. So I think, until you spend the rest of your days agonizing about this horrible situation, you need some help of your own. Yahoo Answers has its place, but you need a Professional to help you. I can't say that there will be a fairy-tale outcome, but I can say that all you are in control of right now is moving forward, and having someone listen to your grief, and guide you. You need an intelligent forum to vent. You need someone who is on your side, and can help you put back some of the pieces of your life. I'm NOT saying forget about your daughter! I'm saying to get yourself to your mental optimum and then go from there. It is like a death as you so aptly put. But she is out there, and there is still hope. Be well.
Well first of all look at what you too got into a fight about, Sweeping a garage? She gave you attitude about sweeping? and you told her to get out and thats exactally what she did. You have to understand she's a teenager and all teenage girls have attitude problems. If she was still living at her boyfriends mothers house you could have called the cops on her because she's buying alcohol for a minor and the mother can go to jail for that. And if she is still a minor call California and let them know that she's a run away they'll pick her up and you either come and get her or they'll bring her to you. If she's already turned 18 then your out of luck, cause she's considered an adult she can now do what ever she wants, and I'd suggest showing up in cali, with a u-haul truck knock on her door pack her **** up and take her home, or try calling her and trying to work things out let her know how hurt you and your family is, by her actions and that you miss her. Good luck, and if things dont work out now, they will later, teenagers and young adults are stubborn and she'll come to her sense's eventually if you cant get thru to her.
I can feel your pain. My son, age 25 now. . . left July of 2008. He was angry because I told him while he was in college to get a full time job and $200 a month for rent and food. He got angry and when I came home from work one day, he had moved out and I haven't heard from him to this day. He's been in contact with my daughter and he's in the immediate area. I reached out to him on the advice of my daughter in March. Well, he's still not speaking to me. I'm a single mom and I, too have spoiled him. I'm still paying a $12,000 loan for his first year in college. The best thing you can do is pray that your daughter's alright. Believe me, it's not you. Hopefully, she'll eventually contact you. With some children, it doesn't matter what you say or what you do, it still won't be enough. Maybe since they're so ungrateful, they would have done better living in poverty. Good Luck!
I'm so sorry to read that. I think this same thing happened between one of my cousins and her parents. She made up lies about them, moved in with her boyfriend, and eventually they all moved to California. She got into drugs, had a baby (who was messed up from his mom doing drugs), BUT, I don't say all this to scare you. My cousin is not exactly leading the life we all would've wanted for her. But, she is now in contact with her parents and has been for years. She wants to move back home after her 2 kids are grown (CA law doesn't allow one parent to leave the state with the kids from what I've been told). Now, I don't know how that part of the family got to where they are now, but I can only imagine that a lot of patience and communication had to be involved. Can your son talk to her at all? I know that's putting a lot on his shoulders, but she might listen to her big brother. Whatever you do, don't put down the people she's with now. It will only make her feel closer to them (ie. the boyfriend's mom). Personally, I would write a very carefully worded letter from the whole family telling her that I don't know where it all went wrong, but that you're sorry and you hope she can forgive you for whatever it is that's been bothering her. I wouldn't even mention the abuse allegations because it's really no use and you don't know if that guy's mom was lying about that or not. You know it's not true and so does she. If you accuse her of lying and such, you're only pushing her away. Now, down the road, if it's still bothering you that she said that, let's say you all are back to normal and the past is behind you, I might tell her what that guy's mom said and ask her where she thinks she got that from - not in an accusing way. Just like... man, that lady was nutty! (This is after she breaks up with said boyfriend...)
To get the letter going to her, I'd type it out in Word first to get it just the way I wanted it, and then hand write it. I would send it so that someone has to sign for it and make sure you get the signature card back. The US Postal Service can do this. And, when you write this letter, don't discount your own feelings. Tell her what you've said in this post. Tell her how you feel like you're grieving the loss of a child. Ask her to put herself in your shoes. And then end it with how much you love and miss her and you just want to work it all out, no matter what the cost. Good luck with this!
Your daughter is a lying sociopath and will get in touch with you when she wants something, and she'll make it seem like she's doing you a favour.
I am sorry for your loss, I truly am. But it's those we love who abuse us the way your daugher has abused you (through lies) who can do us the most harm.