Am I just weird for feeling this way?

I don't collect child support for my oldest child. I did at one point in time because my husband and I needed a little state help to get us into this aparment and out of his folks house.(the way the program worked was they would pay our down payment/first months rent and we would pay them back over 6 months) And the worker had told me that I needed to file for child support, I had to keep it for about a year, went to the court dates and everything like that, my ex made 3 payments. I hated getting them. To me it felt like the man I married couldn't support me and my child. After the year was over, I didn't apply for it again. And told my ex that I didn't want child suport from him, but I did expect him to help me with our son. Because my ex lives so far away and can't see Zeke every weekend, we agreed Brian (my ex) would come down to Kentucky and bring Zeke back to Minnesota for the summer. I wouldn't pay for it. It would all be on his dad. Well, my family lives up north as well, so in the summer time I would make my yearly trip to see my mom and old friends. I paid for all the gas and everything like that. This past summer was the first I didn't go, I had my youngest son to late into the summer time and by the time I would feel him ready to travel, I'd have a week up north. Didn't feel worth it.
So after school got out, I called Brian and told him to school was out and if he wanted Zeke to come and get him. He came got him and headed back. About a month later he emails me and asks me to help pay for gas for Zeke to get back home. If I don't pay the money, Brian wont have the money for gas to come down, meaning my son would be stuck up north. I sent the money and my son is back home now, thank god. Brian and his mother had done some school clothes shopping while he was up north. But later I found out the only reason they had done that, is because when they left they had forgotten his suit case and he didn't have any clothes but what he left in.
But I don't know what I should do. My mom says that I should collect child supprt and I should make Brian pay for alot more things in Zeke's life. But my husband can support us, my husband can take care of me and Zeke and our 3 other kids.

Should I collect child support. What would you do if you were in my shoes.

2009-08-26T22:58:05Z

I think I need to add just one more thing. He's 24, without his ged, without a job and living with his parents.

and I wasn't attacking him for getting school clothes, it's the other way around. After they got back here, Brian yelled at me for Zeke forgetting his suitcase and having to buy school clothes for him.

Gothic Bug2009-08-26T23:01:42Z

Favorite Answer

If Brian can pay then he should, unless you feel it's going to be a financial burden on Brian then don't.
I don't think he deserves to be attacked for buying your son school clothes because your son forgot them.
But him charging you gas money to send him home is ridiculous.
But I'm guessing Brian isn't as well off as you.

Brittyboo2009-08-27T05:57:47Z

You getting child support from Brian is not you sending out the message that your husband cant support your family. All it means it that Brian is taking care of Zeke as he should be. Thats HIS son so regardless of whoever else is there to help he should WANT to help provide for the son he made. Brian should pay because not only is he morally responsible but hes LEGALLY responsible to do so. and unless or until he gives his rights away as a parent he should provide for Zeke. It doesnt even have to be a monthly check but he should in some way make sure Zeke has the things he needs and even wants whether its taking him school shopping for clothes or supplies or even sending him a gift certificate to toys r us or whereever so Zeke can get some things he likes. Dont feel bad for getting whats owed to, not you , but to Zeke.

Ann2009-08-27T05:58:32Z

If Brian didn't have money for gas to bring Zeke home what makes you think he can afford child support. I'd start by talking to Brian and seeing if he could afford anything. If he can you should put it away for Zekes future (college) because you say your husband can afford to take care of the 5 of you and your ex may feel more inclined to deposit more into a savings account without a court order if he knows it is going to HIS kid.