What do you think is or was the worst part about your adoption...?
from your adoptive parent's perspective? This past year has been very healing for me, as far as my adoption issues go. I know how my adoption has affected me, my children, my first parents and my n siblings, but I really think I had a rather sad breakthrough when it came to my adoptive Mom. It was extremely hard for me to admit it, but like any painful subject, you have to acknowledge it to get through it.
For me, I realized just how unfair adoption was for my ap's. They were told the typical agency crap- "If you love this baby enough, she will never want or need to know her real parents". That is a direct quote from Catholic Charities. they bought into the "blank slate theory".
It was unfair, because no matter how much my adoptive Mother loved/loves me, as a child, it wasn't good enough. I didn't want her. I wanted my first Mom. That is as raw as I get. That, to me, is probably one of the most painful things for me...that BOTH of my Mothers were lied to, and nothing was ever the same.
It makes me so sad that my Mom really believed the lies the adoption agency sold her.
So, that is what I think is the worst part for them- that even though I love them, and they love me, it just wasn't enough.
eta for Merc8dees:
Clueless as to adoption are you? Obviously.
There is NOTHING to glamorize about adoption. Why on earth would I start lying to my adoptive mother now? That would NOT be loving OR fair.She is NOT all I ever needed. That is the BIG LIE in adoption, and only adoptees know it. My a Mom knows I love her...that's not the point. My a Mom knows the difference between her adoptive kids and her bio kid. There IS a difference. She, like any educated a p knows the trauma a child faces when they are separated from their first Mother. Your answer is typical of someone who knows nothing about adoption.
eta for monkeykitty: I asked adoptees what they "THINK" was the worst part of their adoption from their ap's perspective. I wanted to know THEIR perspective on what THEY think it could be....from their perspective I did not ask them to "put words in anyone else's mouth". If you read my question, I say "I think" several times. I would never ask anyone to speak for someone else- they cannot. Sorry if I did not make myself clear.
eta4 Monkey: No, it is NOT ok for someone to answer for an adoptee, if they are not adopted.Too many adoptees are dishonest when they are kids about their true feelings about adoption with their ap's, b/c they're afraid of hurting them. I was guilty of doing that when I was a kid. I am not answering for my ap's. They have told me they believed the agency lies, just as most BSE ap's did.Again, I think this is the worst part of my adoption for them, because I live it. And because they have told me. Im not going to argue semantics with you. I did not put words into anyone's mouth, not did I ask anyone else to do so. I may have not conveyed my ? in a clear way, but I would never ask anyone to assume, or lie. Im adopted- I have enough of that in my life.