My daughter is 3 1/2 years old and not completely potty trained yet. She's wearing real panties and was doing well for a few weeks. Suddenly she's having accidents almost every day. My daycare provider has told me in the past that my daughter has thrown a fit over having to wash her hands or eat with the other kids and has sat in the bathroom and cried for half an hour. When I picked her up one day last week she was sitting in the bathroom crying and as soon as I walked in the door she said she had peed her panties. It wasn't that bad, just a little damp so I went a head and changed her and took her home. Today when I picked her up she was in the bathroom crying and was so soaked that her socks were wet. The daycare provider told me she put her in the bathroom with a pull up and told her to change herself because she wasn't going to change her. She also told me that she'd been in there for half an hour. I understand that the daycare provider has other children to care for but I just can't see letting a 3 year old cry for half an hour. For the past few months my daughter has not wanted to go there in the morning, not screaming and crying but just whining. I feel uncomfortable taking her back there - am I over reacting? The day care provider emphasizes teaching independance but is she taking it too far? Or am I being an over protective mother of one?
jayne2010-03-26T10:25:57Z
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There is a difference between teaching "Independence" and neglecting a child's needs. I don't think it is EVER appropriate to leave a child to cry for half an hour. Your child is telling you in her own way that this is the wrong program for her. If I were you I would find another provider.
The daycare provider is amazingly incorrect. A seven month old is purely too youthful for outing. you may't punish a infant who's purely too youthful to understand why she is being punished or perhaps that she is being punished interior the 1st place. I additionally think of that slightly one at that age is purely too youthful to understand the belief of being spoiled. And at seven months slightly one is purely too youthful to be left on my own for any reason and may be continuously supervised, even whilst she is taking part in quietly by ability of herself. somebody ought to nevertheless be preserving a watch on her. i think of that possibly your provider the two is purely too overwhelmed and would not have sufficient help, or possibly she lacks the endurance to handle an infant. the two way it extremely is risky to your infant. If she lacks endurance, then what's to end her from bodily harming her whilst she is annoyed by ability of spanking or shaking her? If she would not have the sufficient help, then what is going to take place whilst she is the right age to get into issues? What if she have been to stick a fork right into a easy socket and no person replaced into watching her or if she got here upon a button that fell of a shirt or a coin on the floor and placed it in her mouth? detect a clean provider as we talk. This one isn't assembly your daughter's desires, it extremely is risky and putting a infant so youthful in outing is purely cruel and unforgivable.
There is usually a diaper policy in place in the 3 year old room. As in they no longer change diapers. If that is the case with your provider then it seems reasonable that your DD is old enough to put her own PullUp on.
This isn't just about diapers though, is it? She doesn't want to play and eat with the other kids and comply with the schedule. Why is that? Is it a discipline issue? Is it a bad match with the care center? Is some need not being met? IDK... only you can answer that. I suggest an unannounced drop-in several times a week so you can see what is going on.
We show my daughter how to do things several times, step by step. Then we walk her through it, step by step. Then we stay near by while she does it alone, step by step. Then if she's being ridiculous and refuses to do something she's capable of doing, we let her pitch her fit until she decides to stop being ridiculous. She's 3 1/2 and I let her cry for long because she suddenly "forgot" how to put on pants that she missed her morning outing and had to go down for her nap. She wasn't traumatized, but when she got up for her nap she miraculously remembered how to put her pants on.
I think a 3 1/2 year old is more than capable of changing a pull up, but "teaching" independence means you TEACH. Leaving a child to cry until she figures it out is not teaching. I would speak with the DCP to find out what if anything she's done to show your daughter in the past and help her. If she's just throwing her in the deep end and that's her philosophy, I'd find a new DCP.
This is a tough call and only you can really know what the right thing to do is -- go with your mother's intuition. In some cases, I can see leaving a toddler alone to cry or tantrum (I do this with my 18-month-old -- when he tantrums over something silly, I just say "When you are finished crying, you may come over here and do this puzzle with me" or whatever, and then leave him alone, because I want to teach him that tantrums are not effective.) However, in other cases, it would be incredibly insensitive to leave a toddler alone to cry, particularly if she is feeling upset or inadequate because she had an accident. Only you can know whether the daycare provider's behavoir is appropriate or not. I would say that if your daughter is showing resistance to going to day care and is having more frequent and more serious accidents, she is telling you that this daycare arrangement is not OK for her. But only you can make this call! Good luck!