Rate my poem pls., i wanna know what you guys think?

Here i am on my bed,
as tears my face shed,
for i am lonely,
and i yearn to be happy,
and in my heart a space i carry,
for the one that i will fancy.

It is my will,
even till' that universal hourglass refills,
to look for the one,
that i will want,
for the one i will yearn,
maybe then she will learn,
i love her,
and will always be my lover.

Guys/ Girls, please tell me what you think. Constructive criticism welcomed, just throw everything at me.

DN2010-06-08T16:51:19Z

Favorite Answer

I maintain that this poem is too vague and subjective and that the technical subtleties, in the end, become tiresome and irritating. Work on the depth of your imagination and the importance of its stylistic innovations.