my girlfriends mother wants to have her wedding the same week as ours?
So her moms boyfriend proposed to her begining of this week. And now she got it in her head that she should have the wedding the same week as ours. WE both dont like the idea but we dont want to be selfish. But if she does it feels like we would be having to worry about hers instead of ours because it would be before ours, and on top of it we dont want to be greedy but if there are two weddings in the same week the guests (our families) are going to have to buy 2 wedding gifts which we feel will be cheap for both of us. We dont like being rude and selfish and greedy but this would be our first wedding ceremony. it would be the first in her family to get married (kids i mean) and this would be her moms second wedding. To us it dosen't seems fair to us. So what we want to know is if we are blowing it out of proportion or if our feelings are concrete? your thoughts? thanks in advance
2011-02-18T08:36:16Z
we dont want to change the date we have had it set since i propsed in june 2008. it was the day we met 3 years ago
Anonymous2011-02-18T08:19:16Z
Favorite Answer
I just recommend to pick another date.. Because of course.. its the first time for you and your girlfriend, and WEDDING.... so you must want something that special for yourselves..not for other though.. Maybe you will feel uneasy to your girlfriends mother.. but let's ask her if their position switch with yours.. what's their opinion.. consult with patience.. i hope your girlfriend mother will understand.. ^_^ Good luck..
Andrew, you have no control over this so stressing is pointless.
I have a very STRONG feeling that if it comes down to a wedding guest who is invited to both, they would be more likely to give you & your fiancee a nice gift while the MIL gets a token gift, if any at all after all, this is a second marriage for an older woman......at least that is what I would do if invited to both.....
and it will only affect your fiancee's family, not YOURS...so at least HALF of your guest list is safe from a conflict of interests.
It's NOT really fair, even tho your MIL can marry any day she wishes except on your wedding day....why she is doing this I haven't a clue.....could be she wants to married by the time her daughter's wedding comes around but there are other alternatives than this....
As far as her wedding taking your time and concentration away from yours....uh-uh. YOUR wedding is YOUR first priority, NOT her wedding so if it comes to whose wedding you concentrate on, why, you concentrate on YOURS and sorry, MOM....ours gets first dibs with us and maybe you should have thought of that before you put yours in competition with ours, which is what you have done if you look at it OBJECTIVELY.....
if you CAN...move the date you two get married and do NOT inform Mom until it's too late to do anything about her date....or move it and tell her every time she moves her date, you will move yours...or you will just go ahead and elope ( a bluff ) and set up a wedding celebration but not until AFTER hers has occured....might make her back off.
Is she planning a big wedding? Or is she planning a small wedding when her family is in town? Could that be what she was thinking?
You need to know what she is thinking for sure
I think if she is planning a big wedding you are right If she is planning a small wedding with a few people that she think is saving money on travel for those people
You both need to talk to her See what she is thinking
If you do not like what she is thinking, explain why you would like to have her move the date Do not say that you think the gifts will be cheap, that is not a good reason Wanting the day to be about the two of you is
Ask and she what she is thinking Then explain to her
I think your feelings are reasonable. You can't make her changer her wedding date, but you can change yours if the invitations haven't gone out. I would even be willing to lose some deposits if I were you. You are right that if there are two weddings in a family in one week, yours is not going to seem as special and your guests are going to feel a bit tired of weddings.
Your future mother-in-law is being a real pill. Your girlfriend should sit her down and tell her that her having her wedding the same week is like stealing your thunder and that it hurts both of your feelings. She should ask her to change her date. Hopefully she will listen to reason and you won't have to change your date.
Although I do understand how you feel about getting perhaps substandard gifts due to the financial restraints of wedding guests attending two weddings within a week. However, if you really thought about it, the wedding is about the marriage, not what you can get out of the guests.
The mother is very inconsiderate, for sure. There is no question or doubt with that. But, there is nothing you can do other than change your wedding date.
Life throws you curve balls. You can catch the fly ball or let it hit you in the face. You choose.