Parents, when you see another child at your child's school or daycare who is wearing?
worn out clothes or shoes, do you automatically assume that the parents are too poor to buy them new stuff? Do you say something to the parents or just mind your own business?
2012-12-04T13:28:32Z
The reason I asked is because my brother and his wife had this happen to them. Their daughter wore through her shoes in only a couple of months and since it's the beginning of December, they wanted to wait until Christmas to get her new ones--it's only a few weeks. But some nosy parent of another child at her school approached my brother and asked if they couldn't afford new shoes for her and offered to buy her new shoes. My brother explained they were waiting for Christmas. The next day, somebody (don't know if it was the same parent or a different parent) approached my sister-in-law (who is very sensitive about how the family appears to others) about it as well and my sister-in-law felt compelled to buy my niece new shoes right away instead of waiting for Christmas as they had originally planned. We were having t his conversation because my son has worn through his shoes and I have a new pair for him all wrapped up ready for Christmas and for now, his shoes are p
2012-12-04T13:32:51Z
patched with duct tape. I wonder if it has to do with where they live, in upscale San Diego and their daughter goes to a charter school that was hard to get into, because to my knowledge, nobody has said anything about my son's shoes and we live in Utah.
Grace Under Fire2012-12-04T09:53:01Z
Favorite Answer
Where I live there are people who are desperately struggling. There are also people who have money but choose to get the most out of everything the own. Unless the child were continuously struggling because of what he's wearing-- holey shoes in the snow or something-- I wouldn't say anything. People have a right to live the way they want to live, and worn clothing isn't anything that needs intervention. Even in the case of the child with the holey shoes, I wouldn't say anything to the parents. I'd ask the teacher if she thought there was a need and I'd leave a pair of boots anonymously with the teacher.
Even if I knew for certain that a family is poor, I wouldn't say anything to the parents. I grew up in a family with limited financial means. Just because somebody doesn't have a lot of money doesn't mean that they don't have any pride. It hurt my feelings and made me feel bad when somebody made comments about the state of my clothes, even if the person was just being compassionate. I only got one pair of shoes per year and usually, after only 6 months, there was a hole in the front of my shoe where my big toe was. Also, I remember having to wear a turtleneck in the summer because I didn't have summer clothes. My teacher made a remark about it. I will never forget how that made me feel!
If you want to help out, you can do so anonymously or in a way that doesn't put the family's financial situation on the spot. One year, I gave my child's entire fall/winter wardrobe that she had outgrown to the school (I called the principal first). The principal knew which families needed the clothes.
I have never noticed what others were wearing unless it is inappropriate. Some kids even purposely put holes in different places while trying to achieve a look of some sort. A dirty winter coat means the kid was outside playing, that's pretty good for them and the parents haven't got the time to wash them every day. Maybe the kids are hard on cloths so they use old stuff because it doesn't matter how much they kill them. No, I don't believe I judge or even notice what other kids are wearing for the most part. What I do see and judge is that toddler who is running around with food all over their face. Nasty looking and it only takes a minute for the parent to wipe that crap off. They don't because it's a personality trait. Lazy parenting.
at the same time as i do not trust how she dealt with it, I do imagine she had the right to be disillusioned. no longer a lot over the garments because they do wash, yet when I were to look to %. up my baby from an section the position i'm figuring out to purchase and the guy become interior doing dishes truly then outside supervising, i'd be rather mad about that. more effective than probable that is what she become disillusioned about and then only considered something else to throw on the flame to take her anger out. next time, per chance have some extra swimming wear for the youngsters who did not carry any, and keep the dishes till each and each of the youngsters are despatched domicile :)
My daughter had a jacket that was almost falling off of her, but she insisted that she had to wear it.
If you are concerned that a child in the school or daycare is under dressed for the colder weather right now, you might consider speaking to the principal or director about a coat drive, or donating some mittens and hats. The school or daycare would know if the family is in need, and then the child in question could be adequately outfitted, and the parents would still have their pride.