Am I obligated to do this?

Question

My brother never calls or gets in touch with me so I stopped trying. He lives 90 miles away.
His son, my nephew, is 15 and rarely gets in touch so I stopped trying there too.
This is due to a falling out I had with my mother, who has always been 'the victim".
My brother has, I'm sure at her request, stopped talking to me.

Last I heard from my brother was after Christmas, when he informed me they all went to visit relatives-- and I wasn't invited!

Anyway, sometimes out of the blue, my nephew or my brother decide they'll want to visit me for a whole 36 hours, and they'll take the train.

For me to get to the train station to fetch and return them is 50 minutes each direction, on a 12-lane freeway (always very busy).

If they do decided to let me know they're going to visit me, am I obligated to always be available and thrilled and pleased?
The attitude is like 'Hey, we've decided to visit you-- aren't you pleased?"

What do I do in these situations?

Mircat · Answer

Is your brother coming with the expectation of resolving issues and reconnecting with you?  If so, then you need to suck it up and make the 50-minute trip and just use one lane of the 12 lane freeway which is always busy.  If you have a driver's license, the state assumes you are capable of making the trip.  It's time to patch up the relationship and become family again.  It almost sounds as if you have enjoyed the rift and do not want the family re-united.

You asked what do you do in these situationS meaning you expect them to ask more in the future.  Are you a lay over spot for their adventures?  I think the first time is imperative to family harmony.  If they try to take advantage, you can say that is not good for you because of prior commitments and don't offer explanations.

Kai Kiki · Answer

Youre not obligated to do anything. If you want to see them, then youd be more that happy to pick them up. Its not like everyweekend you do this.

Your brother is somewhat trying to reconnect by asking to visit but if it bothers you, you can always turn them away.

It is YOUR house.

Am I obligated to do this?

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