I'm married, but I want to date other women on the side...?
My wife and I got married this spring after being together for just over 10 years. She is a great women, and while the past 10 years hasn't been all flowers and sunshine, we are closer now than we ever have been before.
Even though I am so lucky to have a great women in my life, I feel like I need more. I know it's really selfish, and I'm embarrassed to admit it. Before I met my wife, I had been with two other women, so I feel that I never really had a chance to fool around before getting married. I feel trapped. One one hand, I have a wife who I love and would do anything for, but on the other you only get one life and I feel like I've missed out on a big part of it.
I had this discussion with my wife a couple months ago and she took it like a champ. I told her that I have this stong urge to hook up with other women, but would never do so without her permission. She had 1/2 joked about me having a mistress in the past, so she wasn't completely against the idea, but she certainly wansn't jumping at it. She seemed to have an open mind.
Anonymous2014-09-18T15:49:38Z
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There may be multiple emotions, thoughts and feelings your wife's having which is why she seems to contradict herself, and seems confused during these conversations. A part of her may at times actually feel she would be able to handle you being with other women, and this may seem off the wall to many people, but maybe part of her might even find it exciting or hot (please don't hate on me people-Google it) but then perhaps the fantasy of that fades and the thought of you being with another woman is unbearable and perhaps very threatening! Don't forget, what you're proposing can get VERY messy! Not just with your feelings or your wife's, but how about the woman/women you're having sex with! I've seen lots of different situations in my life and know that on many levels feelings and relationships can get way out of hand. (see movie Fatal Attraction) If you absolutely feel this is something you have to do, how about asking your wife how she'd feel if you went to an escort? (Again please don't start hating on me people!!) but it would be way less complicated than what you're proposing. Whatever you two decide, but careful what you wish for. It may end up being worked out between you both and become something you two can live with, but also It's possible you may end up alienating the only woman who will ever truly and completely love you, and perhaps end up with one of these woman you so want to screw so badly and take the chance of having a life of misery and regret.
... I left it at that and brought it up again maybe a month later. We had a really good discussion, and I made it clear that I don't want to force or pressure her into letting me have a mistress. Only if she was okay with it. Again, she seemed really open to the idea, but near the end of the conversion, I asked how she felt right at that moment, and she said a little angry and a little hurt, so I left it at that. I really don't want to force her.
It's been another month, and it's eating me up inside. The desire to have another women is almost uncontrollable. I think about it constantly, and when I think about it, I feel terrible. Terrible because I want to have these life experiences, but not at the expense of my wife or her emotional well being.
When me and my wife have these conversations, I get mixed messages from her. She says things like "I don't own you" and something to the effect of "the times are changing - having a single partner might be old fashioned" and I'm pretty sure she genuinely means it.
We/She really wants to get pregnant in the next year. We have a house and we both have good paying jobs. We would be great parents and all that, but I'm scared to have a baby when I don't even have my own life in order.
My dad cheated on my mom and that ended in divorce. I WILL NOT do that to my kids... I don't know what to do. For the last month I haven't brought it up again. I've been letting her take her time and think things through.
RE: I'm married, but I want to date other women on the side...? My wife and I got married this spring after being together for just over 10 years. She is a great women, and while the past 10 years hasn't been all flowers and sunshine, we are closer now than we ever have been before.
Even though I am so lucky to have a great women in my life, I feel like I...
Your right. You are selfish an more. Try rude an inconsiderate an you don't have a clue what you want. You want your cake an want eat it too. Marriage isn't about all that. Being married does not mean you get to play around. She don't sound like she's good with it. Your a fool. I screwed up an tries to make my wife jealous. Not only did I hurt her I messed up my wife's head an hurt her when she didn't deserve that kind of pain. So I'm telling you from experience realize what you have an don't mess it up.
"Even though I am so lucky to have a great women in my life, I feel like I need more" That's the problem, when you have all you need you start to wonder what else is out there, that's a terrible mistake. Like you have a great marriage (God knows how many men would like to be in your shoes) and you want to ruin EVERYTHING, be thankful for having a good wife, the woman deserves respect and IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA GIVE HER THAT THEN DON'T MAKE HER WASTE HER TIME. How do you think she feels when her husbands can't be satisfied with her as a woman e.e like seriously if you're gonna have these selfish thoughts then let her find someone better than you and don't be an asshole. If you do this you re gonna screw everything, what if then you don't want to stop what if you fall in love with that other woman WHAT WHAT WHAT! HOW YOUR WIFE IS GONNA FEEL!? But i guess you don't care about her as you care about your penis.