My son is holding this over my head and wants to move with his dad?

I am a mom in my 50's. My ex and I share a son who is 19 years old. He spends some of the time at his dad's house and some with me and my two older kids (his sister and brother) in our apartment. My son and I are very close.

We plan to move to a larger apartment soon but we are having a lot of trouble because of the Covid situation and some of us being furloughed, etc. My son wants to move by September 1st of this year. I have explained to him with this situation, we are unable to do it at the moment but we will move as soon as possible. We live in a building that can get kind of loud and it is on a busy street. My son says he loses sleep here and he complains about a lot of things here where we live.

His father is planning to move to Idaho sometime next year because he plans to buy to get a loan to buy a house out there. My son keeps holding it over my head that if I don't move by September 1st he might entertain the idea of moving with his dad out of state. I am mind boggled because he is not close to his father at all. I told him if he were to move out of state that I would not see much of him.

I don't understand why my son is giving me ultimatums or what the rush is by September 1st. I've explained to him that it's tough right now but he continues to hold this over my head. Any advice?

2020-07-25T19:57:31Z

My son has gone on some interviews for jobs but has not yet been hired by any

ron h2020-07-28T07:01:08Z

He's not "blackmailing" you. You've said that 4 adults in that apartment is cramped. He's a man and he recognizes that it's time to go, but he's willing to stay to please YOU if things can be improved.
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Encourage him to go as soon as he's ready. Men relate to our fathers differently than with our mothers, so you dunno if they're close or not. You know that he's close enough to his father to believe that they can get along in the same house.
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He's a man--he's been shaving his face for 5 years. He'll be OK with his father. If not, he can move out of his house.

Alan H2020-07-27T10:33:15Z

Your son is not a child, so should know better.
His behaviour suggests that he does not think of you as being close. Getting a job in the current situation may not be easy.......but at age 19 he was unemployed before this situation. Have you, unwiittingly, contributed to his non working? Are you trying to keep him ‘tied to your apron strings’? He is at an age where the two of you should be able to sit and talk sensibly.
If, however, he insists on moving with his father, he may need to learn the hard way that life does not owe him a living

Anonymous2020-07-26T00:02:15Z

Tell him goodbye, and this is the best advice I can give to you. I understand you want to live in an apartment, and your son's father wants to live in a house.

Your son is looking out, for his own interest, so that's pretty good. He knows that if he were to move with his father then his lifestyle would change.

You said "We live in a building that can get kind of loud and it is on a busy street. My son says he loses sleep here and he complains about a lot of things here where we live."

Well if he were to move with his father then just try to imagine the amazing sleep he is going to get over there.

Regarding myself I plan on moving, but I don't have a date yet regarding when I will be moving. I am not sure yet if I will be moving to an apartment, or my own home that I would be buying, or maybe both.

Well I am still trying to plan out where I will be moving to. Regarding the covid-19 well this won't stop me from moving, and it should not stop you either.

Eva2020-07-25T20:47:54Z

Call his bluff. Tell him you'll miss him, but you'll understand if he wants to go to his father's (even if you won't). Don't let him use emotional blackmail to get you to do something that isn't right for you. He's 19. He can live wherever he chooses.

Anonymous2020-07-25T20:17:24Z

Tell him if he wants to that’s fine just assure him that you love him and he’s welcome to come anytime to see you. If you try to stop them I will just make them resent you, trust me my mother did the same thing.

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