I get sex from my wife once a month. We have a busy life with 3 young kids. It usually is a weekend where she had some drinks to relax and kids fall asleep early. That’s when I get some.
For the Moms out there can you educate me as a male in mid 30s on what I can do?
n2mama
Favorite Answer
The serious answer is to step up your game. It doesn’t matter if you both work outside the home or not, it doesn’t matter how much of the household and parenting duties you think you currently share, if you take more off her plate, she may be more receptive to romance. For women, it is hard to be in the mood for sex when our brains are going a million miles a minute thinking about everything from meal planning (oh, and do I have what I need or do I need to go grocery shopping?) to doctor and dentist appointments to the constant worry about the kids (how much is COVID damaging their socialization? Will they fall behind with remote learning? How can I keep them stimulated and engaged?) to simply trying to manage everything. Moms are exhausted, and with all the additional stress of the pandemic, it’s the worst it has ever been.
Not sure how old your children are, but I’ll make a couple of assumptions. I’ll assume at least one of them is school age, and is probably learning remotely right now. This means mom has to help make sure that child is connected remotely, has to manage the attention span and keep the child engaged with the remote learning, all while still keeping an eye on the other two and managing the household. I’m also assuming that your wife isn’t used to having all three children home all the time, either because of school or daycare or a combination of both. And that right there is a massive adjustment. I don’t know if you work remotely or work from an office, but if you go into an office at least some of the time, then there may be a level of resentment that you get to have some level of “normal” while she is stuck at home dealing with everything else. Even if you’re working remotely, are you doing so in an isolated room, with a door shut, or are you on the dining room table? I’m guessing that if you are the breadwinner, even if you’re working from home, you are focused on work and leave the dealing with the children to her.
So consider: if when you are able to “get some” is when your wife is relaxed and the kids are asleep, what do you need to do to allow her to relax during the week? How about you pick your night and tell your wife ahead of time “hey honey, this Tuesday is mom’s night off. I’ll take care of dinner and clean up, then I’ll get the kids down to bed while you take a nice bubble bath”. And then you follow through with it. You plan the dinner (doesn’t have to be fancy, just make sure you have the ingredients on hand and can make it without assistance from her), make the dinner (while watching the children or having them help you-dumping them on her while you cook is NOT giving her a break), clean up after and put the kids to bed while she enjoys her bubble bath (with a glass or two of her favorite wine). I can’t guarantee you that you’ll automatically “get some”, but I can guarantee that she will appreciate the gesture, and if she’s relaxed and liquored up, maybe you’ll get lucky.
Foofa
It's called a babysitter, or a friend or relative willing to take the kids once in a while. It's just not realistic to believe you can have a "normal" sex life with three little kids running around. The cost of this is something parents have to factor into their decision to have children.
Anonymous
You can step up and take care of the kids. She's exhausted and you're harassing her for sex. You're lucky she hasn't filed for divorce.
Mrs Phay
I have 3 kids. This has never been an issue and I've never quite understood questions like this.
Don't your kids... sleep... at some point?
Sure, the spontaneity kind of goes out the window since you have little eyes and ears in the house, but you kind of just make it work around them.
Dick
When I was between wives I dated a coworker with two little kids. She always arranged for her mother to watch the kids for an extra couple of hours after we got off of work. I would assume that if a wife actually wanted to take care of her husband properly, she would find someone to watch the kids. As a male all you can actually do is whatever SHE will deign to bestow upon you