I cheated but was my husband right to hack into my phone?

yes and you would do the same thing .

Yes he does. Trust is not something that you can give a person.. it is gained.  It is/has been wrong of making you feel bad in front of co-workers also.  Truthfully.. if I were you, I think I would consider divorce for the reason that he has been a bit abusive, you and him do not seem like that you are really in love with each other and there are too much past baggage that will continue to bring you both down.

Now.. for the future... again.. trust is not given.. it is gained.  You gain it by being totally honest in your relationship.  Moving forward, I would suggest never marrying a jerk.. and never cheat again on anyone.

Then you have a nice clean slate to start all over.

I can understand why he does not trust you.. I would not either... and if he did hack your phone and heard you and your friend having sex... ... let me put it this way... would you trust him if the tables were turned????

Yes because you didn't confussed to him about cheating on him. Yeah he was wrong for going through your phone like that but you should've been honest with him to begin with. Then you wouldn't have to worry about this situation. Your husband ain't a saint either. He has no right to disrespect you at all. No woman is ever going to love him if he's disrespectful and has trust issues. If you guys weren't stable before, are you guys going to be stable now? Think about it.😯🤨

If one is cheating, everything is fair game.

You KNOW you would have done the same

thing to him.  OH, YES YOU WOULD!

.

He doesn't trust you. But he was right not to trust you. Because clearly, he found something. And you think he's in the wrong? You need to do some soul searching, I say respectfully.

You cheated, yeah he hacked your phone because cheaters like you make divorce rate higher. Cheater always cheat.

Do you think that being sneaky by hacking into a phone is on the same level as being sneaky by cheating on the vows you took that you would be faithful forever?   That is like the crime of shoplifting compared to the crime of murder. 

After 16 years of pure hell, involving cheating on your part and severe emotional abuse on his part, you married him?  And now your big concern is whether he was wrong to hack your phone?  You've lost jobs because of him, but it's the phone?  You thought marriage would cure this toxic relationship, but it's the phone?  See where I'm going with all this?  

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. There is clearly no trust in this relationship. 

I do not think he had a right to hack into your phone. What he has to realize is that there are boundaries, even in a married relationship. With that being said, I think the underlying issue is a lack of trust. Without trust your relationship will continue to unhappy as you will continue to have experiences like the ones you have outlined in your question. 

Furthermore, I think there are a lot of unresolved issues that need to be discussed in order for you both to move forward. Hence, what you both need to do is be proactive in making things work between you. By that I mean you both need to work on resolving the complications that caused you to break up in the first place. In order to do that you will both need to think of solutions to these problems and ultimately, you will both need to compromise on certain things. If you are both capable of doing these things then you can make things work