What is your best "outrageously drunk" story?

My eldest son was out one Friday night with another male friend and they saw a couple of drunk girls in a door way. The friend said they should go over and chat them up, as they might 'pull'. When they reached the door way the boys said 'Hi' one of the girls turned to look at the boys,

it was his older sister.

hehehehe. there are soooo many stories from my youth, but we'll go with this one. My buddy was working for a jukebox installation company, but he lost his license from a dui. The funny thing about his line of work was that he worked in bars, and bar owners often gave him free booze. So he needed a driver to keep his job and I volunteered. Went to Chicago and seen the sights, then decided to get tanked. First we went to the hard rock, but they closed way to early, so we asked a crackhead what bar was still open. He takes us 4 blocks into the hood. Now we're crackers from missouri and now we were the only white guys in a very dark bar. I didn't care, I started dancing, and before I knew it 2 big bootied black girls start grinding on me. After we found the car, I find out that those lovely ladies stole my wallet(was wondering why the guys watching didn't get pissed at me). So then we're drunk and trying to find a place to stay at around 3am. Drove forever, but couldn't find anything and we had to pee really bad. So since nothing was open, we looked for a park. Found something with a bunch of trees and some open space so we decided to pull over. I went, got back in the car and looked up at the sign outside, a big arrow pointing down the driveway we were parked on said "Police Station". No sooner do I say, "hey dude..", and undercover cop pulls up while my friend's still in the middle of his business.

You'd think we pissed on some jocks football field. They arrested both of us, searched the car and found some mary jane that we really wished we knew we had(been jonesing all night). They took us in and we just messed with the police. Goofing off, not taking it seriously at all, so they messed back. They took my buddies atm card out of his wallet and drove me to an atm and told me to withdraw 400 bucks. I did and then they took both of us to the most expensive motel in the area and dropped us off. We must have paid 200 bucks for a room for 3 hours.

It is probably the best lie they have because if they were that outrageously drunk they couldn't remember anyway.

I had to pick up a friend of mine at a motel in the middle of nowhere because she had gotten blitzed and left with a guy. She awoke with all her clothes, jewelry, and truck gone. Even her toe ring. She was wrapped in a hotel drapery when I got there. Her truck was eventually recovered. I am not sure if she learned her lesson.

I went to the bathorrom in a porta potty at a town celebration beer garden ... the place was dark my girl friends were rocking the outside and i bent over the hole to pee and started going. Once you are drunk you just let it go....anyways... when i was finished i was pulling up my pants and realized that they were soaked!!! when i opened the door i saw that the toilet lid was down when i was going pee...so it ran down the closed lid and on to my clothes. LOL

John was talking to Joel. John said, "hey whats punk?" Joel picked up a bottle and threw it against a wall so that it broke, John did the same. Then John asked, "Is that punk?" "No", said Joel, "That was trendy." they were drunk.

I left the bar, got into my car on the passenger side and drove my car into my sister-in-laws living room...

I started sleep walking and then I pissed in my friends silverware drawer in front of a party of people.

Mine is so Crazy I was like "hell yeah dude this **** is crazy imma write this down" Wrote it down that night....

But I can't read lines and squiggles.

i can't remember any of them!!! Way to wasted...

i just remeber the mornings after with bruises and headaches and the toilet bowl because i had one to many shots!!!