How do I respond to my six year child when she says you need to find us a new mommy, daddy?

I have my biological daughter(10) and a step-daughter(6). I completely understand your situation. My daughter's father is a police officer, which seems more important to him than her. I will never say a bad thing about him to her because that would be wrong. She is hurt by the lack of interaction with him, so she is starting to replace him with my current husband. We are both worried about this, but understand why she is doing it. My step-daughter on the other hand, has a biological mother who does nothing but hurt her emotionally (my husband has full custody of her, so she lives with us). We want so badly to revoke her mother's parental rights, to protect the child emotionally. However, we are afraid the child would blame us in the future, when she gets older. I do agree with some of the other answers to your question: You cannot just "shop and buy a new mom/wife." Tell your daughters you understand how they feel, and to have faith God will bring the right woman in your lives. The harder you try to find the "right woman", the more you will find the wrong woman. It sounds like you are there for your daughters to the best of your ability, and I commend you for that. If you want to talk with me further, just visit my yahoo 360 page and send me an email. Good luck and stay strong!

Danielle

My heart goes out to you and your daughters. Two thumbs up for your obvious desire to protect and care for them in the best way possible. I was in a foster home at that age, and realize the real concerns of your daughter needing a new mommy to feel the family is complete. The security felt in that is very strong even at that age. To help fill the void of the missing female influence, ask for the help of a family member to spend some time with them each day. Even if it's just 10 minutes each day, it's a form of security for them in knowing she'll be there. Tell them Mommy's are so special, time is needed to make sure you find one that will love them as much as you do.

Tough one, I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer and has raised his two daughters since they were 11 and 8. He hasn't had very many GF's since, (could count them on one hand) but he has tried. Both girls are now 18 and 15. Trouble is that it's hard to find a replacement for "their" mother. In your situation though, your wife is still alive, so she will always be a part of their lives. Caution is advised here. Your wife will probably be very anti-new wife/GF, and will communicate this with your girls. She will probably turn your daughters against her at some point in your new relationship. I would wait until they get older and more mature before making any decision about getting a new mommy for them.

This is sad, of course. I suppose, she means it. She wants a mother figure in her life. She may believe that her mum is not good for her (or trust you on this judgment), or just miss her and understand that she won't get to see her.

In any case, this is a very naive but true expression of how she feels.

The next question is around what you want to do about finding someone else in your life.

Anyway, just ask her what she means, what it is she misses. Explain that mums don't grow in the garden and are not bought in a shop (my 5 year old wanted me to go to the shop and buy 5 brothers for him and 5 sisters for my daughter).

Find simple words to explain that you would need to meet someone who you love, who loves you and the girls and that all this is somehow "magic". Magic does not happen just as you want, it can take time. Just an idea.

Good luck.

Just tell her that a mommy has to be very special, someone that will be the very best at being her mommy, and she is out there somewheres but she has to find yall. Then you have to make sure that she is going to be a good mommy before you can bring her home with you, b/c she deserves nothing but the best.

There are many variables in this question that are unanswered, such as, do you want another wife?, is her mommy deceased?...you get my point. You could simply explain to her that things take time and you don't want to just "pick" someone to be the mommy cause she may not be the "right" mommy. Hope this helps!

The children need a mother who genuinely love and care for them - but only when you are ready. Just tell the little girl that they are special, so you have to find someone equally special to look after them and that would take time. Take care.

no matter how good a father you may be, you are seriously depriving your children of the female nurturing only a woman can provide... question here is....y r u alone, and how to find a decent lady!

u can tell your children that one day there will be another woman in their lives. and don't let your children call her mommy!

Find other good female role models for them ( family, friends ..even co wrokers or church members). Continue to sheild them from their moms poor behaviour...because ...no matter what they say now...they will always love her on some level. Keep on being a wonderful dad.

Is your mom or the other grandmothers(or other women in the family) available to spend time with the girls --- if so encourage the relationships--- she needs good female role models until her real mom is able to be there for them...