How can I safely visit my mother in law who is dying but refuses to stop smoking around me and my two year old

I understand your concern about Ty, and the unborn, I would be too if I were you. Since grandma's on a limited time, try your best to ignore this otherwise awful habit. It's too late to make her understand. On the bright side Ty will get the bestest example not to smoke! I pray that grandma somehow comes to senses, and she feels well.

I am a smoker myself, yet I agree that she should have the courtesy to respect your wishes and the health or you and your family. She is well aware of the harm that smoking causes (as we all are) and should be considerate enough to not inflict it on anyone else. I do not smoke in my house now, because of my children, but I used too before they were born. But I always took it outside when I had company that was bothered by it or if children were present. I did not feel offended or put out by it. It's not a big sacrifice to be able to spend time with your loved ones. Call her before you come over & politely ask if she can refrain from smoking just while in the presence of you and your child. If she refuses and it affects your son to that extreme after being there, I would not go anymore. It's her fault not yours. Your son and his health are more important. It's not too much to ask of her to go without a smoke for an hour or 2. Good luck!

My grandparents are the same way. My grandma says its her house and "Fresh Air Freaks" can go outside. They just moved to a new house and so now we have holidays and stuff over there instead of my aunts. I told my grandma that I couldnt come over there when I was pregnant and after I had the baby I told them I couldnt come over there unless they aired it out, otherwise they could come outside to see the baby. My grandma now limits smoking to the tv room when I am coming over, and she opens all windows and doors before I come over, and they stay open while I am there. My 6 year old has the same problem as your son, when he is around smoke he gets congested and before he got tubes in his ears he would get an ear infection. I just told them they had a choice, air out the house and dont smoke by us for an hour, or we dont come over. I suppose that if she is dying and just refuses to do it then visiting once in awhile wont harm your son or the baby in your belly. As long as it isnt a long time thing. If she refuses just limit your visits, or tell her that the doctor said that your son is allergic to smoke and he can not be around it at all. Maybe then she will not smoke while you are there. Its hard when people smoke their house up like its a chiminey and you have to come over. I would leave their house and not be able to breath very well for a few days, and just running in the house and picking up some thing from my grandma, which took 2 minutes max, left my 7 week old smelling like smoke. Its so gross! I hope you can figure some thing out!

Don't get ugly with her, the worst you can do is cause a rift between you and your mother-in-law....you need to really sit her down and ask her NOT to smoke around you guys and if she doesn't listen, than your husband has to step in and say something...if she refuses than you can politely tell her that you are serious and if she doesnt stop, she can no longer come around you or your son.

I agree with them that you don't have a right to ask them to change their behaviors in their own home.

I think your son has a right to see his grandmother before she passes and it would not kill you to put up with the smoke for a few weeks in order for your son to have some memories of his grandma.

I think the best thing you can do is try to tell them that its dangerous for you and your son to be around the smoke for health reasons, but on a deathbed, people can usually care less about the health of others. Stick it out if you can, but dont do anything to put you and yours at risk healthwise

Just say Im sorry Since Im pregnant the smell of any cigarette smoke makes me feel nauseous. Excuse me for a moment, and then walkk out with your son.

well if you have told her you dont like the smoke...she should atleast grant you that one wish to not smoke for atleast an hour is she can do that..hopefully she would like to see her own grandchild before she passes. if she doesnt then she doesnt seem to care about anything really. or take some pics of her without a cig in hand so ur son can see what she looked like before she passed. goodluck.

You both are right, the best is to come to an agreement so you can enjoy your last weeks together as a family

you definately should not take your son to see her, if she really cared, she would have stopped smoking for his benefit months/years ago. tell her you dont want your son to remember her the way she is now. i stopped my parents from seeing my kids until they quit it was the hardest thing i did, but now they both have given up and are going to enjoy a long life seeing their grandkids grow up. dont back down your health and that of your kids is more important than some ***** who is going to die anyway!!!!!