Married and miserable in CT?

Tough situation.

I, as one who's been there and done that, can only say you have to do what's best for you. My ex has been married for 19 years to the woman he fell in love with while we were married. I had to leave him in order to move on with my life and have never regretted it. We were not always friends but, in time, managed to find common ground for the sake of our children.

Your child may or may not understand, in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. The main thing, where your son is concerned, is to make sure he understands it has nothing to do with him. Children have a tendency to absorb the guilt when their parents break up and you have to be prepared to deal with obstacles where he is concerned. Never leave him or his feeling out.

The marriage is obviously through and your wife seems to think she can keep you through your guilt. She knows you well enough to know this will hit a nerve and has no problem trumping you with it. That, in my opinion, is deceitful and manipulative. This being an indication of what the rest of your lives together must be like.

I guess what I'm saying is, everyone will go task for this and the pain will be there no matter what, so why prolong it and take the chance of asking yourself, in years to come, "What if..."

You are obviously a kind and sensitive person who still cares about your wife as a person and as the mother of your child, but often this is not enough. A loveless marriage is a prison you can only wonder about being freed from. True love is something rare and beautiful. Cut your losses, let your wife go on with her life, without you, where she may have an opportunity to find true love which is obviously missing in your relationship with her.

Each of you is responsible for your own happiness. You should grab yours while the opportunity is there. Your wife may choose to be bitter and angry or to be understanding and to put the child's happiness and welfare first. She is obviously not going to take it well, so be prepared for whatever may come.

You may think you'll feel nothing, but the break-up of a marriage is always emotional no matter the circumstances. Be sure you are prepared to deal with this aspect as well. Be sure not to leave your true love out of the emotional conflicts you may be going through during this time. You need to be able to share your true feelings with her and she needs to understand where you're coming from.

Good luck and love. :)

I understand your situation very well, but I have somewhat of a problem with the "other woman" issue. It's not all together your wife's fault that you no longer love her, thiough she may have contributed to it. You're a very intelligent person. I can tell that from your wording, and you know how much this is going to hurt your wife when she finds out about the other woman. As one that has suffered the same thing with my ex, and another man, it hurts worse than you could ever imagine.....like they take your heart out and stomp it on the ground in front of your very eyes. I think you need to get rid of this other woman, and concentrate on your marriage. You have an 8 year old to think about too. Do the right thing, and keep this marriage together. Good Luck!!

I understand your situation very well, but I have somewhat of a problem with the "other woman" issue. It's not all together your wife's fault that you no longer love her, thiough she may have contributed to it. You're a very intelligent person. I can tell that from your wording, and you know how much this is going to hurt your wife when she finds out about the other woman. As one that has suffered the same thing with my ex, and another man, it hurts worse than you could ever imagine.....like they take your heart out and stomp it on the ground in front of your very eyes. I think you need to get rid of this other woman, and concentrate on your marriage. You have an 8 year old to think about too. Do the right thing, and keep this marriage together. Good Luck!!

The only thing I can suggest is to just do it. There is no good reason to stay in a marriage if you're miserable. Especially if there is children. That child may be miserable in relationships too. You have to just tell her you can't live with her anymore. Get out before you hate each other and hurt that child more. I have a 8 year old too and she is pretty smart. Your child probably knows what's happening and is stuck in the middle. Your wife may be using religion because she's scared to be alone.

I'll tell you my experience and you can take that and try to use it for your life.

I found evidence that my wife was cheating on me so I went to Radio Shack and bought everything I needed to record phone conversations. So every time someone picked up the phone, it started recording. After 2 days, I caught her calling him. On my Birthday, while I was at work, she called him and told him that she loved him. So, I guess you could say my feelings were hurt.

I separated from her a couple of days later after I talked to an attorney. I explained to my 5 year old son that his mother and I were separating because we didn't get along anymore. I told him that it was just like at school when he and another kid didn't get along. He would be moved to a different part of the room from the other kid. Well, me and mommy would be living in different houses because we didn't get along. This was an explanation that he understood and has never questioned in over 6 years.

My wife and I started counseling to see if we could patch up our marriage, but after a few sessions, she called it off. We did learn to communicate in those few sessions and it helped us to find friendly ground. During the divorce proceedings, her lawyer tried several dirty tricks. My lawyer would call and say that they are doing this or that. I asked him if we HAD to respond. He said that we didn't so I told him to ignore it. By taking this approach, I kept arguments to a minimum.

The one thing that I am most proud of, is the fact that neither one of us have tried to use our son to get back at one another. We realize that he still needs both parents and that we have to be in agreement as to how to raise him. We set out some ground rules on that and it has worked out great. My Ex is now one of my best friends, like it was before we started dating.

As for your girlfriend situation. I want to give you this little piece of advise. Don't introduce her to your 8 year old for a while. He might blame her for the divorce. Also, if you two break up, you don't want to run people into and our of his life. As for you and your girlfriend, I've seen too many people marry the one that they had the affair with and it has NEVER worked out. I suggest that you date her at least a year more, After your divorce is finalized. This way you know that she is the one.

As for your wife's argument that you too should stay together for religious reasons. I think having an affair is a religious reason to get divorced.

Move on with your life. You and your son will be much better off. Don't let her play the religion game with you. I'm a christian and divorced, twice! The bible does not mention that divorce is wrong. The old testiment, maybe,but when the new testiment was written it was the start of a new covenant between God and man. The bible staes that you may follow the law of the land or your government in other words. Divorce is not outlawed in the US.

Hit her butt with that and see what she says...otherwise live in a guilt trip and unhappy marriage. The other woman is not going to wait forever for you to decide what to do.

You have to be strong and leave. I have just left a marriage after 28yrs itwas the hardest thing I have ever done but I knew it was the right thing to do. I hurt my husband terribly and he is being really nasty about it but I am hoping he too will see in time that it was for the best. Ther was no one else involved we just werent happy anymore and were making the kids miserable. It takes a lot of strength but walk away and be happy. Good luck and remember you are lucky you have someone to walk away to.

I know that is hard, but I feel that you need to come out and tell her the truth on what is going on. You staying with her will hurt yourself not her. She still thinks everything is okay, you have to be up front with and tell her the truth. not that you are cheating but the love isn't there anymore and that you prefer to move on and be on your own. Your son will always be there, but you need to make sure that you can visit him and make sure you are the best dad ever. It is hard, but you can't be miserable, life is to short.

If you cannot show your love to your wife the love you feel for this other woman then divorce her. When she brings up the religion card and tries to "trump" you, bring up the fact that you are in sin anyways and it's called lust..lol, really, then she'll think about that I bet!.. If your wife isn't going to divorce you, hopefully she'll sign the divorce papers..

..luck in the love..

if she is hurting you and you are miserable then leave.. i dont think its the right thing(b/c of my religion) but it sounds like the best thing for you! especially if you love someone else! hope it helps be strong and pray hard!