Is it possible to have a long distance relationship.... Say 5000 miles?

Being in love means being together - right?

With more people travelling and working abroad, making a long-distance relationship work is a task faced by many. Perhaps you were based apart when you met, or you were living together and your partner was offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity abroad. Each couple's circumstances are unique, but each share similar concerns - is the relationship worth the distance and how can we keep the love alive?

1-Making the decision

The first factor to consider is whether it is worth trying to make the long-distance relationship work. Certainly, at the start of a relationship, if you don't live close to each other it's tough but not an insurmountable problem. If you truly care for each other, you'll keep loving and move mountains in order to eventually move closer.

But if your relationship is several years in, a sudden separation may be a danger sign. One of you may be creating physical distance in order to get emotional distance. Have a heart-to-heart and be honest. Maybe this 'unavoidable move' is your unconscious telling you that the relationship is not working out.

2- Making it work

If you do want to be together, there is a lot you can do to make it work. Top of the list is that agony aunt favourite - communication. The less you see each other, the more you need to hear each other.

So schedule regular telephone calls and stay in touch with emails, texts and letters. When you do make contact, don't just stick to love talk, but keep each other informed on the day-to-day aspects of your lives. This way you each stay aware of how the other is thinking, feeling and developing.

If one of you develops a new interest or hobby, the other should make an effort to be involved. It's not passion that ends long distance love, but usually plain loss of common interests.

3-Building trust

Because you're not there to keep an eye on each other, it's also important to build trust. Be extra demonstrative of your feelings. Send cards, flowers, presents. Say 'I love you' often, to make up for the fact that you can't show affection face-to-face.

Make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do. If you each know that you are trustworthy in little things, you'll be able to trust in big things - like fidelity.

4-What about sex?

One big issue of living apart is missing out on lovemaking. Try having phone sex together. You can also practise teasing each other through the day with erotic text messages and, that evening, huskily describing what you'd like to do to each other.

Be careful, though. Don't let expectations build too high as sex may fall flat when you see each other. If the face-to-face lovemaking feels second best, put extra effort into meeting each other's lovemaking needs.

5-Danger signals

Communication, trust, great sex: it seems to be going well, but watch out for the hidden dangers lurking beneath the surface:

• Your home life pales into insignificance when you are not together. You stay in every night waiting for him to call, rarely see your friends and never go for a drink after work. What to do? Put effort into enjoying your time apart so that you have a full life and aren't dependent on him.

• You argue when it's time to part. What to do? Don't panic - this may be your subconscious way of softening the blow of parting. Spend longer periods together and build your security in the relationship.

• You're doing all the phoning, all the travelling, all the spending. What to do? Share your worries and see if anything changes. If it doesn't, then pull back - he isn't as committed as you are.

• One of you finds it hard to be faithful when you're away from each other. What to do? Unless you can agree on an open relationship, it's best to split; constant unfaithfulness will break both your hearts.

6-Make or break

There comes a point in any long-distance relationship when you need a 'where are we at?' conversation. If you're both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together - either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and 'dating'.

And if you drag your feet? Missing the deadline for getting together is a real danger sign, your heart's way of telling you that long distance was fine, but up-front and personal won't work.

But with luck, your time apart will just have shown you how much you need and want each other, a temporary pause in a brilliant relationship.

It's very possible, but, EXTREMELY difficult to have a healthy,fun and caring relationship if it's a long distance one. You miss out on SO many things that happen everyday aroud the other person. Initially it's all okay, but as you get closer, you want a physical and emotional closeness too. You can't hug her when she's crying, can't hold her hand and walk, can't see her whenever you want, can't call too often.. there's just SO mch you miss. Eventually all this makes you resentful, you might even get jealous of her friends and have arguments.My advice would be to think it through and remember : IT'S NOT NECESSARY YOU BOTH ARE BEING YOU REAL SELVES ONLINE.

Hi,

That is sweet. This question made me smile. However, I would never move that far away from my family. I am only an hour away now and its too far. I really like having a friend online though.

I am sure you will meet someone much closer but you have to get rid of the user first. Remember a respectable woman will not take advantage of you and use you. Choose more wisely next time not just looks. Don't be afraid to be alone until then.

I am actually looking forward to being alone.

BTW in case you didn't know.The 1st answer is lyrics from a song. Thats a cute answer.

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and we only lived 1300 miles away, we both lied to the other, and then i moved to be with him, and things went good for a bit, but slowly the lies were revealed. it's so easy to pretend to be someone else, but it's hard to be that person when it comes down to it.

well, I'd say not at that distance anyway... But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles to fall down at her door.

But not 5000 miles, I'd get sore legs.

In my experience long distance relationships can work. Iam now married to my long distance love. He is turkish and i am english.But we are together now. Good Luck.

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