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Newly composed song lyrics....opinions?
There's a melody that goes along...but you can't hear it here.... I would like to have honest feedback about the lyrics even though you can't hear the song. Go ahead and be nasty...I'm looking for honest impressions, responses....if it says nothing to you...that's fine...and worth knowing. Thanks.
Just beneath the surface
This is where I've been
Though I sink so slowly
I don't want to swim
Current take me, take
I peacefully give in
But let me come to the surface again.
There above the water
I have seen you fly
I have seen you pause there
looking through my eyes
Did you see me drown? I
think I saw you smile
and then you fluttered on by.
Here below the surface
this is where I hide.
I think I would have loved you
when I was alive.
Current take me to you
if only for a while.
I can't keep a butterfly.
And underneath this surface
there's
a brutal man
you'll never know
I've chained myself to
kindness .
Chained myself
to a sinking stone.
Love me, don't, I can't,
I
love you, let me go.
I promise,
I will
forget all
I know.
5 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I read it 4 times and I fell in love with your song more and more each time.
1st time I read it, the word "brutal" and the line "I can't keep a butterfly" bothered me a bit. But now I changed my mind that you need them in this song.
You've got a talent! And trust me when I say this. My friends describe me as female version of Simon Cowell.
- DLv 41 decade ago
Interesting. You should have a chorus of some sort - that's what catches people's thoughts - to sing along. If the lyrics are too complicated, they are not remembered.
Great thoughts - it's a glimpse in your soul.
- 1 decade ago
The lyrics sounds good, but much would depend upon the music and effects. Try publishing it on download.com or similar websites...
- 1 decade ago
OMG that actually spoke to me! truthfully i loved it i wish i was that talented. now thats my inspiration to write!!!!!
Source(s): I already write lyrics. i am trying to teach myself bass too. I♥MUSIC!♥ - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
