Really funny jokes wanted...?

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes for today.

You will have to look for my picture to read them

try this...

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.

She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went

dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto

the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof

is

on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always

cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would

make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.

This

would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the

choir stand with her.

And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the

roof,

the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,

"No, you don't say that here!!"

The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same

muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..

Here's a good one:

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.

Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!'"

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down ."

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost.

Little Johnny calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."

"Well," said his Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."

"To be honest Dad," Little Johnny went on, "we'd have done more, but that was all the money she had."

Try this one:-

A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate." The wife opt 4 vanilla."

The dad slaps his son in the back of the head and says"What do you want fat head?"The lady helping them says "Why did you hit him the head and call him fat head?"

The husband said, "There are 3 things in life a man wants:The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that nicebig truck sitting there (outside) that's mine!!!The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house and i got one on the edge of town? The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight pu*sy,and I had that until this fat head came along!!!"

i don't know whether u like it or not

a fight taken place between a couple

husband:u r *****

wife:u r a dog

then their son who is seeing their fight say

and i am a puppy

try the google search

i cna mkae you laugh......................ahahahahaha