What are your feelings about dying loved ones?

Your husband is afraid of death, so his answer is to just not deal with it. I agree with you, however, that sometimes death is a blessing and it is cruel to ask people to hang on or to get mad at them for dying when they are in so much pain. It's not like you're encouraging your dad to give up when there's hope or like you're already claiming his possessions. But, your husband does have a point that your dad isn't dead yet, you don't know when he's going to go, and until he does, you shouldn't treat him any differently (don't remind him that he's dying or treat him like he's already gone). You two do need to recognize that it's ok to grieve in different ways, but perhaps you can compromise: You can be realistic about his illness and prepare for his death, but also pray with your husband every day that your dad gets better. There's no harm in being realistic, there's no harm in hope, as long as neither of you become obsessed with either result.

On my dad's side of the family, the only time we have family reunions are when someone dies, just because we're spread all over the country. We get together, cry at the memorial, then we go out to eat, chit-chat and have a good time, because we believe that you should celebrate the life they had and celebrate the lives they left behind. If our loved ones are going to a better place, they why would they want us to stop our lives to forever grieve for them?

My 5 1/2 yr old son passed away May 9, 2006. He was born healthy, but by 5 months of age, he contracted meningitis, and everything changed. He had severe brain damage, cp, scoliosis, ftt, and numerous other diagnoses. I knew that the older he got, the chances of him passing became greater, so of course I stressed about this more. I felt that there was a horrible conflict going on inside of me because I knew that he was in pain every day (even though he couldn't say so) and I just wanted his pain to end. But on the other hand, I selfishly didn't want to lose my child. I prayed to God that He would end my child's suffering, and praying for that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because it meant that he would not physically be with me anymore. My son had been through more pain in his short life than most will ever experience, and the only thing that even begins to help ease the excruciating pain I feel from him not being here is knowing that he is with Him and will never experience the pain he felt here on Earth ever again. My son couldn't walk, talk, or even sit up on his own, and I know that he is running around now, doing things that he would have never been able to do while he was alive. He is at peace, so as much as it hurts me, it also eases my pain.

My dad passed away about a month ago after being in hospice care for a month or so. It was very hard to see him suffering in his last days. It was also extremely hard to come to the realization that he would be passing over very soon. I understand where your husband is coming from because that was my stance at the beginning of the summer..."it is not over until he is gone," but I had to use my faith in GOD to help me realize that his purpose here had been served. If your dad is anything like my dad was, he never wanted to be a vegetable and he never wanted to have to rely on anyone for his basic needs, so he is better off now.

Just keep your faith and continue to believe in GOD. You and your family will be OK.

My dad died of prostate cancer 23 months ago, he was in hospice also. I dont believe that if you hope enough he will live. You need to do what you think is right for yourself and your kids, once hes gone hes gone. spend as much time with him as you can. If you get a moment alone let him know how much he means to you, thank him for all he has done. When my dad was very Ill and fighting to hang on, I told him"Dad, you did a wonderful job, you raised 7 great kids, there isnt any more work for you to do, It's time to rest"

Wanting to see your dad's pain be relieved, even if that means his passing, is perfectly normal. Of course you love him very much and don't want to lose him, but you have to face reality. It's going to happen sooner or later and you need to be prepared for it. My grandma has always said that a hospice situation is a way of preparing the family for what is to come.

I have a few similar situations in my family right now.

My dad has a very bad heart & has always been an avid fisherman. He doesn't want to give it up because it gives him such joy. He could have a heart attack & die while he's out fishing. The way I see it, I'd rather him die while he's doing something he loves, instead of sitting in a recliner wasting time waiting to die.

If he is on hospice care he does not have long. If there were a real fighting chance he would not be in a hospice. I would take a leave of absence and bring to home to pass. Let him live his last days at home. Don't let him die in a hospital. It makes it easier on you and him knowing he will pass surrounded by love and loved ones. Your not letting him go you are letting him move on. Ask the doctor about how to comfort your dad in is last days.

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I think that your husband needs to come with the trums that he will die someday and that he is in alot of pain and that you just want his pain to end not that your giving up or don't care if I where in your place I'd write your husband a note explaning it and go set with your dad and pray it's always hard to give up a loved one but letting them go so they are pain free will be alot easyer on him and you then if he where just do die your father is probably waiting on you guys to say it's ok that he can go and be pain free thats probably the only reason he is still around because he wants to know you both will be ok and your dad will see you have your kids even if his body isn't around his spirit will be I'll have your father in my prayers I wish the best for you all.

My Dad passed away in march. He was suffering at the end and I just prayed for him to go peacefully. If hospice is called in then your Dad is on his way to heaven. All of your feelings and emotions are normal. I am so sorry for your pain.

Wooah!! Thats so sad sweets.... My mom died in 01 when I was only 20 yrs old. It sucks not having a Mom around to help you with growing up. Even at 20 your still just a kid...ya know? So I understand you. Towards the end when my mom was just a shadow of what she use to be, I prayed that god would take her, and let her be out of pain. I loved my mom so much that even tho I knew how much PAIN and suffering I would go through without her with me, I LOVED HER SO MUCH, I wanted her to be out of pain and free of her body. I dont think people understand sacrafice until someone you love so much is dying. So he probably doesnt understand what you are going through. I myself completely understand. They say time heals all wounds....Im still hoping mine will heal. Its been over 5 years now, and every day is a stab in the heart for me. One day when I have kids, words will not be able to express my mom and how wonderful she was, the only thing that comforts me is knowing that someday, I'll be with her again and we will be together forever. I'll pray for you sweets. Good luck

My mom had terminal cancer and I moved home to take care of her. I prayed every day for a supernatural miracle but stayed in reality that God may have other plans. I tried to suck every ounce of life out of every day I had left with her, I cried every night at bed when I had to watch her slip farther and farther away from this world. I smiled and joked when she was around and let her know I would not mourn her until she was gone. The morning she passed, I was there as she breathed her last. It broke my heart for my loss but I could not be upset for her finally having her peace and taking her place in Heaven. God bless you and your family. May God's perfect will be done.