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Nearly 14 year old that still throws tantrums and won't take showers. What to do?
I am engaged to a man with 3 teen girls, twins that are going to be 14 this month and a 15 year old. One of the twins refuses to take showers (will take one once a month if no one told her to take one). She also throws major tantrums, throwing things at the walls and at people, screaming, slamming doors, destroying her room, etc. She has ADD or ADHD (can't remember which one since all girls have one or the other). Her sisters do NOT do this stuff. If they get upset, they just go to their rooms or let you know. She is a lot like her dad in the shower department and I know that some pre-teens do this behavior (I helped my ex to raise his two from small children to adutls), but not to this extreme. Her mom is threatning to have her move in with us. She would be bored in a few minutes and want to go home. How can their mom, dad, and I help her to see that doing this is not ok, and that she MUST take a shower quite often?
What I mean about her being the same as her dad in the shower department is that his ex always had to remind him to take one (he works on a farm, and he can't smell much so he can't tell when he needs one), and I have always had to remind him to take one. He is just this way and I have accepted that. We just don't want his daughter to be like that. She and her dad are both into model trains, erector sets, etc--soooooooo much alike!
Don't get me wrong, this girl, along with the other two, DO get disciplined. She is grounded right now for something she did. Their mom has been doing a lot of this alone as my fiance wasn't there that much, until I came along. Now he is more involved and the kids are happier and doing better because of it. She is a really tough one to handle. Boy, can I see her dad in her! I can only imagine what he was like as a child! From what his family says, he was a lot like she is, but not quite so bad (not that she's bad or anything, I just couldn't come up with a better word for that).
These are really good kids, watched constantly, very rarely left home alone, and even if they are someone across the street is there to watch them/keep an eye on them, etc. They welcome me also getting involved in everything from school, hobbies, to discipline (going along with what their parents say or with me saying something and then letting their parents know what I said to them and why I said it).
13 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
For the shower, let her go with out taking a shower. Peer pressure will get to her. If her friends notice, they will say something to her. She will eventually start showering.
For the tantrums......You need to instill some consequences for her actions. Ground her, take things away from her(like phone, computers...etc) If that doesn't work, and her tantrums are not getting any better, Have her see a counselor or psychiatrist. A lot of times, with ADD and ADHD, there are other things that go along with it.
My son had ADD and had MAJOR tantrums. He was diagnosed with ADD and eventually ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). He went to counseling and had his meds changed. He is now doing very well with out meds. The meds helped him learn to control the temper. Now he does not need them. Don't get me wrong, he still throws fits, but they are no where near as bad as they were.
- Cat LoverLv 71 decade ago
First of all, not ALL girls have ADD or ADHD! You are badly informed, unless you were just joking.
Is this girl on medication? If she is, maybe it needs to be adjusted. If she's not, she needs to be evaluated by a doctor who specializes in ADD and ADHD.
As for her behavior with the showers. You say she is so much like her dad and HE has to be reminded to take one, so she is probably just doing what he does. She needs some rules about this---a shower every day. And keep after her. She must be told that she smells when she doesn't take one. I know this is a hard one, because some teenagers aren't very careful about hygiene, but it's usually the boys who are like this at this age. I think from what you have said about her behavior, she could use some counselling, also.
As for her father---a grown man who works on a farm shouldn't have to be reminded to take a shower either! It should be routine every day when he is through working. It has nothing to do whether he has a poor sense of smell or not!
It's good that the dad has more contact with his children, and it sounds like the three of you (mom, dad and you) are working together with this. But I think the girl needs some professional counselling. She will be glad in the future, if she gets straightened around now.
Good luck to you with this!
Source(s): Experience with granddaughter who has ADHD. - ?Lv 45 years ago
That relies upon I throw a tantrum somethimes,yet purely becouse Im so overwhelmed by making use of schoolwork and cant get sufficient sleep.Its completely organic and wholesome to releise anger out sometimes yet once you throw a tantrum becouse your mothers and fathers wont purchase you a sparkling cellular,then confident,thats exceedingly immature
- firestud2829Lv 41 decade ago
She is old enough that she will be ridiculed by her peers at school. Allow her to not take showers for a while. When she gets tired of being called "stinky," she'll come home a scrub up.
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- 1 decade ago
let this girl have her tantrums, they will die quicker if u dont feed them. just ignore them. w/ the showers, comment on how she smells, or looks dirty, but dont make her shower. nd when she does shower, praise her. say she smells nice nd looks refreshed or something like that. also, consult a doctor, cuz this girl may need counseling.
- 1 decade ago
i only read the question in bold, so what i say is that you should ignore the tantrums and shower with a hose till 14yr. old understands.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
ADD, ADHD... It doesn't matter. It is no excuse. It is now the fault of the parents that raised her that way... No one can save you now but Dr. phil or Oprah
- Anonymous1 decade ago
wow. i seriously think you need to call supernanny or nanny 911. she went to my friends house and OH MY GOD there has been so much behaviour changes there.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
hey , i only take shower once a month and i do not stink - i think
Source(s): me
