Do you believe in spanking your kids? The Today show this morning?

my thoughts? my 18 month old daughter once chewed on one of those big yellow or orange extension cords. i slapped her butt three times and guess what? never again. the cord stayed on the floor and miracle of all miracles, out of her mouth. there are rules for spanking, like only using your hand and only hitting the bottom, but it is definitely something that needs to be done when it needs to be done. everyone always asks what's wrong with kids today? their parents. if you are afraid to discipline your child, dont' come bitching to me when he or she ends up in trouble from lack of consideration of consquence. you are supposed to teach your kids these things, people!

Although I was spanked as a kid I was convinced in college that it was inappropriate. So I did not at first spank when I had my own kids. To make a long story short--in the course of being a Mom I changed my tune and decided my parents were not so dumb and old fashioned after all.

I know that anectodal stories are not very useful--but that is the major reason I spank--it works for me. I also think it is fairer and less mean than punishments like time outs and groundings. A spanking gets the punishment over and the air is cleared. The other things drag the thing out. I don't want to be a parental jailer. With younger kids I think the whole point of why they are being punsihed is lost. With older kids it is no more of an effective punishment and inspiration to strive for better behavior than jailing adults is.

I think if more parents would spank--and do it correctly--they would be very surprprised by the results they get. And I don't mean for every little thing but not just as a last resort either. The real key to making it work is consistency.

I should also mention all the research that has been done on this subject showing it is bad. These are all statistically flawed. Infact to the surprise of one researchers who surveyed all the research--he found it to be the most effective method of getting children to comply with the wishes of their parents.

There is a reason parents have been spanking since time immemorial. The anti-spanking movement is very new. And like a lot of new untested ideas I am convinced it is wrong.

This is such a landmine topic, I'm scared to read all of the responses you'll get.

We originally opposed spanking. We felt it would be counter-productive. After trying every other option, we decided to keep an open mind, and we set very firm ground-rules for spanking: the child must know WHY he's getting spanked. Never spank with anything except a bare hand. End the spanking with a hug. Never wrestle. Never spank on the spot - to avoid spanking in anger. Make sure the spanking is appropriate. We don't spank for hitting.

To those arguments that spanking is abuse - I say no, if it's controlled carefully. Spanking is different from hitting, as taking toys away is different from stealing. It's a context thing and is explained to the child. In the end, parenting is managed dictatorship. "Because I said so" is a valid explanation for young children.

Spanking works (when limited) on our son. It does NOT work on our daughter as it just spins her up even worse.

So I say you have to look at your child as an individual, know your limits, know your child, make sure you don't take your anger out on the child, and in the end, know that there's no perfect childhood. Every parent screws something up.

You know, I was always a pro-spanking until I read an article with some VERY VERY good points in Parenting. The author argued:

1. Spanking teaches a child two things:

a. How to lie

b. How to avoid getting caught

2. Does not teach responsibilty or obedience as much as fear

3. Why is it okay for an adult to hit a child when it isn't even acceptable for an adult to pick on someone his own size?

4. Even when adults "deserve" to get hit, hitting them ends up getting you in jail

5. We are big and they are small which is the only reason we can get away with it.

6. We justify it by saying "it didn't hurt me in the long run" but that does not make it a harmless act, and uses the same logic that saying "I smoked my whole life and I'm okay" does. There IS research that spanking harms, including:

a. mental health problems such as depression and a range of antisoial behaviors (not all kids who are spanked end up in juvy, but not everyone who smokes dies of lung cancer), though this evidence IS thin

7. Positive reinforcement has been shown to be more effective over time

8. Regret/guilt the parents carry

Spanking, however, CAN be appropriate under specific circumstances under specific guidelines. Circumstances include times when you need to get a child's IMMEDIATE attention, such as if they are about to pull a pot of boiling water on themselves because they aren't listening to you tell them not to touch anything on the stove. Also, time outs and other methods of discipline simply do not work for some kids. Some kids really do only respond to spanking.

Specific guidelines for spanking:

1. Ask: Can I achieve discipline another way?

2. Never in anger

3. Don't make empty threats

4. Immediately after a child misbehaves or not at all (don't wait 2 hours, or "when dad gets home" to spank)

5. Your hand and their bottom

6. Assure them you love them.

7. Tell them how to avoid future punishment--give them a behavior to replace the negative one

8. Let them cry

Saying "look at kids today" is really a terrible way to look at it. 94% of parents STILL spank, so those kids you see acting up probably ARE spanked. It is also a "simple solution fallacy" which means that you are thinking a simple solution will solve the complex problem of why kids are the way they are today. Kids today eat more junk food than they did 50 years ago, too, but we are not citing that as a reason they misbehave. So you can't say for sure that a lack of spanking has "caused" kids to become brats. Studies ACTUALLY show that those who are spanked act up more, but that is probably because so many kids are spanked.

And to those who cite Biblical sources, the "spare the rod, spoil the child" verse that that saying comes from is a metaphor. It means to discipline your kids, not beat them to death, haha. Discipline can be achieved in many ways!

Most parents spank at one time or another.

It is how it is done that counts.

Be in control, not angry. Make sure the child knows what the spanking is for. Use just the hand. No harder than a moderate slap. Observe the child's reaction.

A smack for running in the street at age 3 is neccessary. This lets the child know that you are serious.

Frequent spankings are a sign of bad parenting.

Spankings should end at age 12, at the latest.

Spanking is not a good punishment for all children. Some are too sensitive, others don't care if they are spanked. Some benefit.

http://www.geocities.com/spankwithlove3/

It is such a breath of fresh air to see all of the answers saying yes, they do spank !! I thought that it was a thing of the past ! My kids are 14 and 16 and I spanked them when they needed it when they were young, and I've never had a problem with them as they got older. I run a daycare where I do my best not to spank the kids. I figure they're not my kids. I have been told by parents that I have permission to spank their kids.....it's scary these days to lay a hand on any kid, even your own !!! I will sometimes give the kids in my care a swat on the bottom. Never more than one swat and mostly just to get their attention and to let them know that their behavior won't be tolerated. The kids that I've had from little babies are very well behaved in my home. The kids I take on that are 2 and over are the kids I have the most problems with. Spanking and the fear of being spanked is very necessary in raising responsible, respectful children.

I believe in spanking as a last resort as there is no point spanking for trivial issues as then when a big issue arises what are you going to do? beat the hell out of the little one? I have spanked my two year old once and that was horrid i don't want to do it as i was spanked and then beaten when i was a child and i could never distinguish between little and big naughty because of this i tend to punish them where it hurts more (privileges) seems to work more for me

this topic will definitely get you answers! I believe in spanking, but not every time you turn around, and NOT hard. I don't really spank my daughter...a tap on the butt usually gets the point across.

It's just up to the specific parent and the way they were raised as children. Everyone believes in different ways of rearing kids, but I don't think spanking is going to make them bad or abusive when they have their own. You need to have limits, and in turn, you need to teach your kids limits. I didn't watch the today show, so I'm wondering what was the point of even wondering why ceo's and presidents are spanked as children? If they are doing their job who cares!

the same!but when my son was about 3 he started that tantrum thing and I mean hard I have never in my life had to deal with that and I got so flustrated that I would just break down and beat his A**,after a while I relized that it only made the problem worse so I started putting him the corner and that worked for a while but he would just sit there and scream the whole time so I tryed using hot sauce and pepper and that didn't really even seem to help,it just seemed that no matter what I did it wasn't working and I began to feel hopeless and would start whooping his but again.But I found something that does work,takin the toys away!I took every last toy that child owns and every movie and let him go a week or so without them and told him that if he wanted them back he was going to have to change his attitude and start respecting me and his toys because he would step on them and trow them against the walls.Alot of the way he was acting came from just being spoilled,mostly by his grandma but he acted this way in school too and even though he's doin better I still have to remind him everynow and then and tell him when he is good he can have his toys back one by one.each day.well those r my thoughts and feeligs.

I think you have to remember that spanking was considered not only a good punishment but people who didnt spank were considered to be odd. I say this because most CEO's and Presidents are at an age where it was common practice to spank sometimes with a belt. And these were the "good parents". Have to remember that most were born in the 40's and 50's.

I'm a last resort lady as well. I think spanking is far to criticized now. It has been proven to be an effective form of discipline, whether or not people choose to believe that. Fad children's psychologists such as Dr. Sears, Dr. Spock, and even Freud have made it easy for parents to start questioning their instincts. It isn't an *important* issue in parenting but now that these doctors have made it one (based on their own semi-proven beliefs). What people don't seem to understand is sometimes something works for one child and never works for another. Therefore different parenting techniques are vital. If you followed one set line of rules for both you may end up not being able to properly discipline another--and get the point across. Every child is different -- every child should be disciplined based on their individual personality. It seems people have become so far concerned about other people's children that they are able to say what is right for another parents child (to whom they don't know). You are right. Great people have been spanked. Not great people have been spanked. It's just people always want to look on the negative side of this issue. Again, I'm a last resort spanker...I still haven't spanked my kids--but I know the option is there.