When is adultery not adultery?

I do believe it's still adultery, as you are still married and should be there for your wife and put your sexual desires to the side.

At a recent Alzheimer’s Association conference, I attended a seminar that dealt specifically with dementia, sexuality and intimacy. (Gilbert Guide reviews long-term health care facilities and we cover a variety of senior-related issues on our blog.) This very issue was put forth, i.e. that of a person having a new sexual partner once the disease course disallowed a sexual relationship with a spouse. The elephant in the seminar room was how the “sickness and in health” portion of one’s marriage vows are then edited out of the marriage transcripts—and the guilt that follows. Interestingly, we also watched a video that followed a couple where the wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The husband in the video was a devout Christian; he said in his younger years he never would have understood a man in his situation “having a female friend” once his wife was in a facility. Although the husband chose not to go this route due to his own religious convictions his judgment on such relationships was far less harsh as he said having gone through this experience he now found it “understandable.” One audience member stated that his wife, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, was afraid of him—and that all men were unwelcome in her presence. He had discussed having a female friend with his adult children and he was surprised to find that both his son and daughter were open to the idea. I think this proves the point that a discussion needs to happen before you know how people really feel and think about any issue—especially difficult ones.

And this leads me to another point. Perhaps it is not sex that is missing, but intimacy. Someone whose partner has Alzheimer’s is losing not only sex, but intimacy. A spouse (probably) is the person you are closest to—and having them drift away from you is nothing short of heartbreaking. (These are the sorts of issues that are important to discuss previous to or in the early stages after diagnosis.) A support group could end up doing a great amount of good to stave off alienation and grief. What needs to be mulled over is whether it really is the need for the sex act itself or if it is about finding someone to talk to, who can show affection to you, be close to you in an emotional way. (Some people would consider it more “adulterous” to have an emotional rather than physical relationship with a person if someone’s health and cognitive abilities weren’t an issue.) But I also realize that some people consider sex an important and non-negotiable need. The bottom line is that discussion is needed. Searching out where a moral compass will point a person in such a situation takes a great deal of thought and soul searching. Every person needs to decide how to live their lives in a way which is most conducive to their belief system.

Adultery is adultery. Sorry, but there isn't a "sorta" or "kinda" choice. As long a a person is married, a sexual relationship with anybody except their spouse IS adultery. His wife's mind is gone, not his. He is responsible still for his actions. Be a man. If the wife has alzheimers, he's not a young man. He's been having sex for 50 years. It's not some eager teen with his first crush. If he wants to get involved, he should divorce his wife.

Technically, yes.

But it's understandable. Like the case in Florida where the woman was in a coma for so many years and was never going to get better; her husband had a girlfriend and children.

If his wife was still at home and had understanding of who he was, I'd say it was wrong. But if she's been put into a nursing home and has no clue, well, he's still alive, isn't he? As long as he still visits his wife and isn't neglecting her, I'd say whatever makes him happy.

If I had AD I'd want my husband to be happy, not chained to a drooling husk with no memory or understanding.

But the question really depends on the man in question, not the opinions of those around him. Who cares what I think?

It depends on the marriage vow...did it include words such as "in sickness and in health" or "till death do us part" or "forsaking all others" anything like that? And were the vows to God or just promises to add to the ambience of the occasion? If the wife commited the adulterous act and in her state of mind, I don't believe she should be held accountable but if the spouse didn't have alzheimer's and is just "horny" maybe they should try masturbating considering the marriage is undefiled and it proves their bond and word is worth something. She won't know but God does and actually the spouses vow was made to God and blessed by him. (But only if the two were married in a religious ceremony). If God was not involve then actually a man's honor is not expected to be forever and therefore society will accept the surviving spouse to do whatever he or she wants because they don't have to be accountable to anyone but themselves. One hope a person may have is that some churches may see this situation as a reasonable ground for divorce but to me that is still forsaking her. Think about it for a longer time about how you would feel if you were done this way. You may be understanding but make your agreement on what kind of vows of enternal love and commitment you really want before you get married. There is loyalty and finances to consider in this issue. I wish you well in this question and please let your spouse, family or future spouse aware of your concerns and desires. It's only fair to them and right now it appears as though only your needs and desires are important.

Yes, thats adultery. Even though the wife can't still remember the husband. The husband is still her husband and they're still married. So getting sexually invovled with another woman who the husband isn't married to is actually cheating. So yes its adultery.

Yes it is. Adultery is ALWAYS adultery. The vows are "in sickness and in health" and a loving husband would stand by his wife come whatever may. Not exactly the time to be selfish. You will not die without sex, or a relationship with a woman. Rely on your family and friends for support.

Adultery.... is Still Adultery ! Jimmy Carter spoke MANY THINGS...that were out of order! Sin in the life of A So Called Christian.... IS BETWEEN THAT PERSON AND GOD....! Those ADULTERY PUBLISHERS [ PLAYBOY ]... simply Tricked HIM... into the trap.... As A SLAM.... against All Christians ! Bill Clinton.... and Monica Lewinsky ... Made a Mockery of the American Family..... and MARRIAGE... ...... ." And HILLARY...... Said NOTHING! " We here in this PERVERTED AMERICAN SOCIETY..... have been DESENSITIZED...by so MANY..... Victoria Secret COMMERCIALS..... and.... By... UNDERWARE Adds...... and FIGURE SCATING..... .... That We as a Nation.... DO NOT EVEN.... BLUSH ! ! ! (2Peter 2:14) having eyes full of adultery and never ceasing from sin, alluring unstable souls, having a heart exercised with covetousness. They are cursed children Thanks, RR

Adultery is adultry anyway you look at it. If you even think about it its still like commiting adultery. Your poor wife, you should stand beside her no matter what until she passes. Or at least divorce the poor lady geezzzzzz. Watch the movie "The Notebook" and see if that changes your feelings. Let us all know ok. I'm serious watch the movie.

When you got married, you said you would stay with your spouse for better or worse, in sickness an in health, til death do you part. That should answer your question. I am not in that situation, but thinking about it I would not want my husband doing that to me, nor would I do that to him. That is like taking advantage of her. She doesn't know it so you get to do what you want and get away with it. Do her a favor and divorce her if you absolutely can't stay faithful to her. But in my opinion, you should be a man and stick by your wife. Alzheimer's and all. People always want to break up a marriage when things aren't going the way they want.