After 30 years together, my wife divorced me to join her lover. How long would it take me to overcome her?

seems to me like she hurt you enough just keep all the pain she cause you in mind that would help****

I don't think you ever totally get over the hurt, but it will take at least a year or two to begin to feel like your old self. You will have ups and downs. However, you can make this time easier by getting yourself into a divorce support group. It is actually best she is not even around. That is like sticking a finger in the fire. Get the book (online at amazon.com), "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by Fisher. It takes you through all the building blocks and what is normal after a divorce. It made a world of difference in my recovery.

Of course you are going to have to go through the steps of healing. Once you get through the shock of the unexpected divorce and affair. Then loneliness and resentment you will move on believe it or not. You may not forget her but that can help you in a way , you have learned from this and the more time you take to think about the years past the more things you may see that you didn't see before bacause you wern't LOOKING. Good luck

Well I was married for 28 years and he cheated on me. I got the divorce and he couldn't believe it. I still love my ex and I probably always will. Remember the good times and begin your new journey in life. It has been 3 years for me and my ex and I are still friends. Holding on to the anger and bitterness tends to hold you back from proceeding into your new journey. Just let it go and think of all the things you can do now that your single again.

I understand it can be a little frightening but you can do it. Good Luck

"-then she started seeking a way to imigrate to USA with no luck...."

Until she found you, that is. She's a loser like all foreign women who fake interest/love to get here. It will be hard trying to forget someone you've wasted 26 years of your life with. If you can't stand being alone, I suggest serving others and doing charitable work. Or, find something you once loved doing and throw yourself into it. I'm not even gonna patronize you and say find somebody else/get another "band-aid"...that's not what you do to a heal broken heart.

My lawyer told me it would take 3 months for every year you were with a person. I know it is taking me a long time as I was married almost 38 years and went with him 2 years prior to getting married. It has been four years since he left and the pain is still there , not as bad , but still there. I just take one day at a time. One hour at a time . I know everyone says move on, it is alot hard than they tell you. Good luck and God bless.

Hi Philip, I'm sorry for the hurt your feeling from your divorce. The recovery time for this depends on you, but the hurt might be there for a lifetime. I know your probably feeling hurt, angry, sad, and mostly confused all wrapped up in one ball.

Your feelings will go away when you decide to accept the 'trauma' and to move forward. Sure a little hurt will always be there, but please Philip, you must not let her ruin the rest of your life and to keep you from moving forward and from being happy. Do not short change others because of her mistakes.

It might help to talk with a Marriage/Family Counselor or Therapist. It will help for you to open up to one person who will keep your conversation confidential. Counseling will help you through your pain.

Good Luck and the Best to you Philip.

Sorry for the pain you have had to endure because of the actions of someone who is obviously a ver self centered individual. Her behavior towards you is a sign that she is not a decent and moral person. You should have left her when she was seeking a way to leave four years ago. Her relationship will probably not last. And you will get over her as soon as you have a decent person in your life to compare her to. At that point in your life you will probably get angry that she wasted your time.

The quickest way to get over one relationship is to get started on another one. I don't think there should be any certain amount of time you should wait. Why wait? You have nothing to regret or feel guilty about so move on. I've just recently went through a divorce and was faced with the same question. I just think it's better not to dwell on the past and try to move forward. You are about to enter a new year and you should do so with the thought of enjoying your new life and a new love. Good luck.......

Sorry Philip to hear your story.

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it will take for you to move on......

Sorry to say this, but it sounds as if your wife was looking to leave whichever country you lived in and she wanted to leave so much that she was prepared to do it without you.

Time heals friend. Very best wishes.

PS At least you've found us lot now, so pour your heart out. x

Well, I won't be able to say that it will take exactly 5 months and 3 days or something. It all depends on you. Sometimes, it can be only a short while, and sometimes, it could be for the rest of your life. Just be open for other women and take your mind off of her. Hopefully, it won't be long.