marriage problems?

First rule of thumb for future reference work and family do not mix. You need to decide whether this fight you and your step-son's girlfriend had is worth losing your step-son over. Your wife is naturally upset over this because she now has no son as long as she is with you. I would really like to know what happened to cause the fight between you and the girlfriend my e-mail is marvcindymcdonald@yahoo.com. Send me an e-mail with what happened and I'll finish giving you advice about it.

I think you have the answer to your problem already when you said you are the type that holds a grudge.

Swallow your pride. Be a man and tell your wife that you are sorry for the problems you have caused and ask her how she thinks you should have handled it. If you need to always feel you are right, you will find yourself in this position in life a lot, which you probably already know. It is HER daughter and she is probably offended that you took action without involving her and allowing her some control over the situation. The BF lashed out at you because he was doing what any good BF or husband would do, he was defending the woman he loves. That is actually a good trait, no matter how you feel about it.

Suck it up and use some humility. The two of you should be able to come to a compromise in handling this situation. Being a man in the relationship means having a hand of steel, but using a velvet glove. It is a hard balance for some.

Wow. I hope it wasn't something small.

In any case, you need to sit down with your wife and talk to her. She needs to know how important she is to you. Here's a conversational outline.

1. Affirm relationship - Let her know how important she is. You love her.

2. Discuss issue - The unrelated argument that caused separation from the son. You might get her opinion on the argument. She may have some perspective. Listen to her openly.

3. Discuss resolve - How will you and her work this out? You need to be willing to do something here.

4. Discuss resolve starts immediately. Sometimes it won't get started if you don't say "go"

5. Reconfirm relationship - Remind her she is the love of your life.

Be sure to have an open window of time for this. It should be uninterrupted.

You might use this type of confrontation with the girlfriend as well. In that case, both will need to listen and speak respectively. The boyfriend should not be there, but should get his own time with the same.

Relationships should be resolved and not left on bad terms.

You did not say what the fight was about but just off the cuff, I am wondering what the age differences are here. Are you fighting with teens? Fighting as you are and exteme ultimatums seem childish on your part. If I were you I would make an attempt to discuss the issues with both the girlfriend and the step son. Take the high road, bite the bullet and all that other crap. Nine times out of ten, arguments are petty and can be solved with reasoning and compromise.

First you need to apologize to your wife for treating her son the way you did. I can see that you understand that he was only standing up for his girlfriend. Then you should apologize to your stepson for banding him from your home. If you have a reason to be upset with the girlfriend than fine, but punishing everyone else is not the answer. I'm sure your sensible enough to forgive and forget. Life is too short to live with a huge grudge hanging over your shoulder. Be the bigger man and just forgive him.

For the sake of your family, get over this fight. You care about your step son and you love your wife. So for them, I think you can just get over your "grudge" and get past this. Holding a grudge is never worth it. Also, my mother always asked me, "Would you rather be right or be happy?" So, would you rather not apologize and lose your family or apologize to this girlfriend and work on putting your family back together?

Good luck!

Try getting your wife and her son together to talk about this. I understand that you are upset but some demands are just not an option. Her son and yours, if you have any should always be welcome into the home. If you try to do this she will resent you. A mother will not be seperated from her kids and this i know i have been in that situation before, ( he is now my ex.) Try to put yourself in her shoes. Without feeling like you are caving in you can say that you know that was a thing you said when you were pissed off and didn't mean it but that you are still pissed about the issue. What did she do to piss you off so bad.? It would help to know that.

Dont hold that grudge! it can kill u, and sip ur marriage down the drain. Its rather simple really, Apologize to them all even if u feel it aint ur fault. Communication is the key. Respect each other most of all and refrain from having an exchange of words using profanity or harsh comments. ITs not worth u losing ur marriage over something of this nature, its not that bad.

You must have been very ugly acting for her to quit her job behind the fight.

You don't need advice, you know what to do.

P.S. People that hold grudges are difficult people to get along with. Everyone has an opinion and should be able to voice it, whether it is what you want to hear or not. But to be little someone for their different thoughts is just wrong. Grow-up !!

See where holding grudges gets you? You can make up with them to keep peace with your wife, but you don't have to be around when they are. Or, just be civil to one another for HER sake, and the marriage.