What is it called when someone can only love one person at a time?

Question

My ex husbands first wife was like this, could only love one person at a time. When someone new came into her life (dog, son, daughter, husband), she would 'drop' the one she loved so much before and stop loving them completely and stop spending time with them. Now I think that my boyfriend is doing the same thing. When he was married before, he wouldn't spend time with the kids at all. When he met me 19 months ago, he rarely saw his kids. Now that we are living about 10 blocks away from them, he spends a lot of time with them, but he says he doesn''t love me as any more than a friend. What in the world is this called? Can this be cured? Woulld therapy possibly help?

Update:

What I mean by only loving one person at a time, is only being capable of loving only one person at a time, such as loves their kids but not their spouse or girlfriend. They are unable to love both their partner and their kids at the same time. It seems to be too overwhelming for them to do this.

Charlie Kicksass · Accepted Answer

I think this is a form of narcissism. Certainly, he can only love himself and so he lavishes time and effort on the one that is currently stroking his ego.
YOU KNOW that the storehouse of love can not be exhausted, that showing love to many does not deplete reserves. He may know this, as well, but he chooses to act as if he has only enough for one.
Therapy will help him if he wants to address it. If he doesn't see a problem, then, YOU KNOW you can't accept this.

Holiday Magic · Answer

Fidelity
Loyalty
Guilt?

I can see where he's coming from--in a way.  I am one who can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  It's either cooking the meal; referreeing the kids; loving my mate; taking my shower and grooming; working; housework; etc.  All my thought seems to go into the one thing that I am involved in at the moment.  Then, I get to the next thing--and it's all about that.  I dislike being interrupted from one to start another (fortunately my kids are all grown now).

butterflykisses427 · Answer

I don't know what it is called to be honest. Sounds like a one track mind.

Therapy could work only if he is able to admit he has a problem and is willing to fix it. 

Personally it sounds like he's just not that into you. Or he is very narcissistic and only thinks about himself and his needs. In which case you need to decide whether this is something you can live with  especially if he won't admit he has a problem

guraqt2me · Answer

It is called; Why love one when you can love them ALL !!! ???  When will it be YOUR turn to be dropped and replaced by a "I think I love this one now" woman?   Simply a case of emotional immaturity !   He does not want to commit to a relationship which will lead to RESPONSIBILITY.   When he abandons his "commitments", he, (in his own mind's-eye) then feels that he isn't therefore, ACCOUNTABLE for the choices he made in life !!!   Wash your hands of this guy or you will end-up hating men!

great gig in the sky · Answer

monogamy. But it really doesn't work like this, i donno. It is good to have an undivided heart, I don't think that this is normal. There is obviously something missing from this picture, but i would say that something is seriously out of whack. I think it is a commitment issue. Maybe it could be called the 'Bumble-bee syndrome.'

Crazy Cat · Answer

Reality.

StarShine G · Answer

he is confused with what is real and what isn't. he needs a reality check on loving more than one at a time.
confidence in his self.
he needs to know the real meaning of Love.  that is the only therapy he needs.it will be cured then..

Izzy · Answer

Monogamy.

Rat · Answer

Monogamy, also known as a closed relationship.

gettin it · Answer

To me it is called selfish. You deserve better . Don't let anyone's stupid games play with your emotions. Good luck to you.

Trending News

What is it called when someone can only love one person at a time?

11 Answers