How do you reprimand a 17 ½ year old girl?

tell her if she doesn't do her chores, she'll have to get a job and pay you rent.

Ah yes! The rebellious years! All kids have a currency as they say, you just haven't found it yet. Phone (in room), television, video games, outings to the mall or movies, friends over, drives to school....etc. Some of these things may require supervision to apply. Maybe that's part of the reason she's rebelling. She's not had to answer to anyone while you've both been gone. It may seem like you both care more about work than you do about a family life --- that's not a fact, just a possible perception.

My mother's biggest mistake with me as a teen was when she started getting strict and implimenting rules when I was used to operating independently for so long. I felt like I was being treated like a child not a young adult and I became more difficult and our relationship suffered. You and your husband need to sit and talk like you would another member of your work team. Help her understand that everyone contributes in the household and give examples. Remind her of consequences in the real world if you don't hold up your end of responsibilities (ex. bill payments, tasks at work, rules of the road). You might want to start suggesting possible ramifications of neglected chores. In the same way, I would try to reward her now and again for being helpful around the house like having her choose a meal during the week, paying for a movie outing or rental, a favourite dessert whatever would make her happy and be affordable.

She knows there is nothing you can really do at this point, she knows times on her side and her 18th b-day is rapidly approaching. Other than kicking her out you do not have many options. Have you talked woman to woman with her and tried to establish an adult relationship with her?

At her age she'd be free to walk out the door never to return. I'm sure no one gnats that. Your question should have been: How do you reconnect with a 17 1/2 yr old young woman?

Most simple thing is if she does not help around the house tell her no when she needs a favor. Many people do not realize how difficult it can be when their son/daughter turns 17 and asserts their independence in drastic measures. As each month passes and the 18th birthday approaches it can get much worse. It is important for parents to begin establishing a more adult relationship with their son/daughter during their 16th year, one that will continues for many years to come. By age 17 it may be to late, they may not allow you to have that last year with them.

I can honestly say it sounds like me when I was 17 and a half. My dad wasn't there and my mom worked 2 jobs to support my brother and myself. I didn't drive and had no allowance. Now, my mother just let me be and when I complained about not having a clean bowl to eat out of she would just shrug and say "well, you were supposed to do the dishes yesterday. Maybe if you had, you would have a clean bowl. Just wash one." Which of course would make me wash a bowl and spoon or what ever. But, now I'm married and have kids and I do all the housework and I complain when my husband doesn't help me (I'm 22 and he's 27).

So, even though you want her to do these things just remember, it's probably just a phase and it will pass. Oh, and even though I didn't do chores in my mother's house, my dorm room was kept spotless! I would actually deep clean every Saturday. Let me tell you, everyone on my hall wanted me to clean their rooms!

I would try talk to her explain that she is part household(from sound of it was trusted at one point) and if she wants be part of the house hold she need help out with the chores. Get her side why she not been helping out. If in continues then I start taking away things you have give her freedom Car would be the big one if she uses family car or you pay ins on hers take it away untill she starts helping out. Phones,Tv,computer quit buying food she likes. If that dosent work then have work last resort tell her she best be finding new place to stay or college attend cause if she not want be part family no need be in the family house.

Find something that she treasures, and take it away. Where does she get spending money if she doesn't get an allowance? Does she have a job? If she wants some new clothes, or other item, tell her when she does her chores, then she'll get whatever she's asking for. I have two kids and am so NOT looking forward to the teenage years :)

Hmm honestly, treat her like an adult, tell her that once she turns 18 shes on her own. Show her how the real world is, and tell her that all her actions have consequences. Leave her chores undone, the ones that affect her. If she needs a ride somewhere, tell her that there is public transportation. I mean the more you try to repremand her the more she is going to rebel. Talk to her, dont yell. Also you might want to find out if she is seeing someone else, and if so maybe thats why she is changing, maybe she wants to get kicked out of the home so she can move in with him, overall she wants you to be the bad person so in case she fails she can blame it on you.

Honestly talk to her, she might be going through some issues and she doesn't know how to deal with them.

Explain "rebellious". Is she just acting out? Arguing?

Looks as if you have little options on what you can do, can't take away what they ain't' got. I'd say be patient. In 6 months she's going to be 18 and be making her own life decisions. If you come down on her too hard now expect her to take the first chance to get away and then you will have no way of monitoring what she is doing (drugs, drinking, ect...). Be patient with her and be there when she falls.

.. My little girl will be 17 tomorrow so I'm right there with ya.

At 17 I was a total slob and hated chores. Even when my parents tried to pay me I still wouldn't do them. Like the other poster I went to college, had my first roommate and was labeled the neat freak of the dorm. It sounds like she's been a good kid for a long time and now she's starting to test her independence. Depending on how rebellious she gets you could alway ground her on the weekends. Otherwise I would just start saying "no" when she ask you for favors like driving her around. I think now you're going to have to start teaching her consequences in terms of you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Good luck!

Why not drive? and why no money for the chores? Give her an incentive. I would not want to be your underpaid maid either. You sound like you are not around much for her but you want her to stay home doing all the chores. She sounds like a good kid. If she is lazy and irresponsible it had to come from somewhere MOM-DAD. She obviously has not had very good study habits for awhile and if you are not home much with her then let her be she will be 18 soon. Why would a parent want to prevent their almost 18 year old from leaving the house. Why dont you take time to help her pass her driving test and let her get a job part time. Lazy parenting skills.

Im 17, I dont have a car, I dont get allowance, but when my parents want to ground me (their never home either), they would just take my cell away, if that didnt work, they pick me up from school (sometimes they knew I would just leave with a friend so they would check me out 5-10 minutes before class was over) drive me to my aunts house and I would have to stay with her until BOTH of my parents were out of work. At my aunts there was no tv, no phone, no going outside, the only thing I could do was do my homework.

And once when I got caught skipping my mom tore up my favorite shirt =[

I hope this helps =]