Is it so wrong to want a say in things at your own baby shower?

YOUR Baby Shower so you absolutely have a say in how this pans out. Yes, you can be grateful to your Mother-in-Law for wanting to play hostess but you can be involved or as non-involved as you choose.

The word "should" is thrown around too many times and there is no handbook that says you must adhere to tradition and convention.

Life is too short to follow someone else's rules, do what feels right for YOU.

I think that if your mother-in-law is being kind enough to hostess a baby shower for you, you should just let her make the plans. She might have something planned as a surprise for you - you never know !

Who should throw a baby shower?

Anyone except the expectant couple — though Miss Manners might disagree. Formal etiquette says that someone who's not a relative must throw the shower to avoid having it look as though the family is asking for presents. Our advice? Ignore traditional rules. Any relative, close friend, or close co-worker should feel perfectly okay about planning a baby shower.

A mom-to-be isn't obligated to give her hostess a gift, but it's certainly a very nice thing to do. A lot of work goes into planning and hosting a baby shower so it's appropriate to acknowledge her. An expensive gift is certainly not expected or needed. Keep it simple and from the heart.

It's true that "proper etiquette rules" have relaxed a great deal since Emily Post, especially for baby showers. However, in the world of baby shower etiquette, most people would consider it really tacky to host your own shower. Showers can be given by most anybody these days but are usually hosted by a girlfriend or a grandma-to-be.

I agree with some of the other answers. You should not in any way be participating in the planning of, or suggesting anything for your shower. Actually if tradition is so important-you shouldn't even know about the shower. They are supposed to be a surprise. And you should probably be grateful that your mother-in-law is doing this for you. But she on the other hand should not expect you to be doing anything for it. And if she's not doing it for the right reasons, that too is not good. However, go to the shower, have fun with it, traditional or not, you will be getting some really good gifts for your baby.. And congratulations!

The people that host a baby shower are doing so out of the kindness of their own heart. You are not OWED a baby shower. Stop the whining and go with the flow. If you don't like the gifts, just return them or exchange them.

As for dealing with the "theme", you don't get a say.Count yourself lucky enough to have a mother in law that is interested in throwing you a shower at all.

You are correct that your mother-in-law hostessing your babyshower is an etiquette no-no. Are you also aware that for you to assist in any way with planning that shower and/or expressing your preferences regarding the event is also an etiquette no-no?

As the honouree at this event your only role is to attend and be gracious to all who are there. Nothing more and nothing less.

You hit it on the head. Plan and PAY FOR your own shower. If others are doing it for you, then keep your mouth shut and be grateful that someone cares enough to do it. If I were paying the bills for a party, and thought your suggestions were "over the top" I'd buck you, too.

So have TWO showers if the first one isn't good enough for you. You sound extremely spoiled and self-centered.

Threaten not to show up to the shower if you don't get any say over the party.

Do your own, but try and let your Mother in law feel like she is heading it.

Let the baby do the crying when it comes!

Showerzilla! ;-))